Well, to keep up the whole “moosh-factor”, I’d just like to say here that living with George Huxley Riddle*, our cute new kitty is like… well, like…
…
…LIVING WITH AN INSANE FERRET!!!
Let me tell you folks, this cat is a psycho weasel-beast from Watabungi**!
I’ve had other cats. My senior year of high school, I had a little white cat and a little black cat named ‘Crockett’ and ‘Tubbs’”***. They mostly stayed outside, and I didn’t live there for very long, so I don’t remember much about them. Then in junior college, dad and Shirley let me feed a couple of stray kitties, both black with white trim, named Jenny-fur and Lucy-fur. They were outside cats too, same deal. I guess they wandered off after I moved into the dorm.
When I was at USM, I got another black cat named Nephilim. He lived inside and I knew him well, but he was fairly sane. He played with string and toy mice, got into a little trouble every now and then, and fell in the tub once, but overall seemed like a normal cat.
I adopted him out when I moved into a place where I couldn’t really keep him. Then we had Logan, who grew into an ENORMOUS, poofy**** cat. Logan was weird in that he liked to watch ice skating… hm… (see ****) and could beat up wild animals, but he was otherwise your average, playful, lazy, stately cat. He went to live with Ronnie and Heather at their Cat Farm when we moved into our apartment. Then came Ra and Set. They were two sweet tabby brothers who came to stay briefly until I found them a home with a lonely elderly lady – just normal, playful kittens.
Then there was Cat, and she was CAT incarnate. Stately, graceful, bitchy, spoiled. She wasn’t too crazy about most people, she kept Luna in her place (and frankly scared the bejesus out of her too) and played a good bit, stalk, hunt, and chase; she liked things on strings, and loved to bird watch – normal cat.
Not Our George.
This morning (after he got in the tub with me again. I thought he’d stop after I sank him yesterday…) he was tearing around the house like a maniac. He tried to attack Luna several times – she ignored him. When she got up on the foot of the people bed, he got in her bed on the floor. She got up, rousted him out and under our bed. When she got back up and comfortable again, he came out and got right back in her bed. Repeat process. SEVERAL times.
Last night as I was trying to write in my journal, they decided to play “chase the evil kitty around mom’s chair”. I had a good time watching Luna watch me try to teach George “sit” and “stay”. She was very amused. I was exploring the concept “futile”.
After that, I made a bed on the floor. My back was hurting, and I thought a night on the floor in front of the heater would do me good (it did – I slept better than I’ve slept in WEEKS, maybe even MONTHS). As soon as I got situated in the dark, and got my covers and pillows just right, I heard “brrrrrrump, brrrrrrrrump, Brrrrrump, BBRRRUMP!” and then catrunningrightacrossmyface “brrrrump, brrrrump, brrrrump…”.
"!&#$-*%#! IT, GEORGE! GYAH!!!" (cuss, cuss, cuss...)
Another moment, then “brrrrrrump, brrrrrrrrump, Brrrrrump, BBRRRUMP!” and then catrunningrightacrossmyface “brrrrump, brrrrump, brrrrump…”
*sigh *
I think this happened three times before he got distracted and went to tweak elsewhere.
I told Chris this morning that I think he has a tiny little meth lab under the spare-room bed. He’s constantly climbing on things, knocking things over, jumping straight up into the air for no reason whatsoever or doing that weird, arched-back, sideways-hop Halloween cat/weasel thing, attacking Luna’s tail, fighting with everything in the house, whether it moves or not. His favorite toy currently (other than Luna) is a shoulder pad cut out of a silk shirt. He fights with it and carries it around in his mouth. The only problem is that it’s much bigger than his head and he carries it by the center seam of the shoulder pad. He can’t see around it, so he walks with this strange stagger, his head moving like someone with palsy on speed, trying to see around the pad. And he has two speeds: on and off. If he’s not harassing someone or something, or just running and jumping, then he’s either unconscious on a convenient blanket, chair or person, or completely invisible (as well as apparently deaf). Sometimes, he just disappears. My house is really tiny, and the first time he did this, we panicked. We looked EVERYWHERE. We called, we got flashlights, we scoured every inch of the house, and looked all over the yard – Luna couldn’t even find him. We even opened sardines and still no George. Two hours later, he wandered into the dining room like he’d never been gone. We think he’s built some sort of time capsule or space-bending machine – possibly next to the meth lab – and that he just goes interdimensional occasionally. Can you say “John Whorfin” folks?
I’m pretty sure he thinks of us as “Monkey-boy" and "-girl”
The little weasel is constantly under my feet – or my @$$. I have to look where I walk, where I sit, and I have to be extra careful when I turn over in bed for fear of crushing him. He tries to climb on me (or down my pantslegs) when I'm onna potty; when X wakes up in the morning and tries to skwooch me we always hear “MEOW!”, ‘cause George sleeps between us; and I can’t take my bath without the little beast walking out on me like I’m an island or a dock there for his convenience. He tries to climb in the refrigerator every time we open it, he is guaranteed to try to get through any door we open - especially if it leads to the magical, mystical outside; and goddess forbid you accidentally drop anything on the floor.
The freakiest thing of all is that we think it’s great. There is an energy in the house that wasn’t there before. We all have something to focus on other than ourselves. Chris can put aside his school and work worries for a little while, I can forget about feeling bad for a while, and Luna can forget about being lonely all the time. Sure, there’s a litterbox to clean again, and there are going to be new vet bills and concerns, but there’s more love in the house, and certainly more acceptable chaos (which Chris craves). Not to mention the sheer entertainment value.
Who knows, maybe he’s here to help me learn patience.
*sigh*
We shall see.
Wish us luck and
Much love,
-s
*George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, Chris Riddle
**Luna is the "Devil Dog of Watabungi"
***I also briefly had a brown puppy and a blonde puppy named ‘Rico’ and ‘Sonny’ – yes, I was a die-hard MV fan, so sue me.
**** - in more ways than one. He preferred the ‘intimate company of other boy kitties all of his days.
"John Whorfin" images courtesy of World Watch Online - What a great site, BB fans!
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Friday, December 10, 2004
Ugh, let me off this medicine-go-round….
...I’m DEFINITELY going to be sick.
About two months ago, my doc put me on a new psychoactive drug. I was having some fairly serious depression problems*, and the milder brain candy I’d been on previously, prescribed to help with sleep issues related to the FMS, wasn’t cutting through. This new drug worked a treat, as far as the whole ‘happy pill’ issue went. It alleviated the worst of the depression without numbing me down or making me feel distant from the issues that were making me sad in the first place. All good, right? Yeah – except for the fact that my constant friend Mr. Headache and his paramour Miss Physical Tension started getting even busier, I started waking up several times during the night, and had an upset stomach every day, all day. So, we changed meds and I have gone from bad to worse. Depression is returning, stomach is worse, I am sleeping very fitfully, if at all, and whether it’s the meds or the onset of winter, the pain has returned with a vengeance. My appetite is crap, and when I do get hungry, all I want is mashed potatoes. Thank Goddess** for KFC, y’all.
So this morning I woke up sick as a cat, facing a 12 hour day. Today is the day of Saluda’s “Hometown Christmas” stroll, when all the stores stay open late, put out lovely trays of treats and have musicians and storytellers to entertain visitors and (hopefully) shoppers. Normally this is a nice prospect, because even though it’s a long day – and I have a long day on Saturdays too – I still enjoy the strange informality of cookies and cider and musicians in the library, seeing my regular patrons tipsy and rosy, and of course having a chance to wander the street and nibble the goodies too. But I have to admit, I woke up this morning queasy, exhausted and just plain grumbly. Bleh.
I put on a red sweater and some leggings, some glitter (of course) and tied a sparkly red ribbon in my hair, hoping that even if I couldn’t feel festive, I could at least try to look it.
I made it through most of the day without dying or killing anybody, and Chris brought me some mashed potatoes. Mm. I even fell asleep on the hall floor for about five minutes during my late lunch. Around 2:30 though, I realized that I was not going to make it through the whole day without a small nap. I called and asked if I could leave, called a volunteer who was kind enough to come in, got X to take me home and get the Evil One out of the room and caught a glorious, even though it was a little fitful, 40 minute nap. That made all the difference. When I got back, the library was busy, our storyteller was here, the kids were out of school, and I had to start setting up the area for the entertainers and the food.
By the time everything got under way, with the children sitting on the floor giggling at Merrie’s EXCELLENT storytelling, Elaine and Rob’s nice and slightly lounge-y Christmas tunes setting the mood, the smell of hot cider wafting through, and people wandering in wearing their Christmassy garb, I’d begun to laugh and feel a little better too. When the library closed for business (meaning circ functions), Margaret and Scott left to check out the shops and music and food, and I stayed and kept an eye on the libob. Stewart came down and made his usual “flatter the pretty ladies” round, and by the time he made it back here, Margaret and Scott had come back to relieve me, and I hit the street.
I watched the kids singing on the Front Porch – some of them even stopped singing long enough to yell ‘HI!’, then wandered on down main street. I stopped in at the Police Station (they always have shrimp) and had another one of my “could my life be any MORE bizarre and serendipitous” coincidences which led to my good deed of the day***. I went into Heartwood to say hi to Juliana, and then mosied down to the Wildflour for the snacks I KNEW I could eat and some gossip and a nice toasty coffee beverage. Ahem.
Everyone was smiling and laughing, there were clusters of people standing around, laughing and balancing children and puppies. Music was everywhere, and good smells and twinkling lights… even people (left and !@#$ right!) telling me that I looked like a ‘little elf’ couldn’t phase me (I guess ‘cause they said “little” :) . People all stopped to speak to me, the children were wandering in their usual pack formation, and when I met up with them, the pack closed around me as if I were one of them…
It was nice.
And here I’d started out the day feeling horrible and dreading all of this. Margaret too came to work in a humbuggy humor, and by the time the evening got under way, she was laughing and sparkling too. I could put this all down to Christmas spirit, but I think it’s more than that – I think it’s community spirit. That’s something that Saluda has that seems to be truly lacking in a lot of places. I wish everyone could feel what it’s like to be such an intrinsic part of such an amazing place. Yes, it’s a small southern town – yes, there’s gossip and that sort of thing, but honestly, it’s surprisingly low-key. You all read my rant, you’d know if I had complaints about the whole “small town” thing. I don’t. This really is a special place, and – whether I like it or not – I really do fit in here. When I feel bad, people care. If something’s wrong, they try to fix it. People here pull together, pitch in, and stand up for each other. If I feel good or look good, people notice. And if I !@#$ up – they are surprisingly forgiving**** It’s also a town full of artists, musicians, environmentalists, LOTS of people living “alternative lifestyles”, and of course your average hillbilly type country folks, too (who really aren’t average in any way, but you know what I mean…) I think if something serious or bad were to happen to me, on a big scale, people would try to help, or stand up for me (they certainly have in the past). They've offered me places to stay in bad weather, or when my house was out of order; they've given me air purifiers and dehumidifiers for my house, to help with my allergies; they've sent me notes when I was down or having a hard time; they've shared their lives, food and money with me at times, and they trust me with their children.
I think my holiday wish for all of you is that someday you will know this good feeling. I share it with you in the only ways I can, by writing about it, and sharing the goodness that is shared with me, but I wish for you all to be at the heart of it someday, even if just for a little while. I think the feeling I’ve gotten from having a whole town as a “family” is something I will always carry with me, wherever I go.
Much love,
-Sam
*No surprise to you, faithful readers, eh?
**In this case, it’s definitely Goddess, ‘cause y’all KNOW it was a female spirit that was responsible for mashed potatoes – and gravy too, for that matter, not to mention Shiraz and Godiva. I’ll give God the credit for things like barbecued ribs, good cold beer and redwood trees. And if there’s a Devil, I’ll say he is responsible for panty hose, underwire bras, and video games.
***if you want to know, ask me and I’ll tell you, but I won’t say here ‘cause of ‘legal issues’. ****Boy, did I prove that one true right off the bat! Hoo-wee! When I first came here I was semi-inadvertently involved in a scandal of fairly epic proportion, and people just laughed it off, or made the best of it, or sympathized with me. It was truly incredible. At least I got that out of the way first thing, eh?
...I’m DEFINITELY going to be sick.
About two months ago, my doc put me on a new psychoactive drug. I was having some fairly serious depression problems*, and the milder brain candy I’d been on previously, prescribed to help with sleep issues related to the FMS, wasn’t cutting through. This new drug worked a treat, as far as the whole ‘happy pill’ issue went. It alleviated the worst of the depression without numbing me down or making me feel distant from the issues that were making me sad in the first place. All good, right? Yeah – except for the fact that my constant friend Mr. Headache and his paramour Miss Physical Tension started getting even busier, I started waking up several times during the night, and had an upset stomach every day, all day. So, we changed meds and I have gone from bad to worse. Depression is returning, stomach is worse, I am sleeping very fitfully, if at all, and whether it’s the meds or the onset of winter, the pain has returned with a vengeance. My appetite is crap, and when I do get hungry, all I want is mashed potatoes. Thank Goddess** for KFC, y’all.
So this morning I woke up sick as a cat, facing a 12 hour day. Today is the day of Saluda’s “Hometown Christmas” stroll, when all the stores stay open late, put out lovely trays of treats and have musicians and storytellers to entertain visitors and (hopefully) shoppers. Normally this is a nice prospect, because even though it’s a long day – and I have a long day on Saturdays too – I still enjoy the strange informality of cookies and cider and musicians in the library, seeing my regular patrons tipsy and rosy, and of course having a chance to wander the street and nibble the goodies too. But I have to admit, I woke up this morning queasy, exhausted and just plain grumbly. Bleh.
I put on a red sweater and some leggings, some glitter (of course) and tied a sparkly red ribbon in my hair, hoping that even if I couldn’t feel festive, I could at least try to look it.
I made it through most of the day without dying or killing anybody, and Chris brought me some mashed potatoes. Mm. I even fell asleep on the hall floor for about five minutes during my late lunch. Around 2:30 though, I realized that I was not going to make it through the whole day without a small nap. I called and asked if I could leave, called a volunteer who was kind enough to come in, got X to take me home and get the Evil One out of the room and caught a glorious, even though it was a little fitful, 40 minute nap. That made all the difference. When I got back, the library was busy, our storyteller was here, the kids were out of school, and I had to start setting up the area for the entertainers and the food.
By the time everything got under way, with the children sitting on the floor giggling at Merrie’s EXCELLENT storytelling, Elaine and Rob’s nice and slightly lounge-y Christmas tunes setting the mood, the smell of hot cider wafting through, and people wandering in wearing their Christmassy garb, I’d begun to laugh and feel a little better too. When the library closed for business (meaning circ functions), Margaret and Scott left to check out the shops and music and food, and I stayed and kept an eye on the libob. Stewart came down and made his usual “flatter the pretty ladies” round, and by the time he made it back here, Margaret and Scott had come back to relieve me, and I hit the street.
I watched the kids singing on the Front Porch – some of them even stopped singing long enough to yell ‘HI!’, then wandered on down main street. I stopped in at the Police Station (they always have shrimp) and had another one of my “could my life be any MORE bizarre and serendipitous” coincidences which led to my good deed of the day***. I went into Heartwood to say hi to Juliana, and then mosied down to the Wildflour for the snacks I KNEW I could eat and some gossip and a nice toasty coffee beverage. Ahem.
Everyone was smiling and laughing, there were clusters of people standing around, laughing and balancing children and puppies. Music was everywhere, and good smells and twinkling lights… even people (left and !@#$ right!) telling me that I looked like a ‘little elf’ couldn’t phase me (I guess ‘cause they said “little” :) . People all stopped to speak to me, the children were wandering in their usual pack formation, and when I met up with them, the pack closed around me as if I were one of them…
It was nice.
And here I’d started out the day feeling horrible and dreading all of this. Margaret too came to work in a humbuggy humor, and by the time the evening got under way, she was laughing and sparkling too. I could put this all down to Christmas spirit, but I think it’s more than that – I think it’s community spirit. That’s something that Saluda has that seems to be truly lacking in a lot of places. I wish everyone could feel what it’s like to be such an intrinsic part of such an amazing place. Yes, it’s a small southern town – yes, there’s gossip and that sort of thing, but honestly, it’s surprisingly low-key. You all read my rant, you’d know if I had complaints about the whole “small town” thing. I don’t. This really is a special place, and – whether I like it or not – I really do fit in here. When I feel bad, people care. If something’s wrong, they try to fix it. People here pull together, pitch in, and stand up for each other. If I feel good or look good, people notice. And if I !@#$ up – they are surprisingly forgiving**** It’s also a town full of artists, musicians, environmentalists, LOTS of people living “alternative lifestyles”, and of course your average hillbilly type country folks, too (who really aren’t average in any way, but you know what I mean…) I think if something serious or bad were to happen to me, on a big scale, people would try to help, or stand up for me (they certainly have in the past). They've offered me places to stay in bad weather, or when my house was out of order; they've given me air purifiers and dehumidifiers for my house, to help with my allergies; they've sent me notes when I was down or having a hard time; they've shared their lives, food and money with me at times, and they trust me with their children.
I think my holiday wish for all of you is that someday you will know this good feeling. I share it with you in the only ways I can, by writing about it, and sharing the goodness that is shared with me, but I wish for you all to be at the heart of it someday, even if just for a little while. I think the feeling I’ve gotten from having a whole town as a “family” is something I will always carry with me, wherever I go.
Much love,
-Sam
*No surprise to you, faithful readers, eh?
**In this case, it’s definitely Goddess, ‘cause y’all KNOW it was a female spirit that was responsible for mashed potatoes – and gravy too, for that matter, not to mention Shiraz and Godiva. I’ll give God the credit for things like barbecued ribs, good cold beer and redwood trees. And if there’s a Devil, I’ll say he is responsible for panty hose, underwire bras, and video games.
***if you want to know, ask me and I’ll tell you, but I won’t say here ‘cause of ‘legal issues’. ****Boy, did I prove that one true right off the bat! Hoo-wee! When I first came here I was semi-inadvertently involved in a scandal of fairly epic proportion, and people just laughed it off, or made the best of it, or sympathized with me. It was truly incredible. At least I got that out of the way first thing, eh?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
"So, this Nun walks into a bar with a pig under one arm and a watermelon under the other..."
Well, faithful readers - last night I fulfilled another one of my lifelong dreams…
...no, Vin Diesel didn't knock on my door, wearing a wife beater, wet from the heavy rain, needing to borrow my cellphone because his battery was dead, while I was fuming and crying over a terrible fight with Chris and drowning my sorrows in a glass of Shiraz and my 57th viewing of “Iron Giant”…
* sigh *
However, this dream was pretty good too. :)
Since I was about 6, when I used to sneak into the living room after I was supposed to have gone to bed and hide behind the couch while my parents were watching 'Saturday Night Live' and ‘Flying Circus'***, I have dreamed of doing comedy. My close friends (and hopefully my readers, too) well know how high in esteem I hold a good sense of humor. I’ve never liked “Three Stooges” or “Ace Ventura” type stuff either, always preferring a smarter, edgier, “!@#$ authority” kind of comedy – probably thanks to my genetic background, John Cleese’s legs, Michael Palin’s face, and that first season of SNL. I like comedy that cuts to the bone of the real world and shows the ridiculousness of so much (or even ALL) of human society.
I’ve always striven to be funny, and I am proud to say (and everyone I know can vouch for this) that I am never one of those people who thinks “ooh, I wish I’d thought of that snappy comeback” after the fact. I get the subtle jokes, and I top the dumb ones. I have my dad’s knack of knowing the punch lines of most jokes (he claimed he knew them all, but I caught him TWICE! Yeah!). I still get caught out, and a new joke delights me every time. I appreciate the nuances of timing and expression, and there are few things in the world that I love more than making people laugh – especially tough customers…
SO…
…last night I performed onstage with a live sketch comedy troupe! WHEEEEEeeeeeeEEEeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did some improv, some stage combat, fun costume changes, fast-paced scripted pieces, a big song-and-dance number with jazz-hands and disco sparkles, and a scene that I wrote myself, too. It was INCREDIBLE!
This is the same troupe that Chris and I have been going to see now since our first pre-dating date, the folks who did “The Manor Daze”. They called Chris last week and asked him if we were interested, which was really great because they’d asked him to be in the previous show and I had to admit, I was pretty envious. We had our first meeting/rehearsal on Sunday last (Dec. 5). We went over the two scripts that were already written, and discussed ideas for others. I told them my idea and they said it sounded great. They asked us to come back on Monday evening, script or outline (for improv) and ideas in hand. On Monday night we read through the scripts, I read my idea and it was well-received. We rehearsed the big song-and dance number, and when Liz and Jay showed up we went over their pieces too.
Tuesday we had a short rehearsal in the space – I was feeling pretty puny – which helped a lot with the blocking. I practiced my monologue in the car* and we talked about ideas. When we got home, we finished getting costume stuff together and went over our lines, and then we went to bed, late-ish and nervous-er.
The show was Wednesday – yesterday – at Fred’s Speakeasy in downtown Asheville. Yes, that means three and a half days to write, rehearse, costume and do the entire 9 act, 45 minute show. HOO-AH!
It’s a free show, donations only (and by the way, they broke their record for donations last night! Jessamine was stunned! YAY!!!) so I felt good about begging everybody to come.
X and I went to Wendy’s before the show and had one of my strangest dining experiences yet. The heavily tattooed counter man cracked jokes, a kitchen guy came up and announced over the cashier mic that the restaurant would be leaving for L.A. shortly and that it would be a no alcohol flight. Two little Russian girls were stalking me throughout the meal, peeking around the short wall, smiling sweetly, waving and then running away, and then the employees gave away dozens of free Frosties, so we took ours to Fred’s for Jay, Liz and Tony the Bartender who was sicj and really happy to see a Frostie.
By the time we got to Fred’s, we had about an hour to rehearse. We got final costume touches together – wigs, aprons, etc. I ran my monologue until I felt sure, then we went over “Grandpa’s Surprise” and talked about last minute stuff until showtime. I'd invited everybody that crossed my path (and hunted some people down), so the place was packed. I kept peeking out of the curtain to see who’d arrived (CHRIS’ PARENTS CAME! AUGH! – did I say that this was a VVVEEERRRYYY NAUGHTY SHOW?!?! I invited them and then Chris said “NO WAY!" But he forgot to un-invite them, and I “forgot” to remind him, so… oops! but also YAY, because they laughed their heads off, and it made me fell closer to all of them...) and lots of my folks came. There was Julie Crawshaw, a favorite library patron, Juli-o Dottery** and her VERY cute (red-headed) and seemingly very sweet boyfriend, Erik the Viking (who has a good handshake, btw), Jamie and Erin and Jimmy were there, and my library assistant and her beau – Margaret and Scott. Wendy and her friends came – and they said I was the best thing in the show – THANKS!!! :D
And let me tell you, guys – it really was AWESOME!!!
The opening number was Liz’s monologue. She was dressed VERY convincingly as a man, and did a great bit on how enormously huge, uh, a certain part of her anatomy is. Then I came on with “Cookin’ With Judy!”, a cooking show with tips on how to harvest and prepare free range hippies. I manages to get some good political jokes in there, too. We did a VERY nasty commercial break and came back with Dr. Xavier N!*, who killed a hippie (Chris) and cut out his heart (I made that too). We did 3 “Post Modern Criminal” skits, a very funny one called “Grandpa’s Surprise”, where Grandpa comes home for holiday dinner and announces that he’s gay. I got to play his doped up, stressed out daughter Deidre. We did a very funny improv skit in which I played a waitress with anger management issues (also in which I got the biggest laugh of the show, by the way!!! Wheeheeee!!!), the boys did a hilarious sketch about a double date in prison, and we finished up the show with a funny, flashy, elaborately choreographed disco number called “Friendly Acquaintance”, about those people you sort of know, and then you run into them and you have to try to make small talk – augh! Tommy (sort of the ‘dad’ of the Heavy Duty Crew crew) is a great musician and songwriter, so the piece frankly kicked @$$! It was truly a show stopper. The audience laughed, we laughed – it was, overall, one of the best experiences of my life.
I’d definitely put it up there with driving the Mini-Excavator…
By the way, HDC said that Chris and I were definitely invited back, and before the night was over, the guys had already started talking about future skits with my “Judy” character (!!!) and I can’t think of a higher compliment in this arena.
I will be back – I’m hooked.
Those of you who came, thank you so much. You made my night! And those of you who didn’t – thank you for trying. I’m really sorry you missed it, but only because you missed some really good original comedy and some SERIOUS laughs. There will be other shows, and I promise I’ll do my scene for you if you ask. :) Also, just to rest your minds – if they are ‘unrested’, that is - enough of “my people” came to make me feel like my first show was, well, MY FIRST SHOW!!!**** : ) I’ll definitely let y’all know about future shows, too!
Peace and buckets o'belly laughs*****,
-Sambolina “Judy Wackenheimer” Lovelace (“Luh’vuh’lah’chee”)!
*and in the closet and in the bathroom and at my desk and in the stacks and…
**that’s not really her name, it’s an injoke. Sorry Ju.
***”Night Stalker’ too – what a good show!
****Don’t worry, Stewart didn’t come either. :)*****Jamsx, I REALLY wish you’d been there. You’d have been proud! XO!
Well, faithful readers - last night I fulfilled another one of my lifelong dreams…
...no, Vin Diesel didn't knock on my door, wearing a wife beater, wet from the heavy rain, needing to borrow my cellphone because his battery was dead, while I was fuming and crying over a terrible fight with Chris and drowning my sorrows in a glass of Shiraz and my 57th viewing of “Iron Giant”…
* sigh *
However, this dream was pretty good too. :)
Since I was about 6, when I used to sneak into the living room after I was supposed to have gone to bed and hide behind the couch while my parents were watching 'Saturday Night Live' and ‘Flying Circus'***, I have dreamed of doing comedy. My close friends (and hopefully my readers, too) well know how high in esteem I hold a good sense of humor. I’ve never liked “Three Stooges” or “Ace Ventura” type stuff either, always preferring a smarter, edgier, “!@#$ authority” kind of comedy – probably thanks to my genetic background, John Cleese’s legs, Michael Palin’s face, and that first season of SNL. I like comedy that cuts to the bone of the real world and shows the ridiculousness of so much (or even ALL) of human society.
I’ve always striven to be funny, and I am proud to say (and everyone I know can vouch for this) that I am never one of those people who thinks “ooh, I wish I’d thought of that snappy comeback” after the fact. I get the subtle jokes, and I top the dumb ones. I have my dad’s knack of knowing the punch lines of most jokes (he claimed he knew them all, but I caught him TWICE! Yeah!). I still get caught out, and a new joke delights me every time. I appreciate the nuances of timing and expression, and there are few things in the world that I love more than making people laugh – especially tough customers…
SO…
…last night I performed onstage with a live sketch comedy troupe! WHEEEEEeeeeeeEEEeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did some improv, some stage combat, fun costume changes, fast-paced scripted pieces, a big song-and-dance number with jazz-hands and disco sparkles, and a scene that I wrote myself, too. It was INCREDIBLE!
This is the same troupe that Chris and I have been going to see now since our first pre-dating date, the folks who did “The Manor Daze”. They called Chris last week and asked him if we were interested, which was really great because they’d asked him to be in the previous show and I had to admit, I was pretty envious. We had our first meeting/rehearsal on Sunday last (Dec. 5). We went over the two scripts that were already written, and discussed ideas for others. I told them my idea and they said it sounded great. They asked us to come back on Monday evening, script or outline (for improv) and ideas in hand. On Monday night we read through the scripts, I read my idea and it was well-received. We rehearsed the big song-and dance number, and when Liz and Jay showed up we went over their pieces too.
Tuesday we had a short rehearsal in the space – I was feeling pretty puny – which helped a lot with the blocking. I practiced my monologue in the car* and we talked about ideas. When we got home, we finished getting costume stuff together and went over our lines, and then we went to bed, late-ish and nervous-er.
The show was Wednesday – yesterday – at Fred’s Speakeasy in downtown Asheville. Yes, that means three and a half days to write, rehearse, costume and do the entire 9 act, 45 minute show. HOO-AH!
It’s a free show, donations only (and by the way, they broke their record for donations last night! Jessamine was stunned! YAY!!!) so I felt good about begging everybody to come.
X and I went to Wendy’s before the show and had one of my strangest dining experiences yet. The heavily tattooed counter man cracked jokes, a kitchen guy came up and announced over the cashier mic that the restaurant would be leaving for L.A. shortly and that it would be a no alcohol flight. Two little Russian girls were stalking me throughout the meal, peeking around the short wall, smiling sweetly, waving and then running away, and then the employees gave away dozens of free Frosties, so we took ours to Fred’s for Jay, Liz and Tony the Bartender who was sicj and really happy to see a Frostie.
By the time we got to Fred’s, we had about an hour to rehearse. We got final costume touches together – wigs, aprons, etc. I ran my monologue until I felt sure, then we went over “Grandpa’s Surprise” and talked about last minute stuff until showtime. I'd invited everybody that crossed my path (and hunted some people down), so the place was packed. I kept peeking out of the curtain to see who’d arrived (CHRIS’ PARENTS CAME! AUGH! – did I say that this was a VVVEEERRRYYY NAUGHTY SHOW?!?! I invited them and then Chris said “NO WAY!" But he forgot to un-invite them, and I “forgot” to remind him, so… oops! but also YAY, because they laughed their heads off, and it made me fell closer to all of them...) and lots of my folks came. There was Julie Crawshaw, a favorite library patron, Juli-o Dottery** and her VERY cute (red-headed) and seemingly very sweet boyfriend, Erik the Viking (who has a good handshake, btw), Jamie and Erin and Jimmy were there, and my library assistant and her beau – Margaret and Scott. Wendy and her friends came – and they said I was the best thing in the show – THANKS!!! :D
And let me tell you, guys – it really was AWESOME!!!
The opening number was Liz’s monologue. She was dressed VERY convincingly as a man, and did a great bit on how enormously huge, uh, a certain part of her anatomy is. Then I came on with “Cookin’ With Judy!”, a cooking show with tips on how to harvest and prepare free range hippies. I manages to get some good political jokes in there, too. We did a VERY nasty commercial break and came back with Dr. Xavier N!*, who killed a hippie (Chris) and cut out his heart (I made that too). We did 3 “Post Modern Criminal” skits, a very funny one called “Grandpa’s Surprise”, where Grandpa comes home for holiday dinner and announces that he’s gay. I got to play his doped up, stressed out daughter Deidre. We did a very funny improv skit in which I played a waitress with anger management issues (also in which I got the biggest laugh of the show, by the way!!! Wheeheeee!!!), the boys did a hilarious sketch about a double date in prison, and we finished up the show with a funny, flashy, elaborately choreographed disco number called “Friendly Acquaintance”, about those people you sort of know, and then you run into them and you have to try to make small talk – augh! Tommy (sort of the ‘dad’ of the Heavy Duty Crew crew) is a great musician and songwriter, so the piece frankly kicked @$$! It was truly a show stopper. The audience laughed, we laughed – it was, overall, one of the best experiences of my life.
I’d definitely put it up there with driving the Mini-Excavator…
By the way, HDC said that Chris and I were definitely invited back, and before the night was over, the guys had already started talking about future skits with my “Judy” character (!!!) and I can’t think of a higher compliment in this arena.
I will be back – I’m hooked.
Those of you who came, thank you so much. You made my night! And those of you who didn’t – thank you for trying. I’m really sorry you missed it, but only because you missed some really good original comedy and some SERIOUS laughs. There will be other shows, and I promise I’ll do my scene for you if you ask. :) Also, just to rest your minds – if they are ‘unrested’, that is - enough of “my people” came to make me feel like my first show was, well, MY FIRST SHOW!!!**** : ) I’ll definitely let y’all know about future shows, too!
Peace and buckets o'belly laughs*****,
-Sambolina “Judy Wackenheimer” Lovelace (“Luh’vuh’lah’chee”)!
*and in the closet and in the bathroom and at my desk and in the stacks and…
**that’s not really her name, it’s an injoke. Sorry Ju.
***”Night Stalker’ too – what a good show!
****Don’t worry, Stewart didn’t come either. :)*****Jamsx, I REALLY wish you’d been there. You’d have been proud! XO!
