Well, the non-frosted side of the Mini-Wheat that is my soul - the side that wants to be a cheery, positive person, a good example to the kids, etc. - wants to be able to say that the following news item is just sad, and that there is nothing positive about this, that the poor victims who suffered damage to their property and the poor family and friends of the "perpetrator" will have a hard time coping with the aftermath, and that the poor perpetrator did a foolish thing, etc.
However, the frosted side of the Sam-Mini-Wheat says "ROCK THE !@#$ ON, DUDE!!!"
I am sad that things were destroyed, and I am sad that this man felt that he had to do this and then take his own life, but he didn't hurt anyone else, and you all know how I feel about well-timed self-euthenization*. All that aside, though (and taking into consideration that no one else was hurt, and that - hopefully - nothing too precious was destroyed, this is EXACTLY how I feel sometimes, how a LOT of us feel sometimes. Man, the things I could do with a tank... I wouldn't want real guns, though. Maybe paint balls? But there are definitely some things that HULK WOULD LIKE TO SMASH!
Well, I'll just let you read this yourself, and hope you won't think I'm glorifying bad things. But I will say this - if you think this is a totally bad thing, I'll think you're fibbing.


Grand County Emergency Management Director Jim Holahan confirmed that the driver, identified by the town manager as Marvin Heemeyer, appeared to have shot himself.
Heemeyer plowed the armor-plated bulldozer into the town hall, a former mayor's home and at least five other buildings Friday before the machine ground to a halt in the wreckage of a warehouse.
City officials said he was angry over a zoning dispute and fines from city code violations at his business.
Authorities detonated three explosions and fired at least 200 rounds against the heavy steel plates welded to the bulldozer [whoa!], which looked like an upside down Dumpster. After the third explosion failed, officials cut their way in with a blowtorch, Holahan said.
A statement from Grand County Undersheriff Glen Trainor said the driver was found around 2 a.m.
Holahan said Heemeyer was armed with a .50-caliber weapon but appeared to be deliberately avoiding injuring anyone during the rampage, which began Friday at about 3 p.m. No other injuries were reported.
Trainor said the dozer's armor plates consisted of two sheets of half-inch steel with a layer of concrete between them [Jen, can I have a welding torch for Xmas?!?!].
Grand County Commissioner Duane Daley said Heemeyer apparently used a video camera and two monitors found inside to guide the dozer. Two guns were mounted in front and aimed through portals. Other portals were cut in the back.
It was unclear how many guns were found with Heemeyer. Authorities speculated Heemeyer he may have used a homemade crane found in his garage to lower the armor hull over the dozer and himself.
"Once he tipped that lid shut, he knew he wasn't getting out," Daly said.
Investigators searched the garage where they believe Heemeyer built the vehicle and found cement, armor and steel.
Residents of this mountain tourist town of 2,200 described a bizarre scene as the bulldozer slowly crashed through buildings, trees and lampposts, with dozens of officers walking ahead or behind it, firing into the machine and shouting at townspeople to flee . [you know those cops enjoyed the HELL outta this...]
"It looked like a futuristic tank," said Rod Moore, who watched the dozer rumble past within 15 feet of his auto garage and towing company.
One officer, later identified as Trainor, was perched on top, firing shot after shot into the top and once dropping an explosive down the exhaust pipe.
"He just kept shooting," Moore said. "The dozer was still going. He threw what looked like a flash-bang down the exhaust. It didn't do a thing."
A flash-bang produces a blinding flash and earsplitting boom designed to stun a suspect.
"Gunfire was just ringing out everywhere," said Sandra Tucker, who saw the bulldozer begin the rampage from her office on Main Street. "It sounded to me like an automatic rifle, firing about every second."
At least 40 deputies, Colorado State Patrol officers, federal park and forest rangers and a SWAT team from nearby Jefferson County were at the scene.
Town manager Tom Hale said Heemeyer was angry after losing a zoning dispute that allowed a cement plant to be built near his muffler shop. Heemeyer also was fined $2,500 in a separate case for not having a septic tank and for other city code violations at his business, Hale said [DOWN WITH THE MAN!!!].
When he paid the fine, he enclosed a note with his check saying "Cowards [HELL yeah!]," Hale said.
"We felt he was venting his frustration that he didn't get his way," Hale said of the note. "We didn't think he was going to do something like this."
Trainor said he believes Heemeyer spent months armoring the bulldozer, and investigators were looking into whether he had help.
Hale said owners of all the buildings that were damaged had some connection to Heemeyer's disputes.
The buildings included the cement plant, a utility company, a bank, a newspaper office, a hardware store and warehouse, the home of former Mayor L.R. "Dick" Thompson and the municipal building, which also housed a library [the personal home kinda' sucks, and the library is a bad no-no, but man, haven't you ever wanted to do something like this?!?!].
Crumpled patrol cars and service trucks lay in the dozer's path [WHEEE!!!!]. A pickup was folded nearly in half and had been rammed through the wall of a building [Maybe it was a Ford...].
Gov. Bill Owens traveled Friday night to Granby, about 50 miles west of Denver and 10 miles south of Rocky Mountain National Park.
State aid will be available to help rebuild local government buildings, and state officials will help businesses seek federal help, said Mike Beasley, director of the state Department of Local Affairs.
William Hertel, owner of High Altitude Audio, said the bulldozer drove by his business at mid-afternoon, crushing aspen trees and light poles after the rampage began around 3 p.m.
"I was up on the roof when he came by. I got down and got my wife and kids out of the back of the building," Hertel said. He said he had heard numerous shots.
The scene was reminiscent of a 1998 rampage in Alma, another town in the Colorado Rockies. Authorities said Tom Leask shot a man to death, then used a town-owned front-end loader to heavily damage the town's post office, fire department, water department and town hall."

I NEED A TANK! I wouldn't run over anything important...
HONEST.

FIGHT THE POWER!
-Tank Girl

*at least, I think you do - I'm all for it. I think that Dr. Jack Kervorkian is a saint.