Ugh, let me off this medicine-go-round….
...I’m DEFINITELY going to be sick.

About two months ago, my doc put me on a new psychoactive drug. I was having some fairly serious depression problems*, and the milder brain candy I’d been on previously, prescribed to help with sleep issues related to the FMS, wasn’t cutting through. This new drug worked a treat, as far as the whole ‘happy pill’ issue went. It alleviated the worst of the depression without numbing me down or making me feel distant from the issues that were making me sad in the first place. All good, right? Yeah – except for the fact that my constant friend Mr. Headache and his paramour Miss Physical Tension started getting even busier, I started waking up several times during the night, and had an upset stomach every day, all day. So, we changed meds and I have gone from bad to worse. Depression is returning, stomach is worse, I am sleeping very fitfully, if at all, and whether it’s the meds or the onset of winter, the pain has returned with a vengeance. My appetite is crap, and when I do get hungry, all I want is mashed potatoes. Thank Goddess** for KFC, y’all.

So this morning I woke up sick as a cat, facing a 12 hour day. Today is the day of Saluda’s “Hometown Christmas” stroll, when all the stores stay open late, put out lovely trays of treats and have musicians and storytellers to entertain visitors and (hopefully) shoppers. Normally this is a nice prospect, because even though it’s a long day – and I have a long day on Saturdays too – I still enjoy the strange informality of cookies and cider and musicians in the library, seeing my regular patrons tipsy and rosy, and of course having a chance to wander the street and nibble the goodies too. But I have to admit, I woke up this morning queasy, exhausted and just plain grumbly. Bleh.
I put on a red sweater and some leggings, some glitter (of course) and tied a sparkly red ribbon in my hair, hoping that even if I couldn’t feel festive, I could at least try to look it.
I made it through most of the day without dying or killing anybody, and Chris brought me some mashed potatoes. Mm. I even fell asleep on the hall floor for about five minutes during my late lunch. Around 2:30 though, I realized that I was not going to make it through the whole day without a small nap. I called and asked if I could leave, called a volunteer who was kind enough to come in, got X to take me home and get the Evil One out of the room and caught a glorious, even though it was a little fitful, 40 minute nap. That made all the difference. When I got back, the library was busy, our storyteller was here, the kids were out of school, and I had to start setting up the area for the entertainers and the food.
By the time everything got under way, with the children sitting on the floor giggling at Merrie’s EXCELLENT storytelling, Elaine and Rob’s nice and slightly lounge-y Christmas tunes setting the mood, the smell of hot cider wafting through, and people wandering in wearing their Christmassy garb, I’d begun to laugh and feel a little better too. When the library closed for business (meaning circ functions), Margaret and Scott left to check out the shops and music and food, and I stayed and kept an eye on the libob. Stewart came down and made his usual “flatter the pretty ladies” round, and by the time he made it back here, Margaret and Scott had come back to relieve me, and I hit the street.
I watched the kids singing on the Front Porch – some of them even stopped singing long enough to yell ‘HI!’, then wandered on down main street. I stopped in at the Police Station (they always have shrimp) and had another one of my “could my life be any MORE bizarre and serendipitous” coincidences which led to my good deed of the day***. I went into Heartwood to say hi to Juliana, and then mosied down to the Wildflour for the snacks I KNEW I could eat and some gossip and a nice toasty coffee beverage. Ahem.
Everyone was smiling and laughing, there were clusters of people standing around, laughing and balancing children and puppies. Music was everywhere, and good smells and twinkling lights… even people (left and !@#$ right!) telling me that I looked like a ‘little elf’ couldn’t phase me (I guess ‘cause they said “little” :) . People all stopped to speak to me, the children were wandering in their usual pack formation, and when I met up with them, the pack closed around me as if I were one of them…
It was nice.

And here I’d started out the day feeling horrible and dreading all of this. Margaret too came to work in a humbuggy humor, and by the time the evening got under way, she was laughing and sparkling too. I could put this all down to Christmas spirit, but I think it’s more than that – I think it’s community spirit. That’s something that Saluda has that seems to be truly lacking in a lot of places. I wish everyone could feel what it’s like to be such an intrinsic part of such an amazing place. Yes, it’s a small southern town – yes, there’s gossip and that sort of thing, but honestly, it’s surprisingly low-key. You all read my rant, you’d know if I had complaints about the whole “small town” thing. I don’t. This really is a special place, and – whether I like it or not – I really do fit in here. When I feel bad, people care. If something’s wrong, they try to fix it. People here pull together, pitch in, and stand up for each other. If I feel good or look good, people notice. And if I !@#$ up – they are surprisingly forgiving**** It’s also a town full of artists, musicians, environmentalists, LOTS of people living “alternative lifestyles”, and of course your average hillbilly type country folks, too (who really aren’t average in any way, but you know what I mean…) I think if something serious or bad were to happen to me, on a big scale, people would try to help, or stand up for me (they certainly have in the past). They've offered me places to stay in bad weather, or when my house was out of order; they've given me air purifiers and dehumidifiers for my house, to help with my allergies; they've sent me notes when I was down or having a hard time; they've shared their lives, food and money with me at times, and they trust me with their children.
I think my holiday wish for all of you is that someday you will know this good feeling. I share it with you in the only ways I can, by writing about it, and sharing the goodness that is shared with me, but I wish for you all to be at the heart of it someday, even if just for a little while. I think the feeling I’ve gotten from having a whole town as a “family” is something I will always carry with me, wherever I go.

Much love,
-Sam

*No surprise to you, faithful readers, eh?
**In this case, it’s definitely Goddess, ‘cause y’all KNOW it was a female spirit that was responsible for mashed potatoes – and gravy too, for that matter, not to mention Shiraz and Godiva. I’ll give God the credit for things like barbecued ribs, good cold beer and redwood trees. And if there’s a Devil, I’ll say he is responsible for panty hose, underwire bras, and video games.
***if you want to know, ask me and I’ll tell you, but I won’t say here ‘cause of ‘legal issues’. ****Boy, did I prove that one true right off the bat! Hoo-wee! When I first came here I was semi-inadvertently involved in a scandal of fairly epic proportion, and people just laughed it off, or made the best of it, or sympathized with me. It was truly incredible. At least I got that out of the way first thing, eh?