the sun has shone all day, and spring is sproinging... i've been at work, but i escaped for a bit at lunch and walked the tracks with a kid* and an ice cream cone**. i hope tomorrow is sunny, too, and that the world remains mostly un-blown-up for (at LEAST) one more day. if it does, then i will find the strength and courage to face whatever i have to face, to pray for those who don't have it this good.
when paul and i write, instead of signing off "i love you", or "take care", we always try to capture a remembered moment or experience to share with each other. here is one today for all of you:
the last golden rays of the new spring sun shining through the white blooms of bradford pear across the road, against the green hill by the railroad tracks. this is the view from the library window, and the first thing i'll see as i step out to head home and begin my days off.
may your days off begin with such loveliness. sheer beauty and unconscious, untroubled proliferation.
-s
*hi, eric! :)
**two scoops, one chocolate, one cherry.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
Friday, March 21, 2003
note to self:
(this is a quote from The Sun Magazine's Sunbeams page)
Stop thinking this is all there is… Realize that for every ongoing war and religious outrage and environmental devastation and bogus Iraqi attack plan, there are a thousand counterbalancing acts of staggering generosity and humanity and art and beauty happening all over the world, right now, on a breathtaking scale, from flower box to cathedral… Resist the temptation to drown in fatalism, to shake your head and sigh and just throw in the karmic towel… Realize that this is the perfect moment to change the energy of the world, to step right in and crank up your personal volume; right when it all seems dark and bitter and offensive and acrimonious and conflicted and bilious… there’s your opening. Remember magic. And, finally, believe you are part of a groundswell, a resistance, a seemingly small but actually very, very large, impending karmic overhaul, a great shift, the beginning of something important and potent and unstoppable.
-Mark Morford-
(this is a quote from The Sun Magazine's Sunbeams page)
Stop thinking this is all there is… Realize that for every ongoing war and religious outrage and environmental devastation and bogus Iraqi attack plan, there are a thousand counterbalancing acts of staggering generosity and humanity and art and beauty happening all over the world, right now, on a breathtaking scale, from flower box to cathedral… Resist the temptation to drown in fatalism, to shake your head and sigh and just throw in the karmic towel… Realize that this is the perfect moment to change the energy of the world, to step right in and crank up your personal volume; right when it all seems dark and bitter and offensive and acrimonious and conflicted and bilious… there’s your opening. Remember magic. And, finally, believe you are part of a groundswell, a resistance, a seemingly small but actually very, very large, impending karmic overhaul, a great shift, the beginning of something important and potent and unstoppable.
-Mark Morford-
Thursday, March 20, 2003
"all we can do is carry forward the best of the last reality, and start working for the best in this one.
keep your heart and mind on love." -excerpt from a letter that mi pablito sent me this morning.
this morning i addressed a group of counselors-in-training for 'steps-to-hope', a local branch of a national center for aiding the victims of domestic abuse. these women are training specifically to help the victims of child abuse.
i spoke for an hour an a half, i brought related art to show, and i brought these women to a clear realization of what they can do, that perhaps the only difference between me and a woman on the streets, in jail, or in the ground is THEM and people like them. i brought them to tears and i made them laugh. when i was done, these strangers (but two*) applauded me and hugged me and told me that i was an inspiration. (i wish you could have seen my face... :) this is the first time i've ever done anything like this, although i've dreamed of doing this since i was young, speaking out, helping others. to see these women moved and inspired - touched and fired up - was good for my heart and my hope.
i may not be able to stop this Big Insanity, or help everyone, but life will go on - although it may be harder for a while, maybe a long while - and i thank Creation that there is SOMEthing i can do to ease my own ache and need to not feel helpless, and to help other scared babies.
-s
*of the two women who were not strangers, one is a lovely lady who graduated from Sunset High 20 years before i did - we met at the flower shop, and the other was a young single mother whom i met in a dr.'s office three years ago. her new (redheaded, adorable)baby girl was VERY sick, and the doctors said she probably wouldn't live. when she left, i asked the dr. which hospital they'd sent her to, and when i got back to work, i sent a stuffed bunny and balloons to them with a note, saying that they were in my prayers.
when one lady told me that i was an inspiration, i said "i am driven to try to bring light and love to the world. there were people who did that for me, and that - combined with my own will and self belief - is what saved me." i told them that now i am compelled to speak to and encourage everyone i meet. i said "ask anyone who knows me, i'll tell a TREE that it looks especially strong today!"
that's when this young mother told the group that that little redheaded baby girl was the product of an 8-year abusive relationship and that she was miserable and torn when we met... she had considered aborting, but then couldn't, and when she was born she was so sweet and beautiful that she knew she'd decided well. then to hear that she might die was too much.
she told me - and the group - today that my concern, a complete strangers' concern, gave her hope. the baby was eventually ok, she got the courage to take action against the father, and now she is engaged to marry a good man, and is going to be a child abuse counselor.
if i only live another minute, i will die knowing i made a REAL difference in this world, and live that last 60 seconds knowing that i might still have time, in those seconds, to yet make a difference.
thank you (pablito, all of my good friends, my family, adopted and otherwise) for being part of that, of me, - MY inspiration, fuel to my fire, light in the dark.
i love you dearly.
-paraphrased excerpt from my reply to paul-
keep your heart and mind on love." -excerpt from a letter that mi pablito sent me this morning.
this morning i addressed a group of counselors-in-training for 'steps-to-hope', a local branch of a national center for aiding the victims of domestic abuse. these women are training specifically to help the victims of child abuse.
i spoke for an hour an a half, i brought related art to show, and i brought these women to a clear realization of what they can do, that perhaps the only difference between me and a woman on the streets, in jail, or in the ground is THEM and people like them. i brought them to tears and i made them laugh. when i was done, these strangers (but two*) applauded me and hugged me and told me that i was an inspiration. (i wish you could have seen my face... :) this is the first time i've ever done anything like this, although i've dreamed of doing this since i was young, speaking out, helping others. to see these women moved and inspired - touched and fired up - was good for my heart and my hope.
i may not be able to stop this Big Insanity, or help everyone, but life will go on - although it may be harder for a while, maybe a long while - and i thank Creation that there is SOMEthing i can do to ease my own ache and need to not feel helpless, and to help other scared babies.
-s
*of the two women who were not strangers, one is a lovely lady who graduated from Sunset High 20 years before i did - we met at the flower shop, and the other was a young single mother whom i met in a dr.'s office three years ago. her new (redheaded, adorable)baby girl was VERY sick, and the doctors said she probably wouldn't live. when she left, i asked the dr. which hospital they'd sent her to, and when i got back to work, i sent a stuffed bunny and balloons to them with a note, saying that they were in my prayers.
when one lady told me that i was an inspiration, i said "i am driven to try to bring light and love to the world. there were people who did that for me, and that - combined with my own will and self belief - is what saved me." i told them that now i am compelled to speak to and encourage everyone i meet. i said "ask anyone who knows me, i'll tell a TREE that it looks especially strong today!"
that's when this young mother told the group that that little redheaded baby girl was the product of an 8-year abusive relationship and that she was miserable and torn when we met... she had considered aborting, but then couldn't, and when she was born she was so sweet and beautiful that she knew she'd decided well. then to hear that she might die was too much.
she told me - and the group - today that my concern, a complete strangers' concern, gave her hope. the baby was eventually ok, she got the courage to take action against the father, and now she is engaged to marry a good man, and is going to be a child abuse counselor.
if i only live another minute, i will die knowing i made a REAL difference in this world, and live that last 60 seconds knowing that i might still have time, in those seconds, to yet make a difference.
thank you (pablito, all of my good friends, my family, adopted and otherwise) for being part of that, of me, - MY inspiration, fuel to my fire, light in the dark.
i love you dearly.
-paraphrased excerpt from my reply to paul-
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
10:38 pm 03/19/03
i just read the news. one article from yahoo was enough. air strike launched literally minutes ago.
i believed up until just now that reason would prevail. i should be proud and happy that this much faith and belief survives in me.
but either way, i was wrong, and we are now a world at war.
so, i will tell you a story, because what else can we do, right now, but circle the wagons and huddle together?
Once upon a time, there was a girl who grew up in a box. It was a fairly small box, but it was raddled with holes, so it let the sun in – in spots – and gave a way to watch the weather. Some times, people would wander by and speak, or even ask about the box, but as the girl was quite young, she didn’t really know how to answer. So, her visitors eventually wandered away, as people sometimes do.
As the girl grew, two things happened. She started to not fit very well in the box, and she became pretty smart about the weather. These changes also had several effects, two of them being that she realized that she could get out of the box if she wanted to, and she could talk to people about the weather.
She found that people liked to discuss the weather. It was a universal condition, and a safe topic, and she just happened to be passionate about it, as it had been the primary – indeed only – occupation of her youth (well, other than intensives studies in box-physics and box-interior decorating). Her deep love of the science and sensory display of the weather seemed a bit odd to people, though, and so people still eventually wandered away.
One day, as she was venturing out of her box, an entire group of people came wandering by.
They seemed excited and were behaving rather strangely. When they came near her box she asked them what all the hoo-ha was about. One of them said “We hear that there are some excellent and interesting meteorological phenomenon in this area!” Another said “We certainly hope that the light lasts long enough for us to capture some of the fractals from the inversion layer!” A third said “Yeah, ‘cause it’s reeeeaaalllly pretty!”
That night, after spending the evening with these strange people, she lay in bed and thought: “Hm. I wonder if I could put this box on wheels?”
She did, and left for different weather. She went on to be accepted into the Seriously Adventurous Meteorologists’ Society, and opened a successful small business helping people convert boxes to Recreational Vehicles and Winter Cottages.
The moral of this story is:
-To be continued (i HOPE).
to all of you who called and wrote and came to me in your ways today, to ease my pain and fear, god bless you. YOU are what i have faith in. if you need any help getting your box onto wheels, or just want someone to talk about weather with, call me. i promise to do the same.
love and peace,
-sam
i just read the news. one article from yahoo was enough. air strike launched literally minutes ago.
i believed up until just now that reason would prevail. i should be proud and happy that this much faith and belief survives in me.
but either way, i was wrong, and we are now a world at war.
so, i will tell you a story, because what else can we do, right now, but circle the wagons and huddle together?
Once upon a time, there was a girl who grew up in a box. It was a fairly small box, but it was raddled with holes, so it let the sun in – in spots – and gave a way to watch the weather. Some times, people would wander by and speak, or even ask about the box, but as the girl was quite young, she didn’t really know how to answer. So, her visitors eventually wandered away, as people sometimes do.
As the girl grew, two things happened. She started to not fit very well in the box, and she became pretty smart about the weather. These changes also had several effects, two of them being that she realized that she could get out of the box if she wanted to, and she could talk to people about the weather.
She found that people liked to discuss the weather. It was a universal condition, and a safe topic, and she just happened to be passionate about it, as it had been the primary – indeed only – occupation of her youth (well, other than intensives studies in box-physics and box-interior decorating). Her deep love of the science and sensory display of the weather seemed a bit odd to people, though, and so people still eventually wandered away.
One day, as she was venturing out of her box, an entire group of people came wandering by.
They seemed excited and were behaving rather strangely. When they came near her box she asked them what all the hoo-ha was about. One of them said “We hear that there are some excellent and interesting meteorological phenomenon in this area!” Another said “We certainly hope that the light lasts long enough for us to capture some of the fractals from the inversion layer!” A third said “Yeah, ‘cause it’s reeeeaaalllly pretty!”
That night, after spending the evening with these strange people, she lay in bed and thought: “Hm. I wonder if I could put this box on wheels?”
She did, and left for different weather. She went on to be accepted into the Seriously Adventurous Meteorologists’ Society, and opened a successful small business helping people convert boxes to Recreational Vehicles and Winter Cottages.
The moral of this story is:
-To be continued (i HOPE).
to all of you who called and wrote and came to me in your ways today, to ease my pain and fear, god bless you. YOU are what i have faith in. if you need any help getting your box onto wheels, or just want someone to talk about weather with, call me. i promise to do the same.
love and peace,
-sam
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
this man is one of the most brave people i have ever seen.
i imagine that somehow, even a statement - a plea - this enormous, this precise and poignant and brave will be ignored by the American Powers That Be. and by all of us, too.
what else can we do? all resign?
if only these obsessed driven men would take more time to THINK. we cannot make excuses for another nations' leaders' greed, cruelty and lack of concern, but what about when our OWN leaders are acting this way?
as components of a so-called democratic government, we are still somehow helpless. our voice, our vote means nothing to these men.
the mandated 48 hours ends tomorrow.
god bless robin cook for trying.
i imagine that somehow, even a statement - a plea - this enormous, this precise and poignant and brave will be ignored by the American Powers That Be. and by all of us, too.
what else can we do? all resign?
if only these obsessed driven men would take more time to THINK. we cannot make excuses for another nations' leaders' greed, cruelty and lack of concern, but what about when our OWN leaders are acting this way?
as components of a so-called democratic government, we are still somehow helpless. our voice, our vote means nothing to these men.
the mandated 48 hours ends tomorrow.
god bless robin cook for trying.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
Well, last night we went to downtown Asheville, dressed in garb and “talked” up the faire… it was SUCH a good time! I don’t want to wax TOO lyrical, because our Lyrica couldna’ be there, as well as a few others who should have, but couldn’t. Maybe, if we’re lucky there will be photos!
I would like to take a moment to publicly and shamelessly brag about the incredible, amazing, fun, generous, smart, accomplished, good lookin' friends I have.
There is one who treated me most especially well this weekend. Buffy (for those of you who don’t know her – yet…) is the lady that brought me into the Faire group, taught me to fight, and allowed me the honor of fighting with her last year at my first fair. (we rocked b*$@%- socks AND kicked BUTT – literally. See the photos here! ) She is also known in the Kingdom of Day Off for bringing me into her home whenever she can, and treating me like another one of the family. I never leave her home without feeling full of good family feeling (and GOOD FOOD!). I need that SO much sometimes and she knows it. She knows when. She* makes me feel welcomed and cared for, and as if I belong. She is one of the kindest, most generous, loving*** people that I have ever known, and somehow she manages to treat ALL of her friends this way without ever losing herself or being a doormat in ANY way. She is a fantastic mom, and you should SEE her put up with Brett! :D
I’ve mentioned her and her clan here before, talked of the kindness and welcome of her family, but I can’t describe her strength to you, or the generosity of her spirit in any way that could BEGIN to capture it. You just have to take my word for it! :D But those of you who know Buffy, or someone who has some of these incredible qualities, who helps to fill the chasm of homesickness and loneliness that us lone wolves feel, know what I mean. These people who help re-charge your batteries.
Thanks for helping me keep the light on Buffy – and Hamilton, Mary, Brian, Andi, Elizabeth,
Mandy, Ethan, Jen, Tam, Stewart, Wendi, Marc, James, Sarah, Sharon, Sallie, Anita, Kaysha, Heather, D. Beth, … I could sit here and list names for hours and still not be able to name all of the wonderful people that I know who make my life livable, or better yet, good.
Oh, and, uh, thanks for the wood, Buff! Uh huh huh!
*(THEY – Brett, Ariana, Skye, Elia and Inky-do**.
**the BEST cat in the WHOLE world, y’all – I’d bet MONEY.
***not to mention HOT. You saw the pictures!
I would like to take a moment to publicly and shamelessly brag about the incredible, amazing, fun, generous, smart, accomplished, good lookin' friends I have.
There is one who treated me most especially well this weekend. Buffy (for those of you who don’t know her – yet…) is the lady that brought me into the Faire group, taught me to fight, and allowed me the honor of fighting with her last year at my first fair. (we rocked b*$@%- socks AND kicked BUTT – literally. See the photos here! ) She is also known in the Kingdom of Day Off for bringing me into her home whenever she can, and treating me like another one of the family. I never leave her home without feeling full of good family feeling (and GOOD FOOD!). I need that SO much sometimes and she knows it. She knows when. She* makes me feel welcomed and cared for, and as if I belong. She is one of the kindest, most generous, loving*** people that I have ever known, and somehow she manages to treat ALL of her friends this way without ever losing herself or being a doormat in ANY way. She is a fantastic mom, and you should SEE her put up with Brett! :D
I’ve mentioned her and her clan here before, talked of the kindness and welcome of her family, but I can’t describe her strength to you, or the generosity of her spirit in any way that could BEGIN to capture it. You just have to take my word for it! :D But those of you who know Buffy, or someone who has some of these incredible qualities, who helps to fill the chasm of homesickness and loneliness that us lone wolves feel, know what I mean. These people who help re-charge your batteries.
Thanks for helping me keep the light on Buffy – and Hamilton, Mary, Brian, Andi, Elizabeth,
Mandy, Ethan, Jen, Tam, Stewart, Wendi, Marc, James, Sarah, Sharon, Sallie, Anita, Kaysha, Heather, D. Beth, … I could sit here and list names for hours and still not be able to name all of the wonderful people that I know who make my life livable, or better yet, good.
Oh, and, uh, thanks for the wood, Buff! Uh huh huh!
*(THEY – Brett, Ariana, Skye, Elia and Inky-do**.
**the BEST cat in the WHOLE world, y’all – I’d bet MONEY.
***not to mention HOT. You saw the pictures!
