I Challenge Everyone to Do This.

(LJ folks:You don’t have to do it here – though I’d LOVE to read folks’ lists. Blog readers – e them to me!) Be honest, and don’t worry about “bragging”. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t deserve to brag at least a little. And for those of you who might have a bad opinion of me (and I know that some do, and I can honestly understand why). I didn't do this for the purpose of bragging - I did it because I needed to, and I posted it to encourage others to do so.

100 Things I Like About Myself:

When I go to Google, I automatically (unthinkingly) click “Images” first.

My elegant, often unbelievable name: Samantha Louanne Lovelace.

My own sort of Geekism, which I usually think of as somehow inferior, is actually true Old School Geekism, pre-computer, pre-con, pre-game. I am an art*/knowledge/language/
hedonistic nerd, who also happens to love and respect all this “new-fangled” Geekism, too.

People find it easy to be honest with me, even if they think that what they need to say might hurt.

I can’t keep a secret.

I cook good soul food.

My taste in much music and many films is unashamedly cheesy.

I feel comfortable with children.

I love things that are bent, broken, mottled, freckled, speckled, spotted, strange – things that are often unloved by most everyone else. Even things that are often broken and completely unusable, but still beautiful, I turn into art.

I like to try new things.

My tattoos make me feel strong and happy.

I can often make the very best of very bad things.

I try to see the good in bad things, and often can.

As much as the past hurts me, I still love the person that I am, and admire my own strength.

I draw kindness from good people.

My bizarre and festive fashion “sense”.

The fact that my birthdays are month-long events, and that people look forward to being included in the fun.

My very deep and ingrained “Southerness” – I suppose it is the heart of what grace I have.

I am – despite popular opinion and even possible evidence – very logical and practical.

My love for all animals, but especially “weird” ones.

My passion for boys, Orc and otherwise.

My ability to love ‘the monsters’ (Frankenstein, Roy Batty, the Orcses, Tobie, etc.)

My odd face.

My hands. The way they look, their sensitivity, all that they can do.

My very strange and intermittently eerily accurate mnemonic ability (yes, sometimes I even remember things that haven’t happened yet)

Despite their origins, my hyperawareness and hypervigilance.

The intrinsic artistic nature of my entire being.

My ability to create so easily.

The fact that I recognize some good things about myself.

The fact that I recognize some bad things about myself.

My ability to empathize.

The fact that I really DO like long walks on the beach.

I can draw anything.

I enjoy honestly flattering people, even strangers.

The extra wonderful fact that cool, intelligent, strong, amazing women love me and are drawn to me.

When I go to “ethnic” restaurants, I do my best to speak/practice their language a little (which I actively attempt to learn bits of in my spare time).

I think bugs, even spiders, are really cool.

I like to organize things.

I can’t resist cute baby anythings.

I like boy clothes.

I am “cute”.

My scars (and the scars of others) are beautiful to me.

I am not shy about trying any new cuisine.

I am “old-fashioned” in a lot of ways.

I press dozens of flowers every year, and on every trip I take, then make them into bookmarks.

I think girls are wonderful, pretty, special, and as unique as flowers.

It makes me happy to make girls feel extra-special, extra-pretty, and stronger.

One day, I vow to live in a place and situation where I’ll never have to wear anything but pajamas and flip-flops if I don’t want to.

I don’t play video games.

I gave up TV eight years ago.

I quit smoking two years ago yesterday (04/15).

I sing pretty much constantly.

My sketchbooks and journals could fill a small storage space.

I think Bjork is the coolest human alive (that I know about).

I think most of my friends tie for second-coolest human alive (and that birds of a feather flock together).

I feed the rabbits in my yard, and leave nest-stuff for the birds every year.

I ‘art’ obsessively.

Storms make me veryvery happy.

I still miss my ex-husband. I especially wish I could discuss the latest movies with him.

I reallyreallyreally love hot tea.

I don’t actually think that people are generally so very different, and I don’t think that’s such a bad thing.

Sometimes I like the “bad” things about people so much that I’d rather them stay that way than change so that I could be around them more.

I miss my grandma.

I have a lot of heroes.

I make GREAT salsa.

I like to be sparkly, I like sparkly things.

I am both veryvery silly and veryvery serious, and I don’t think that’s bad.

I’m both a BIG girl and a SMALL person.

Rubbing my face on kitty bellies works better at relieving my stress than any drug.

I make insecure men mad.

I make secure men happy.

I challenge people to be more – whatever they are, whatever they want to be – directly and indirectly.

People say that I am the most capable person they know.

People say that I am the sanest person they know.

I’ve been through hell and I’m still a good person.

I trust people more than I should.

I make up words, and people “steal” them.

I’m good at lots of things.

I’m excited that there’s still so much for me to see and learn.

“Shy” is a word that is seldom used to describe me.

I’ve had to physically defend myself and others many times, and I have never hit a girl and I have never lost a fight.

I’m a good dancer.

I am known for speaking my mind.

I’ve faced a lot of my fears.

I inspire people.

Motherhood is not for me, I know exactly why, and that’s ok.

I am a great babysitter.

When a movie is based on something else (comic or book), I can avoid comparison, and enjoy the movie for what it is.

I am not a snob about books, movies, etc. – though if someone tries to get snarky on me, I can go there.

I am very (veryvery) sharp-witted. I never think “Oh! I wish I’d thought of that - (fill in snappy comeback)!” an hour later.

I am brave in many ways.

I am really into good hygiene.

My house is never too very messy and things are pretty well organized, despite the fact that I am a terrible pack-rat.

I am less of a pack-rat than I used to be.

Although I am sentimental, I can also let things go. I have learned to lose things and cope.

I exaggerate AND procrastinate.

I’m bad at paperwork and other red-tapey things.

I want to make/see the people around me happy.

I have survived horrible things and still am not bitter, cynical or jaded.

I can think of at least 100 things that I like about myself!!! :D

MAKE A LIST! Send it to me, if you want to!
Much love,
-s

*art = visual, photog, film, music, dance, etc. – all to me.

I will NEVER stop trusting, NEVER stop skipping and singing wherever I go, NEVER stop enjoying the flowers, the sun the rain...
Find a better hobby, folks...

There are some cowardly, pathetic, embittered, spiteful, petty, insipid, hateful, two-faced busybodies in this world, and apparently, at least a few of them read this blog. Let me say right off the bat that this is not the kind of thing I would say in this very public forum about anyone I know (no, Andi, it’s not YOU! ;), so let me also add “anonymous”* to my list of hurt and angry adjectives. If I knew who they were, I’d more than likely not have anything to do with them, therefore saving them the trouble of having to be involved in my horrible, sordid, useless, annoying life, and save me the trouble of having to lower myself to their level to say how little I appreciate them using this sacred space that contains the outpourings of my heart and mind against me and other innocent people.
If, however, these were people I knew, and they were brave and self-aware enough to actually speak to me in person about the problems they have with me and any of the things I say here, then I would tell them what I thought about the methods to their madness**, and how unkind it is to use assumptions about what I write here to emotionally bludgeon me and others as well***. I wouldn’t waste my time posting blogs about it, I'd wait for the right time, and deal with it as directly and diplomatically as possible.
I can’t even begin to imagine why they would do this to someone they call a friend****, and I suppose that’s between them and the people who call them friend, but I have plenty of guesses why they might come here and read what I’m sure they think of, if they truly dislike me so much, as drivel, then turn around and try to use it as a weapon in multiple ways*****. I went to high school; I remember this methodology all too well. In order to be aware of this blog, they must also know me, and know that I trust them to some extent, and that’s terrible******. I admit it, I am way too trusting. But thank god SOMEbody is. I’m glad that these folks are too cowardly to show their true feelings to me, because then I would be angry and find it harder to treat them like I treat everyone that I don’t know for sure is an ignoranus*******. I may be self-centered (which is – or should be - a perfectly normal state for anyone who isn’t a parent), but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone has good intentions, and that I am not wasting my time by trying to be nice to them. In fact, I try to find a soft spot in my heart for those who are hardened and hurt, because I know there’s usually a reason for that********, and I feel sympathy for them. If growing up in my family wasn’t able to kill my ability to trust, then this incident certainly won’t, and I really think, when it comes right down to it, that this attitude is a BIIIIG part of the problem. I think that some people are so unhappy in their own disappointing lives********* that they can’t bear to see anyone else making a better go of it than they do. They feel compelled to try to knock people down to what they think of as their level. I could be wrong. I could just be the terrible person they think I am, and deluded, but I trust my friends who I know are good people, and who tell me always how much they love, respect and admire me. I wish this anonymous, acrimonious lot had friends like mine – I think that’s a BIIIG part of the problem too. There’s also the fact that I trust my own judgment – at least regarding myself. If I thought I were the be-all/end-all proverbial donkey’s knob, then I can see how folks might want to knock me down a peg, make me less “popular”, or make potentially bad relationships even worse (that’s extra-shoddy, because that stands to hurt more than just me. UN-cool.) But I have plenty of flaws and problems. And I’m not shy about admitting them, or discussing them openly, as all my friends and readers – anonymous or otherwise – well know. I know that deep down, despite all my flaws (some of them quite huge and noticeable), I am a good person, with the best intentions, and that I have a lot of love for myself, my friends, and the world in general. Yes, one of my many imperfections is that, if I am hurt or angry, I want to talk about it, and share it with people who either care about me, or who might sympathize. But I try very hard to be as gentle and honest as possible when doing so, because I know that my perception, as well as the perceptions of others is limited, and that I might not have the whole story. I try very hard not to write anything here or say anything out loud that could make the situation worse. And attempting to lie here would be like standing in the middle of wherever you’re most unpopular wearing a sign that says “SHOOT ME”. People would definitely notice it, and definitely call me on it – at least I hope they would… the public forum helps to keep me honest and realistic.
Nobody has to like me. That’s perfectly all right. I work well as a Universe of one (well, one plus dog...) Everyone is welcome to his or her opinion, even if that opinion is that I am a worthless piece of drek. But if someone doesn’t like me, they need to either stay away from me and ignore me, or if for whatever reason they are forced to interact with me, then they can offer me the minimum of input, and I will treat them with as much respect and care as I would any stranger in need of my assistance. If they feel enough hatred for me to read my blog and try to use what I write to hurt me and other people, then they need to go ahead and tell me how they feel, get it out of their system, and move on to filling the hollow space in their life that disgusting, terrible ME is currently occupying, and do something to make themselves a better, happier person. If there is really a problem between myself and anyone else, then I sincerely hope that they and I are adult enough to deal with it in our own good time, and even if I did write something terrible about someone here, slanderous or otherwise, how could it ever hurt them if they didn’t know about it? (Are these people looking my mother up to tell her about all my complaints too? Those at least are true.) I would certainly question the motive of the person who brought me the news as much as I’d question the person who allegedly did me wrong. A real hero and a real friend would try to protect the victim from the attack, and confront the bad person (me, in this case) who had the audacity to do this to them. My motive – for saying something hurtful about someone in this public forum – would at least be obvious, and I am brave enough to be straightforward, NON-anonymous, and be available to explain myself to whomever I might have hurt.
Let me make it clear that I am writing this in full awareness of the non-anonymous, otherwise innocent people who might be reading my this page – I’m pretty sure you know who you are. I hope that you can understand why I felt the need to express this particular sentiment in this particular place, and I want you to know that I appreciate you being honest with me, your willingness to try to see my perspective, your understanding and your acceptance of my apology. I respect anyone brave enough to confront their dragons, even if their dragon is me. I am willing to accept any and all backlash from this, simply because it is my right to express myself here. I know you understand that because you told me so. Thank you.

Folks, question your own motives. Protect your friends. Confront your dragons. And instead of hating someone for loving life, learn to love your own. Here are some hopefully helpful antonyms for some of the harsh words I’ve used here tonight:

acrimonious: pleasant
cowardly: brave
pathetic: admirable, heartening, magnanimous
embittered: mellow, glad
spiteful: kind
petty: important, generous
insipid: exciting, full of life
hateful: lovable
busybody: someone who likes their own life enough to mind their own business.

If this isn’t YOU I’m talking to, you’ll KNOW it.
-s

*cow·ard·ly [ków?rdlee] adj
not brave: caused by a lack of courage, or lacking courage
cruel and spineless: showing meanness or cruelty to those who are weaker and fear of those who are equal or stronger

**pa·thet·ic [p? théttik] adj
pitiful: provoking or expressing feelings of pity
contemptibly inadequate: so inadequate as to be laughable or contemptible (informal)

***hate·ful [háytf?l]
spitefully malevolent: characterized by malevolence or spite
evoking feelings of hatred: eliciting feelings or reactions of hatred, detestation, or abhorrence

****bus·y·bod·y [bízzee bòddee]
n prying person: somebody who tends to meddle with other people’s business (informal)
[Late 16th century. Via French pathétique from, ultimately, Greek path?tikos “sensitive,” which was formed, ultimately, from pathos “feeling” (source of English pathos). The underlying sense is “moving, arousing emotion.”]

*****spite·ful [sp?tf’l] adj
vindictive in petty way: full of or showing petty maliciousness

******two-faced
adj 1: marked by deliberate deceptiveness especially by pretending one set of feelings and acting under the influence of another; "she was a deceitful scheming little thing"- Israel Zangwill; "a double-dealing double agent"; "a double-faced infernal traitor and schemer"- W.M.Thackeray

*******both stupid AND an a-hole.

********em·bit·ter·ed [em bítt?rd] adj
feeling bitter: having become bitter, for example, because of hardship, injustice, or neglect

********pet·ty [péttee]
adj
insignificant: of little importance
narrow-minded: narrow-minded in nature
mean: spiteful in character
of relatively little importance: subordinate in rank or importance
[14th century. From Old French peti , a variant of petit “small,” of unknown origin.]

*********in·sip·id [in síppid] adj
dull: dull because lacking in character and lively qualities “that insipid languor that results from the removal of all passions from the mind”David Hume
[Early 17th century. Directly or via French from late Latin insipidus “tasteless,” from sapidus “having a flavor.”] -in·si·pid·i·ty [ìnsi pídd?tee], n -in·sip·id·ly [in síppidlee], adv -in·sip·id·ness, n