"So, this Nun walks into a bar with a pig under one arm and a watermelon under the other..."

Well, faithful readers - last night I fulfilled another one of my lifelong dreams…
...no, Vin Diesel didn't knock on my door, wearing a wife beater, wet from the heavy rain, needing to borrow my cellphone because his battery was dead, while I was fuming and crying over a terrible fight with Chris and drowning my sorrows in a glass of Shiraz and my 57th viewing of “Iron Giant”…
* sigh *

However, this dream was pretty good too. :)
Since I was about 6, when I used to sneak into the living room after I was supposed to have gone to bed and hide behind the couch while my parents were watching 'Saturday Night Live' and ‘Flying Circus'***, I have dreamed of doing comedy. My close friends (and hopefully my readers, too) well know how high in esteem I hold a good sense of humor. I’ve never liked “Three Stooges” or “Ace Ventura” type stuff either, always preferring a smarter, edgier, “!@#$ authority” kind of comedy – probably thanks to my genetic background, John Cleese’s legs, Michael Palin’s face, and that first season of SNL. I like comedy that cuts to the bone of the real world and shows the ridiculousness of so much (or even ALL) of human society.
I’ve always striven to be funny, and I am proud to say (and everyone I know can vouch for this) that I am never one of those people who thinks “ooh, I wish I’d thought of that snappy comeback” after the fact. I get the subtle jokes, and I top the dumb ones. I have my dad’s knack of knowing the punch lines of most jokes (he claimed he knew them all, but I caught him TWICE! Yeah!). I still get caught out, and a new joke delights me every time. I appreciate the nuances of timing and expression, and there are few things in the world that I love more than making people laugh – especially tough customers…
SO…
…last night I performed onstage with a live sketch comedy troupe! WHEEEEEeeeeeeEEEeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did some improv, some stage combat, fun costume changes, fast-paced scripted pieces, a big song-and-dance number with jazz-hands and disco sparkles, and a scene that I wrote myself, too. It was INCREDIBLE!
This is the same troupe that Chris and I have been going to see now since our first pre-dating date, the folks who did “The Manor Daze”. They called Chris last week and asked him if we were interested, which was really great because they’d asked him to be in the previous show and I had to admit, I was pretty envious. We had our first meeting/rehearsal on Sunday last (Dec. 5). We went over the two scripts that were already written, and discussed ideas for others. I told them my idea and they said it sounded great. They asked us to come back on Monday evening, script or outline (for improv) and ideas in hand. On Monday night we read through the scripts, I read my idea and it was well-received. We rehearsed the big song-and dance number, and when Liz and Jay showed up we went over their pieces too.
Tuesday we had a short rehearsal in the space – I was feeling pretty puny – which helped a lot with the blocking. I practiced my monologue in the car* and we talked about ideas. When we got home, we finished getting costume stuff together and went over our lines, and then we went to bed, late-ish and nervous-er.
The show was Wednesday – yesterday – at Fred’s Speakeasy in downtown Asheville. Yes, that means three and a half days to write, rehearse, costume and do the entire 9 act, 45 minute show. HOO-AH!
It’s a free show, donations only (and by the way, they broke their record for donations last night! Jessamine was stunned! YAY!!!) so I felt good about begging everybody to come.
X and I went to Wendy’s before the show and had one of my strangest dining experiences yet. The heavily tattooed counter man cracked jokes, a kitchen guy came up and announced over the cashier mic that the restaurant would be leaving for L.A. shortly and that it would be a no alcohol flight. Two little Russian girls were stalking me throughout the meal, peeking around the short wall, smiling sweetly, waving and then running away, and then the employees gave away dozens of free Frosties, so we took ours to Fred’s for Jay, Liz and Tony the Bartender who was sicj and really happy to see a Frostie.
By the time we got to Fred’s, we had about an hour to rehearse. We got final costume touches together – wigs, aprons, etc. I ran my monologue until I felt sure, then we went over “Grandpa’s Surprise” and talked about last minute stuff until showtime. I'd invited everybody that crossed my path (and hunted some people down), so the place was packed. I kept peeking out of the curtain to see who’d arrived (CHRIS’ PARENTS CAME! AUGH! – did I say that this was a VVVEEERRRYYY NAUGHTY SHOW?!?! I invited them and then Chris said “NO WAY!" But he forgot to un-invite them, and I “forgot” to remind him, so… oops! but also YAY, because they laughed their heads off, and it made me fell closer to all of them...) and lots of my folks came. There was Julie Crawshaw, a favorite library patron, Juli-o Dottery** and her VERY cute (red-headed) and seemingly very sweet boyfriend, Erik the Viking (who has a good handshake, btw), Jamie and Erin and Jimmy were there, and my library assistant and her beau – Margaret and Scott. Wendy and her friends came – and they said I was the best thing in the show – THANKS!!! :D
And let me tell you, guys – it really was AWESOME!!!
The opening number was Liz’s monologue. She was dressed VERY convincingly as a man, and did a great bit on how enormously huge, uh, a certain part of her anatomy is. Then I came on with “Cookin’ With Judy!”, a cooking show with tips on how to harvest and prepare free range hippies. I manages to get some good political jokes in there, too. We did a VERY nasty commercial break and came back with Dr. Xavier N!*, who killed a hippie (Chris) and cut out his heart (I made that too). We did 3 “Post Modern Criminal” skits, a very funny one called “Grandpa’s Surprise”, where Grandpa comes home for holiday dinner and announces that he’s gay. I got to play his doped up, stressed out daughter Deidre. We did a very funny improv skit in which I played a waitress with anger management issues (also in which I got the biggest laugh of the show, by the way!!! Wheeheeee!!!), the boys did a hilarious sketch about a double date in prison, and we finished up the show with a funny, flashy, elaborately choreographed disco number called “Friendly Acquaintance”, about those people you sort of know, and then you run into them and you have to try to make small talk – augh! Tommy (sort of the ‘dad’ of the Heavy Duty Crew crew) is a great musician and songwriter, so the piece frankly kicked @$$! It was truly a show stopper. The audience laughed, we laughed – it was, overall, one of the best experiences of my life.
I’d definitely put it up there with driving the Mini-Excavator…

By the way, HDC said that Chris and I were definitely invited back, and before the night was over, the guys had already started talking about future skits with my “Judy” character (!!!) and I can’t think of a higher compliment in this arena.
I will be back – I’m hooked.

Those of you who came, thank you so much. You made my night! And those of you who didn’t – thank you for trying. I’m really sorry you missed it, but only because you missed some really good original comedy and some SERIOUS laughs. There will be other shows, and I promise I’ll do my scene for you if you ask. :) Also, just to rest your minds – if they are ‘unrested’, that is - enough of “my people” came to make me feel like my first show was, well, MY FIRST SHOW!!!**** : ) I’ll definitely let y’all know about future shows, too!

Peace and buckets o'belly laughs*****,
-Sambolina “Judy Wackenheimer” Lovelace (“Luh’vuh’lah’chee”)!


*and in the closet and in the bathroom and at my desk and in the stacks and…
**that’s not really her name, it’s an injoke. Sorry Ju.
***”Night Stalker’ too – what a good show!
****Don’t worry, Stewart didn’t come either. :)*****Jamsx, I REALLY wish you’d been there. You’d have been proud! XO!