I wrote my best friend from high school ("Bo") a long, newsy e catching him up on our holiday stuff and the latest. I hope he won't mind if I re-post the bulk of his letter to catch all of you up, too. It started with a poem I read that made me think of him and inspired me to write to him and let him know how it's hangin'. But it goes on to tell him how I managed to "save Christmas" (at least for myself and my new family):

"This poem was in my "Writer's Almanac" daily e for Monday, 27 DECEMBER, 2004 -
It reminded me very much of you (and of Paul too, for that matter... you two have lots of wonderful - in my opinion - things in common, not the least of which - in my opinion - is being so very treasured and respected by me. ;)
I hope that your holidays were lovely and that you and your home-babies were insulated together against midwinter angst*. :)
Ours were very nice and still continuing to be so. we have a new family member (George, the VERY bad swimming psycho kitty) who has made my ongoing xmas project even more fun than it might have been ( *sigh* ). We gave our local fam and friends (along with some of the mail-aways) home-made jewelry, home-made salsa and home-movie type videos (of old family photos with nice fades, etc. and music - moo. Chris' folks all cried. even his relatively stoic, nigh-silent dad, whoa.), but we also made cards explaining that all our big shopping $ was going to be spent on mailing packages to several soldiers (not just mid.east, but world-wide) we've adopted (including a canine and his trainer); as well a project that another soldier is doing called "Hope of Iraq", which is collecting and distributing clothes, toys, school and art supplies, etc. to the children there. he's based in kuwait city, but he sends packages out by convoy to other places, too.
We have actually enjoyed all the shopping - even the terrifying prospect of after-xmas sales turned out to be fun in the light of this venture. we made it as simple and efficient as possible (NO MALL! NO WALMART! MUCH LOCAL SHOPPING! - and library booksales and thrift stores and...) and managed to find lots of inexpensive, useful, fun things that were on all our troops' wish lists - and scheduled in a good Nipponese dinner while we were at it. I am also going through my replicant's photo collection and sharing some of my "pastoral" or "humorous" (those sound like reader's digest anecdote categories, don't they?) pictures that might remind them of home, and some pressed leaf and flower bookmarks, too, 'cause one soldier said they'd love to get those - and LETTERS. They want letters most of all, so we put our "adoptees" names and addresses in our xmas cards, along with link to the site where some VERY nice military families organize all this stuff, so our folks could follow suit if they please.
There’s been no rush to it all either, ‘cause i realized early on that they'll all be flooded with xmas !#$% (as will the mail), so we waited to hit the pre-xmas mark-downs (and i sent 0 xmas items), and will mail the packages off in time to hit the mid-winter, post-xmas blue season. :)
I’ve got all the toys and kid clothes nicely washed already, all my shopping has been divided into each soldiers' box (am just waiting to add the last minute - ie: next paycheck - stamps and snacks) - the small things like safety pins and tea lights into Halloween Ziploc’s, yay - so now I just have to write my letters and get it all packed up nice and fancy.
It feels good to feel so purposeful and useful, to believe that I am making a difference in this bad old beautiful horrible world, especially now. Do you remember if that always made me so happy? I can't remember, but it seems like it must have been that way, but maybe not. I have always been self-absorbed, but hopefully less now, and hopefully not always completely.
Either way, it turns out that I can't really live without it now. Anti-depressants only do so much. If I feel like I am falling down on the job, or that I am losing myself in even a hint of apathy, I can't sleep and I am miserable. My latest temporary therapist (maintenance shrink) said "Sam, you need to slow down." I wanted to say "Don't you remember how it was back in the early fall when I was SO unbelievably, even dangerously unhappy because there was so much bad in the world, and I felt so helpless and hopeless? You made me come up with ideas [which she all thought were too ambitious at the time. psh!] and now here I am making them happen, happy as a mollusk-of-your-choice, and feeling like I am operating at at least some nominal percentage of my capacity ( for a !#$% change - and you're telling me to slow down? HA! :)

And speaking of slowing down... NOT! I don't know if you've read my rant recently (specifically Thursday, December 09, 2004), but I am finally doing comedy onstage. Performing, writing, choreographing, costuming, props, music, all. You can read the rant for the basic details, but the update that hasn't been added is that, after that first show, at our second writers meeting, Tommy - the guy who started this troupe** - said that, in the years that he's been doing this, this meeting was the first time he'd ever felt that this, our dynamic, was what he REALLY wanted. :D :D :D we are all SUCH a good team! Attendance is up; our tips for the last two shows (my first two, Chris' 2nd and 3rd) were record-breaking and TRIPLED the usual tips. We’ve decided to go to a juried comedy festival in Boston in the summer and see if we can make NON-locals laugh and win some $$$ and attention.
We have our next meeting on Jan. 2 and I can't wait. X and I wrote/outlined our sketch over breakfast this a.m. and we think it'll be a hit. It’s a commercial and sketch about the ridiculousness of product names, like: "NEW IMPROVED, ALL NATURAL, LOW FAT, CRANBERRY-CHOCOLATE-DOO-HICKEY-FLAVOURED, MOUNTAIN FRESH ZING!POW!ZAPPO!WHAMMO!SPLASH! - LITE!" our new product that we'll be hawking is called "TOO MANY ADJECTIVES!" and then we'll do a sketch about two people trying to decide between all these products. I get to make labels for 'em - whee!

I thought you'd be interested to hear of my newest adventures - and fear not... my photography is NOT lagging. i did several sets of xmas portraits for some folks, we did three different photo projects this year (including our xmas card), i'm doing our packages project into a photo story for next year's xmas cards, and George and Luna are keeping the snapshot cam hot. Chris also said that he wants to hit an after xmas sale and buy me a nice digi-cam for my 'big' xmas prezzie, so there's that to look forward to, too! :)
The art's not suffering either. I made x his own wish-book for xmas, i made 18 pieces of jewelry, several wreaths and arrangements, and one commissioned sketch for a friend, too.
Yes, I’m tired, but it's a good tired. i can sleep at night at least, and peacefully, usually. I’m still haunted - and yes, it's been worse than even usual since the whole war started (basically since the Florida election crap, but it has escalated badly since the twin towers horror) - but it's manageable. I’d rather eventually be locked up for obsessive "Unbreakable" compulsion than for the horrible depression that apathy brings on.
I also make time for myself within what I’m doing. I’ve always been a "multi-tasker". I’m learning how to make my hyper-vigilance and hyper-activity work for me. When I’m doing small tedious work like jewelry, or when I’m drawing or sorting and packing, I watch movies that I’ve seen a million times and still love, so that I can be in that world while I work. I must admit, if it's a looonnnnng, drawn-out job, "Pride and Prejudice" (the BBC with *sigh* Colin Firth, yes, ala Bridget Jones' Diary) is my top fave. And then when there's a pause in my work and I can do what I please, I take long baths and then pile up on the couch with the beasts and x and my new electric blanky couch throw that Joe and his wife sent for ChristmaKwanzukkahYule and some tea masala and ginger thins and get deeeeeeeeeply lost in my 'catchup' films - the strange (Cecil B. Demented, 13 Moons...), the foreign (Hundstage - !!!!, the Five Obstructions...); The mooshy and brilliant (Walter, the Station Agent - I have a crush on Peter Dinklage, can you tell?) etc. - and of course I read my head off whenever I have a chance. I was gifted with "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer for yule, and I am already completely immersed in the story. I LOVED 'everything is illuminated'. If you haven't read it, I think you would like it. It sounds like Julia and I enjoy some of the same reading too, so pass the title on to her as well, if she hasn't read it already.
[Note to other readers – all of our xmas gifts this year were especially thoughtful, useful and lovely. some of my favorites are the aforementioned electric ‘throw’ that Joe and Ellie sent us for snuggling all together on the couch in my cold, old house; Chris gave me a beeee-yooo-tiful stainless steel percolator*; the riddles gave us PILES of happy stuff, but I was especially pleased with my Discman and a GREAT book; Jen gave me a beautiful handmade bag o’ goodies – along with a handmade book that she FOUND – at THRIFT – for a DOLLAR!; Andi gave me THE phattest pair of warm fluffy pj’s, navy flannel with little stars and plaid cuffs and pockets; Stewart gave me ‘The art of the Discworld and some gossip that did my heart good; Chris’ grandma and aunt and uncle gave us lots of lovely things too, but Agnes’ impromptu clavinova concert while we had desert and coffee was my favorite; and Dan gave me one of the best books I’ve ever read (bonus, it cost him nothing, and is the advanced reader’s copy!) lovely xmas – thank you all!]

OK! Enough news. Sorry. I always end up catching up in a torrent. I will continue on with checking my e's and trying to look busy, and leave you to your poem.
You live in my heart, Mr. King [in the photo, he's the one all the way back right! Yes Bo, I "Googled" you!], you and yours.
Much love, and BAJILLIONS of wishes for a VERY good new year for all of you in the L.A. branch of Clan King, as well as to your Gulf of Mexico folks. [and all of you in Blog Reader Land, too!]
Take care, and don't be surprised if you have me as a neighbor again before you know it... X has been receiving e's from a director he worked with last summer with lots of job posts out there. he's been talking about it a good bit. He’s going to try to get TV work here first (editing, he hopes, but he can do it all, even sales) for a while, and then see what happens before he (WE - eee!) make that scary leap... we shall see!
xoxoxoxoxox
-Sam

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Poem: "This is How Memory Works" by Patricia Hampl, from Resort © Carnegie Mellon University Press. Reprinted with permission. (by Writer's Almanac)

This is How Memory Works
You are stepping off a train.
A wet blank night, the smell of cinders.
A gust of steam from the engine swirls
around the hem of your topcoat,
aroundthe hand holding the brown leather valise,
the hand that, a moment ago,
slicked backthe hair and then put on the fedora
in front of the mirror with the beveled
edges in the cherrywood compartment.
The girl standing on the platform
in the Forties dress
has curled her hair, she has
nylon stockings - no, silk stockings still.
Her shoulders are touchingly military,
squared by those shoulder pads
and a sweet faith in the Allies.
She is waiting for you.
She can be wearing a hat, if you like.
You see her first -
that's part of the beauty:
you get the pure, eager face,the lyrical dress, the surprise.
You can have the steam,
the crowded depot, the camel's-hair coat,
real leather and brass clasps on the suitcase;
you can make the lights glow with
strange significance, and the black cars
that pass you are historical yet ordinary.
The girl is yours, the flowery dress,
the walkto the streetcar, a fried egg sandwich
and a joke about Mussolini.
You can have it all:
you're in that world, the only way
you'll ever be there now, hired
for your silent hammer, to nail pictures
to the walls of this mansion
made of thinnest air.

xo
-s
"It was all merely a desperate attempt to escape the kitsch that people wanted to make of her life." -The Unbearable Lightness of Being - M. Kundera

*our letters crossed in the 'net, and i found out that he and his fiance were having a very tough time with her health - she is kicking thyroid cancer's ass - but that she is ok now, everything looking good, and that their babies (Dodger and Dakota - pups) and they are happy and doing well.
**and a complete !#$% GENIUS. I really admire him. We all do.
***I’m just not too crazy about pressed coffee, and I have no room for an electric drip thingy.