"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
-Alan Cohen

It's hard to believe that this is the last five minutes of my last day on this job that has been so much to me - from one end of the spectrum to the other. It has been a harbor and a curse, a blessing and a headache, a complete growth experience and a source of pain and illness... in all these ways and many more, it has been more present and consistent than any family I have ever had. I have never lived with anyone for five years, either consecutively or altogether. Not my parents, my siblings, my husband or boyfriends. This - and my little house on the hill - have been the most stable and consistent things I have ever known...


"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him."
-Viktor Frankl

...and yet here I go, out on my own, away from this safe and dangerous thing. My health has pushed me, my art has pulled me, and now, I take my chances in a world that id more familiar to me than any other, a world of change and chance...


"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."
-William Shakespeare

...Now my volunteers' soiree is over (and that has been the most bittersweet thing in all the leaving, along with that last "Ladies and gentlemen, the library will be closing in five minutes.") and I have been given their smiles and laughs and kind and thoughtful gifts - and damned fine cooking - I am thinking about all the things they've done for me outside the library too. Their greatest gift to me has been themselves, trusting me as a manager, and welcoming me into their lives and homes. When Connie - who has been good to me all these years (and like Jeanne and Anita and Susan, since before I even opened the doors on that first day, Dec. 01, 2000) - and who put this sweet party together, said (in response to my heartfelt thanks for their covering my heinie for all this time) "It was a pleasure.", I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she meant it. What an honor. Coming from these dedicated volunteers, who have more than one place that they give their free time to, not to mention lives and families and jobs, that means all the world. I have learned so much from these women and men. I hope they will have a chance to see what a good mark they've made on my life.

My children were sad today, but they know that I will not leave them, and so the sadness was just for seeing all my little junk and photos and kid art leave my desk. But they know, just like my vols and favorite patrons, that I am leaving with hope in my heart and a vision in my head - something I've never realistically had before. It helps me to have someone to not let down. And I know that I won't.
So, as I've said many, many times - and have meant every single time: "Onward and upward."
Here I go, into my brave and bright future.
For those of you who have carried me - family, friends, volunteers, co-workers, kids, community - bless you. I truly love you, and I would have never achieved this without you.

-s

p.s. speaking of brave and bright, check out the first page of my photo gallery. Stewart posted some pics from last nights' Stoneleaf festival opening night gala... whee!

(these quotes come from wisdom)