i'm sorry i've been so slack, lately y'all. i promise it isn't intentional. not only have i been psycho-busy (sallie's wedding, getting geared up to host state library workshop, getting ready for little trip, working extra, worrying about health and trying to squeeze in some semblance of a social-life*) but i've been pre-occupied with thinking really hard about life.
don't worry, i won't subject you to all of those observations right now... but i will warn you that i am taking notes.
sallie's wedding was SO wonderful. it was a golden day, and sallie and bryon made so many people happy by throwing this great bash and allowing us to help celebrate such a happy event.
i got invited to the rehearsal dinner on friday night, mm, bigfatnice steak dinner (at a restaurant where i used to work, nonetheless) and we all had a ball. THANK YOU FOR THE DINNER, PHILLIPS' AND FAMILIES OF!
then on sat. a.m. i got up and got my act together, went and collected TONS of wildflowers and flowers from helen's garden and greens. i got to the camp (camp pinnacle, near carl sandberg's home) where the wedding and reception were to be held at about 1:00. there were already people there setting up, and lots of people brought lots of flowers, so we had plenty of beautiful stuff to work with.
sallie's crew was SO tight, we got the old gym decorated to the hilt with wildflowers, tulle, xmas lights, and LOTS of love, and we had fun doing it. we finished just in time for me to get dressed and get ready to help the ladies get dressed. i got to powder sallie and all the maids with shimmer dust and then do sallie's make-up and put the flowers in her hair. we were done precisely on time, and i got my seat - between the handsome and gentlemanly X? and my own gorgeous girl, ms. luna.**
the wedding was unbelievably simple, sweet and lovely. my favorite thing was all the dogs running around sallie and bryon while the sun glinted off of the lake and made all of our eyes water... yeah, right. UBER-moo!
the reception was wonderful, too. good food, and again, the dog pack circling the tables and making the most of their good time. lester, the photographer's plot-hound, howled when the dj played bluegrass, people danced and conga'd and felt very very happy and alive. i know, i was there.
after the reception, the bonfire, and the SERIOUS partay began. we all crossed the rope-bridge over the cold lake in the middle of the night, drank much red-wine and then wound our way to cold cabins and warm arms.
it was so wonderful, thank you again, phillips'. you are a blessing, and you are blessed.
now, i am off to join lisa and pack for OUR TRIP TO NEW ORLEANS TOMORROW!!!
!@#$-A!!! oh god, i really hope teddy doesn't read this and spoil the surprise...
:) oh well, if he does, then he'll be ready and waiting - TAKE YOUR HAIR DOWN, TEDDY!
I'M BRINGIN' MY THONG!!!***
and if i DID spoil the surprise, DON'T TELL JENNIFER!
wish us luck. hell, wish NEW ORLEANS luck! ah, there's only so much damage we can do in one day.
back on wednesday, with stories to tell (and back to the !@#$ doctor on thursday).
much love,
sambolina, queena the geeks
*ie: trying to get buffy to feed me and chasing/running from boys.
**YES, NOT ONLY WAS I WELCOME AT THIS WEDDING (AND rehearsal dinner) BUT SO WAS MY DOG. hmph.
***don't ask. it's a long-running joke... at least, i THINK it's a joke... hm...
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
"When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares are still walking.
When we hold each other, we feel -- not safe, but better. "It's all right," we whisper. "I'm here. I love you." And we lie, "I'll never leave you."
For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad. When we hold each other."
from "Hold Me", a short story by Neil Gaiman.
this quote swam up from the text of a comic collection (Midnight Days) last night and shook me hard. One of my library kids - and friend 12-year-old Abe Thomas also sent me a poem - the day that i was to get the results of my MRI - last week, and i thought that the echo was more than a coincidence. abe said i could share his poem here.
he wrote:
"this is a short one that i thought up in like 4 seconds but any way it's not about any one just for fun:
'i need some one to hold someone who wants to be held to somebody like you as long as this is true i will always thy who wants to be held too'
it's okay i think it's not one of my best but who care's don't worry be happy
FROM. HONEST ABE"
we all want to be held when it's dark and things are scary, whether we can admit it or not. we all want someone to hold. puppies, babies, old folks, and even us big tough orc kings and queens. i've saved all my concerned and loving phone messages and e-mails. it's definitely the next-best thing.
i love you all. i wish i had a thousand sam-sweatshirts so i could cut off the sleeves and mail them to you in a package with instructions on how to put the sleeves on your arms and then wrap them around yourself and squeeze, so you could have a hug from me, like someone most dear did for me many many moons ago when i really needed to be held...
as my heatherita says:
"Muchas Skwooches"!
ooxooxooxooxooxoox (extra hugs)
-sambolina-wise
p.s. expect Tales from Sallie and Bryon's Wedding soon!
When we hold each other, we feel -- not safe, but better. "It's all right," we whisper. "I'm here. I love you." And we lie, "I'll never leave you."
For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad. When we hold each other."
from "Hold Me", a short story by Neil Gaiman.
this quote swam up from the text of a comic collection (Midnight Days) last night and shook me hard. One of my library kids - and friend 12-year-old Abe Thomas also sent me a poem - the day that i was to get the results of my MRI - last week, and i thought that the echo was more than a coincidence. abe said i could share his poem here.
he wrote:
"this is a short one that i thought up in like 4 seconds but any way it's not about any one just for fun:
'i need some one to hold someone who wants to be held to somebody like you as long as this is true i will always thy who wants to be held too'
it's okay i think it's not one of my best but who care's don't worry be happy
FROM. HONEST ABE"
we all want to be held when it's dark and things are scary, whether we can admit it or not. we all want someone to hold. puppies, babies, old folks, and even us big tough orc kings and queens. i've saved all my concerned and loving phone messages and e-mails. it's definitely the next-best thing.
i love you all. i wish i had a thousand sam-sweatshirts so i could cut off the sleeves and mail them to you in a package with instructions on how to put the sleeves on your arms and then wrap them around yourself and squeeze, so you could have a hug from me, like someone most dear did for me many many moons ago when i really needed to be held...
as my heatherita says:
"Muchas Skwooches"!
ooxooxooxooxooxoox (extra hugs)
-sambolina-wise
p.s. expect Tales from Sallie and Bryon's Wedding soon!
Friday, October 03, 2003
hello, lovely peeps!
our library is trying to build a new main branch, and they are fundraising like crazy. in order to help out, i did a painting and donated it for a raffle. i am selling tickets and i have made a vow to sell at LEAST 100.
to see this lurvely (I think) piece, go to my amusesam yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/ (if you haven't joined yet, enter "amusesam" - without quotes - in the "JOIN" box, and then do whatever it says - an no one gets hurt... :) look at the photo called "Storytime" - click on "full size" to see the details (there are 9 hidden creatures! see if you can spot them all!)
the tickets are 1$ each, or 6 for 5$, and i would LOVE it if one of my friends won this...
i will bring tickets to the next geek out, and leave some with buffy, or call, write, and i will make sure you get tickets!
xoxoxoxo
-sam
our library is trying to build a new main branch, and they are fundraising like crazy. in order to help out, i did a painting and donated it for a raffle. i am selling tickets and i have made a vow to sell at LEAST 100.
to see this lurvely (I think) piece, go to my amusesam yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/ (if you haven't joined yet, enter "amusesam" - without quotes - in the "JOIN" box, and then do whatever it says - an no one gets hurt... :) look at the photo called "Storytime" - click on "full size" to see the details (there are 9 hidden creatures! see if you can spot them all!)
the tickets are 1$ each, or 6 for 5$, and i would LOVE it if one of my friends won this...
i will bring tickets to the next geek out, and leave some with buffy, or call, write, and i will make sure you get tickets!
xoxoxoxo
-sam
Thursday, October 02, 2003
i will spare y'all the horror of the ultrasound experience. i will also give y'all a moosh-break. but i feel compelled to give y'all something worth a damned...
so here are some things that means a lot to me:
God's Grandeur
The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.
-Gerard Manley Hopkins
-and, for balance:
the lesson of the moth
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
-Don Marquis
much love,
-sam
so here are some things that means a lot to me:
God's Grandeur
The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.
-Gerard Manley Hopkins
-and, for balance:
the lesson of the moth
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
-Don Marquis
much love,
-sam
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Well, despite all behavioral evidence to the contrary, my MRI came back perfectly normal. Actually, it showed that I have sinusitis. Someone told me that this is like, a 2,000$ test. I have no idea how much of it my insurance will pay. To tell me that I have sinusitis.
At least it’s not a brain tumor.*
My blood tests also came back normal – with the exception of an elevated white blood cell count, which could be easily related to the sinusitis.
Meanwhile, I am getting weaker every day. Mornings are ok. But by afternoon, I’m shot. And it always seems to get worse after I eat.
So, Dr. Jeff took more blood this morning, testing for some sort of adrenal issues. Blahblahblah. Someone very “kindly” pointed out this morning “he probably just needs a new boat.” Thanks people. This is helping.
NOT.
Everyone else IS helping though. The calls, the e’s… (Dean, man, you are too precious. Mike. Moo.)** the Buffy-Breakfast-Love. You all know that it’s hard for me to be ‘baby’. I’m not good at it, and the connotations are too much for my delicate (but apparently very normal. Ha!) brain to handle. You have all managed to be sweet and thoughtful and sentimental and kind and concerned and just make me feel loved and appreciated and worried about. This means the world to me. I hope y’all all won’t too disappointed & feel like y’all have wasted all this concern and kindness if I turn out to be ok.***
So tomorrow a.m. I have an ultrasound. I am supposed to drink SIXTY-FOUR OUNCES (isn’t that a !@#$ gallon?!) of water at 7 am and hold it until after this is done. (it allegedly BEGINS @ 8:30) HAHAHAHAHA! These people are INSANE! I am going to try, nonetheless, but I tell you, it sounds like an accident waiting to happen…Hurhurhur.
Sorry.
So that’s where I am on that particular map.
On the map of my head – well, the Orc Queen issues are eating me up… but I am not turning my back on them. I am pondering and puzzling it through, like a good little OCD patient. : )
And as for the map of my heart, I am torn between a kind of loneliness and fear that I didn’t even imagine was possible for me, and between amazement at the love and gentle concern my friends are so effusively heaping onto me. It seems impossible that both conditions could exist together, but c’est moi – or perhaps, c’est la vie.
And speaking of friends and effusive love… Today, October 1st, is my favorite day of the year. I usually take the day off from work and do something amazing for myself (I’ve gone on trips to flea-markets, rented rooms for the pool and luxury of it, gone to foreign places – like South Carolina – with Lu, taken long hikes inna woods, I saw my first live Opera by chance on one of my 10/01 adventures once, Madame Butterfly, too…) This year, in all the hubbub, it slipped my mind to take the day off. So I sat at work. I did have a nice lunch cup of coffee (appetite has gone out the window, but I’m still gaining weight. !@#$ lovely…) with a beautiful sweet boy and his even more beautiful sweet dog. I made him laugh. That was nice. And the day’s still not over… Maybe I will go home and take Luna out somewhere nice. : ) But no matter what I do today, I realize that Goddess has given me a permanent October 1st prezzie. Today is the birthday of one of the most beautiful, wonderful people I have ever had the good fortune to con into liking me. I’ve mentioned her and her many good deeds here time and again, but my words and even this photo of her on a Harley (there’s a Harley?) just can’t do justice to this amazing lady.
Buffy, happy birthday! I am so proud to be your friend and a member of your family. Thank you for all that you do, and for just being you. Much love, respect, and admiration. I hope we have years of back-door giggles ahead of us. I’ve been celebrating your birthday all of my life – I just didn’t know why until I met you! :D
And to all of my friends, even the ones I haven’t met yet, I wish you good things on this day. Fall is here, winter is coming, Carpe Diem!
Oh, and before I forget – happy birthday to Selma, too! Hers is today, and her sister Ayla’s is on my second favorite day of the year – May 1st!
Much love – and lots of cups of tea,
-Samwise
*or an HOMUNCULUS!!!!
**My MOTHER even wrote. And her note didn’t send me into terrified hyperventilation or make me want to put my fist through the wall – or even delete it from the page.
hm. i wonder if i should tell the doc about that, too?
***this is at least partially a joke.
At least it’s not a brain tumor.*
My blood tests also came back normal – with the exception of an elevated white blood cell count, which could be easily related to the sinusitis.
Meanwhile, I am getting weaker every day. Mornings are ok. But by afternoon, I’m shot. And it always seems to get worse after I eat.
So, Dr. Jeff took more blood this morning, testing for some sort of adrenal issues. Blahblahblah. Someone very “kindly” pointed out this morning “he probably just needs a new boat.” Thanks people. This is helping.
NOT.
Everyone else IS helping though. The calls, the e’s… (Dean, man, you are too precious. Mike. Moo.)** the Buffy-Breakfast-Love. You all know that it’s hard for me to be ‘baby’. I’m not good at it, and the connotations are too much for my delicate (but apparently very normal. Ha!) brain to handle. You have all managed to be sweet and thoughtful and sentimental and kind and concerned and just make me feel loved and appreciated and worried about. This means the world to me. I hope y’all all won’t too disappointed & feel like y’all have wasted all this concern and kindness if I turn out to be ok.***
So tomorrow a.m. I have an ultrasound. I am supposed to drink SIXTY-FOUR OUNCES (isn’t that a !@#$ gallon?!) of water at 7 am and hold it until after this is done. (it allegedly BEGINS @ 8:30) HAHAHAHAHA! These people are INSANE! I am going to try, nonetheless, but I tell you, it sounds like an accident waiting to happen…Hurhurhur.
Sorry.
So that’s where I am on that particular map.
On the map of my head – well, the Orc Queen issues are eating me up… but I am not turning my back on them. I am pondering and puzzling it through, like a good little OCD patient. : )
And as for the map of my heart, I am torn between a kind of loneliness and fear that I didn’t even imagine was possible for me, and between amazement at the love and gentle concern my friends are so effusively heaping onto me. It seems impossible that both conditions could exist together, but c’est moi – or perhaps, c’est la vie.
And speaking of friends and effusive love… Today, October 1st, is my favorite day of the year. I usually take the day off from work and do something amazing for myself (I’ve gone on trips to flea-markets, rented rooms for the pool and luxury of it, gone to foreign places – like South Carolina – with Lu, taken long hikes inna woods, I saw my first live Opera by chance on one of my 10/01 adventures once, Madame Butterfly, too…) This year, in all the hubbub, it slipped my mind to take the day off. So I sat at work. I did have a nice lunch cup of coffee (appetite has gone out the window, but I’m still gaining weight. !@#$ lovely…) with a beautiful sweet boy and his even more beautiful sweet dog. I made him laugh. That was nice. And the day’s still not over… Maybe I will go home and take Luna out somewhere nice. : ) But no matter what I do today, I realize that Goddess has given me a permanent October 1st prezzie. Today is the birthday of one of the most beautiful, wonderful people I have ever had the good fortune to con into liking me. I’ve mentioned her and her many good deeds here time and again, but my words and even this photo of her on a Harley (there’s a Harley?) just can’t do justice to this amazing lady.
Buffy, happy birthday! I am so proud to be your friend and a member of your family. Thank you for all that you do, and for just being you. Much love, respect, and admiration. I hope we have years of back-door giggles ahead of us. I’ve been celebrating your birthday all of my life – I just didn’t know why until I met you! :D
And to all of my friends, even the ones I haven’t met yet, I wish you good things on this day. Fall is here, winter is coming, Carpe Diem!
Oh, and before I forget – happy birthday to Selma, too! Hers is today, and her sister Ayla’s is on my second favorite day of the year – May 1st!
Much love – and lots of cups of tea,
-Samwise
*or an HOMUNCULUS!!!!
**My MOTHER even wrote. And her note didn’t send me into terrified hyperventilation or make me want to put my fist through the wall – or even delete it from the page.
hm. i wonder if i should tell the doc about that, too?
***this is at least partially a joke.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
well, howdy.
*sigh*
:)
life is actually pretty ok today. stewart just reminded me that i have one more day before i have to go to the doctor, and i am going to spend that day enjoying a day with buffy and returning a few of her own million kindnesses by helping her clean the house she just moved out of THAT IS FOR RENT. CHEAP! nice place too. e me if you're interested. :)
i also went to a lovely briday shower for Principessa Sallie. all her royal court and fam were in attendance. the food was good, the company pleasant, and the scenery insurpassable ladies, thank you.
tonight i am going to see 'once upon a time in mexico with stewart, so today will have been a day totally devoted to the appreciation of beauty.
to continue in this vein, i also offer you a newly updated day off for your viewing and philosophizing pleasure.
:)
man, i am such a cheeseball.
do enjoy the updates. there's a new cartoon (#30! whoa.), an updated hottie of the fortnight (ow!), and something for you fellows to smile about, too. the new photo gallery is from the album cover and promo shoot that i did for The Whiskey Sisters (www.whiskeysisters.com), and they are simply stunning. the pictures are nice, too.
i suppose if you're reading this, then you don't need the URL. i will however, mail the URL to those slackasses of you who don't read my webpage.
and let me know what you think. sign my guestbook, or write me @ amusesam@yahoo.com.
xo
-s
*yes, one of the whiskey sisters - see the new photo gallery - hubba hubba! @ http://www.samsdayoff.com/gallery1.html)
*sigh*
:)
life is actually pretty ok today. stewart just reminded me that i have one more day before i have to go to the doctor, and i am going to spend that day enjoying a day with buffy and returning a few of her own million kindnesses by helping her clean the house she just moved out of THAT IS FOR RENT. CHEAP! nice place too. e me if you're interested. :)
i also went to a lovely briday shower for Principessa Sallie. all her royal court and fam were in attendance. the food was good, the company pleasant, and the scenery insurpassable ladies, thank you.
tonight i am going to see 'once upon a time in mexico with stewart, so today will have been a day totally devoted to the appreciation of beauty.
to continue in this vein, i also offer you a newly updated day off for your viewing and philosophizing pleasure.
:)
man, i am such a cheeseball.
do enjoy the updates. there's a new cartoon (#30! whoa.), an updated hottie of the fortnight (ow!), and something for you fellows to smile about, too. the new photo gallery is from the album cover and promo shoot that i did for The Whiskey Sisters (www.whiskeysisters.com), and they are simply stunning. the pictures are nice, too.
i suppose if you're reading this, then you don't need the URL. i will however, mail the URL to those slackasses of you who don't read my webpage.
and let me know what you think. sign my guestbook, or write me @ amusesam@yahoo.com.
xo
-s
*yes, one of the whiskey sisters - see the new photo gallery - hubba hubba! @ http://www.samsdayoff.com/gallery1.html)
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Well, just when you think things can’t get any worse…
This morning before work (after my 2nd cup of coffee, when I became awake enough to see and feel) I noticed that the area around the aforementioned little red dot and bruise on my forearm (and yes, this is my RIGHT arm) has turned an angry red. There is a comet shaped swath of red swelling running up my arm from the place where they injected that dye. The tail of the comet currently ends about three inches above my elbow.
Not good, I think. I have called the doctor, am waiting for a call back. If he tells me this is nothing to worry about, I am going to march down to !@#$ St. !@#$ Luke’s and give him such a horrible wedgie, this mf is gonna WISH he was Tobie …
Wedgie time.
He did call. He said put a heating pad on it.
!@#$ % ^&%$#!! !@$!!!
Y’know guys, I’m really kind of losing heart here. I know that this is a horrible thing to say, considering how hard my friends – Red, Mike, RobB., Buff, Brett, Stewart, Sallie, Joe, El, Ken, etc., are working to keep me up, but that should give you some idea of how scary and worrisome this all is. I can say this – if it weren’t for y’all, I’d be up the proverbial scatological creek without a paddle, or even a frikkin’ BOAT for that matter.
Needless to say, I am in a place where laying up and taking care of my arm is not feasible, but one of my “customers” is bringing me a heating pad (moo.) and I will have some potential shift-relief this afternoon, so if it doesn’t start looking better (or hurting less) I can take off and go back to the !@#$ emergency room (maybe I can get ANOTHER !@#$ staph infection or what-the-hell-ever to put a heating pad on while I’m there…) this afternoon…
RAAR!
MOO!
I just want to lay on my couch, or on a blanket in my yard and cry, for about two weeks.
I want my dad to come and rub my back and tell me b.s. stories.
I want to be back on the top of the Ferris wheel with my brothers.
I want to be holding hands with Jeff in the Lord of the Rings.
I want to be back at GS camp with my sister.
I want Charlyn in the bed next to me, telling her old fever dreams*.
I want Bo to come and sit and gift me with his soothing presence.
I want my mom’s ham grits and aunt Sue’s singing in the kitchen and gramma Winnie’s lemon pie and gramma Bertie’s hair-brushing and papaw Joe’s smile.
I want someone to stand up for me with these stupid doctors and hold my hand through the needles part.
I want to be well and ok again so that I can bear my normal amount of hurt.
This is too much.
Too much.
I’m sorry y’all. This is definitely the real-life diary of a real-life girl. I promise you that no one is more sorry than I am that the rants are not less pitiful and more fun these days. Please bear with me. Y’all are my world, my hope, my loves, my family, my all. I know that I am spread too thin, always, even at the best of times. I need to call Charlyn, I need to see Sue and Winnie, I need to write Mandy, I need to make contact with the Austin folks, I need to write Rory, I need to e Shawn… and there are obligations and promises and work and desires here, too… I will never, even if I live another 40 years, manage it all. I’d like to try, though, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for not giving up on me despite how preoccupied and stretched out I always am. Alway Sam
Maybe a tour of the US is what I really need. Tennessee(Thornhills), Kentucky(Pablo), Georgia(Gaijin), Florida(Queen Bees), Mississippi(Kings and ‘Burgers and ‘CoastalFolk), Louisiana(Tedd), Texas(AustinPeopos), Arizona/NewMex(desert), Cali(J&E, Supaks, Unk) – and all the hot-spots and weird-ass tourist traps in between and above.
Well, at least as long as I can dream, I know I’m still in the game.
And I'll apologize now for all the apologies and the pleas for tolerance and understanding. It will probably get worse before it gets better.
All my love and gratitude for all of y'alls' concern, calls, letters (Mike, Rob.B. - y'all are die-hard, old-school, true homies. I love you dearly.). These are truly the things that are keeping me going right now.
-sam
*one time, the last time i had pneumonia, she lay in bed with me while my fever raged - 107 before they finally took me to the hospital - and she told me that once, when she had a bad fever, the ceiling tiles seemed to be shifting and sliding around and that it gave her a feeling "like biting into a marshmallow and hitting a brick". I felt that in my teeth then, even in the middle of a 107 temp. and i have NEVER been able to forget that. now neither will you.
heh heh heh...
This morning before work (after my 2nd cup of coffee, when I became awake enough to see and feel) I noticed that the area around the aforementioned little red dot and bruise on my forearm (and yes, this is my RIGHT arm) has turned an angry red. There is a comet shaped swath of red swelling running up my arm from the place where they injected that dye. The tail of the comet currently ends about three inches above my elbow.
Not good, I think. I have called the doctor, am waiting for a call back. If he tells me this is nothing to worry about, I am going to march down to !@#$ St. !@#$ Luke’s and give him such a horrible wedgie, this mf is gonna WISH he was Tobie …
Wedgie time.
He did call. He said put a heating pad on it.
!@#$ % ^&%$#!! !@$!!!
Y’know guys, I’m really kind of losing heart here. I know that this is a horrible thing to say, considering how hard my friends – Red, Mike, RobB., Buff, Brett, Stewart, Sallie, Joe, El, Ken, etc., are working to keep me up, but that should give you some idea of how scary and worrisome this all is. I can say this – if it weren’t for y’all, I’d be up the proverbial scatological creek without a paddle, or even a frikkin’ BOAT for that matter.
Needless to say, I am in a place where laying up and taking care of my arm is not feasible, but one of my “customers” is bringing me a heating pad (moo.) and I will have some potential shift-relief this afternoon, so if it doesn’t start looking better (or hurting less) I can take off and go back to the !@#$ emergency room (maybe I can get ANOTHER !@#$ staph infection or what-the-hell-ever to put a heating pad on while I’m there…) this afternoon…
RAAR!
MOO!
I just want to lay on my couch, or on a blanket in my yard and cry, for about two weeks.
I want my dad to come and rub my back and tell me b.s. stories.
I want to be back on the top of the Ferris wheel with my brothers.
I want to be holding hands with Jeff in the Lord of the Rings.
I want to be back at GS camp with my sister.
I want Charlyn in the bed next to me, telling her old fever dreams*.
I want Bo to come and sit and gift me with his soothing presence.
I want my mom’s ham grits and aunt Sue’s singing in the kitchen and gramma Winnie’s lemon pie and gramma Bertie’s hair-brushing and papaw Joe’s smile.
I want someone to stand up for me with these stupid doctors and hold my hand through the needles part.
I want to be well and ok again so that I can bear my normal amount of hurt.
This is too much.
Too much.
I’m sorry y’all. This is definitely the real-life diary of a real-life girl. I promise you that no one is more sorry than I am that the rants are not less pitiful and more fun these days. Please bear with me. Y’all are my world, my hope, my loves, my family, my all. I know that I am spread too thin, always, even at the best of times. I need to call Charlyn, I need to see Sue and Winnie, I need to write Mandy, I need to make contact with the Austin folks, I need to write Rory, I need to e Shawn… and there are obligations and promises and work and desires here, too… I will never, even if I live another 40 years, manage it all. I’d like to try, though, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for not giving up on me despite how preoccupied and stretched out I always am. Alway Sam
Maybe a tour of the US is what I really need. Tennessee(Thornhills), Kentucky(Pablo), Georgia(Gaijin), Florida(Queen Bees), Mississippi(Kings and ‘Burgers and ‘CoastalFolk), Louisiana(Tedd), Texas(AustinPeopos), Arizona/NewMex(desert), Cali(J&E, Supaks, Unk) – and all the hot-spots and weird-ass tourist traps in between and above.
Well, at least as long as I can dream, I know I’m still in the game.
And I'll apologize now for all the apologies and the pleas for tolerance and understanding. It will probably get worse before it gets better.
All my love and gratitude for all of y'alls' concern, calls, letters (Mike, Rob.B. - y'all are die-hard, old-school, true homies. I love you dearly.). These are truly the things that are keeping me going right now.
-sam
*one time, the last time i had pneumonia, she lay in bed with me while my fever raged - 107 before they finally took me to the hospital - and she told me that once, when she had a bad fever, the ceiling tiles seemed to be shifting and sliding around and that it gave her a feeling "like biting into a marshmallow and hitting a brick". I felt that in my teeth then, even in the middle of a 107 temp. and i have NEVER been able to forget that. now neither will you.
heh heh heh...
Friday, September 26, 2003
It was something about seeing that white cotton ball taped to my right forearm, the same arm with the bar-coded plastic white name bracelet. No rings on my fingers, no bracelet, all my armor gone, suddenly I just felt mortal. Terribly big, soft, vulnerable, easily breached (those needles slide into your skin like water), and ultimately ending. The whole MRI experience does that. The tube is so small, and the experience so surreal. I was afraid, but also dazed. I was un-drugged – I’d even foregone caffeine and sugar for the day so that my brain might look as nice as possible for it’s photo. That hospital smell does something to you. And I spent a lot of time there as a kid, so all of that came back to me, too. Ken was there, and our lightest possible conversation (which, with Ken, is never too light – except for all of the soap-opera jokes) kept me from winding up too much. There was an elderly lady there, and her fear was heavy. We’d both been waiting long past our appointed time. The machine (which was in the trailer of an 18-wheeler in the hospital parking lot) had “broken” and we were delayed. Before I left with the nurse, she asked me to please hurry. I promised her and myself that I would do my best.
I suppose the extreme surreality began when we left the hospital and walked outside. I’d expected room, concrete walls, machines. When we turned the corner and I saw the trailer, tommy-lift down, music coming out, glimpse of strangely wallpapered (a giant beach scene with sailboats covered the entire inside, wherever there were no machine parts and cabinets) inside, and these attendants. I wasn’t sure how I was to get in there, and then I realized I was to step onto the lift. The man who operated it treated me as if I were elderly, infirm, lightly putting his hand underneath my forearm. They, this man and the very bovine (not so much in her size or shape, but the quality of her expression) lady who were the nurses, commented on my little friend, my Scrump doll I’d brought for physical comfort, something tiny and good to hold and squeeze. I tried to make it easy for them, and I think they were grateful. Papers were signed, some minimal description of the process, double-checking for metal items (they had to tape down the zipper on my sweater and take my safety pins out), and then they asked me about music. I chose classical, because they couldn’t pick up 88.3, and before they put me in I made them change the music because the first song was a classical rendition of that ‘Titanic’ song.
Yeah, right.
Better music chosen, big headphones on my head and then a big plastic cage, like a medieval helmet, maybe. Then the touchie boy nurse put pads around my head, and slid me into the tube. I opened my eyes long enough to know where I was and then I kept them closed except during the worst of the noise, in the depths of the surrealism, when my curiosity wouldn’t hold. I thought about beaches and skies, I thought about what the pretty Asian nurse had said as she walked me to the truck*, I tried to make exciting patterns for the MRI by thinking about certain things when I thought that it was scanning, and just squeezed Scrump and tried to be really still. After a while, they slid me out and without undoing my head proceeded to inject me with dye (which I had not expected and was not happy about). As soon as my head was out of the larger tube I asked the girl-nurse “What do you do about really fat people?” she answered, but I couldn’t read her lips through the bars and Dvorjak was drowning out her words. I said “I can’t hear.” And when the music was turned down I heard her saying that “Really fat people can’t have them. Sometimes they can do an mmmrmrmrm…” I gathered there’s some kind of ‘just-head’ open device thing. I thought – and told her – about dad.
The dye immediately made me feel swimmy, but no worse, and so I didn’t say anything. I knew that little old lady was waiting. I was desperate to be out.
Only minutes this time, and I tried to sit up and and felt woozy. I also felt that I’d been changed somehow. I felt smaller and softer and just different. I know now that it was the cottonball, from the place where she’d injected that dye. And the symbol of it, the symbol of having to have my brain measured and checked, the symbol of needing this nurses’ hand on my forearm, of having had blood drawn and tested, having been injected with foreign substance with a radioactive suffix.
I know it’s hard to see, but I AM an orc-girl. I am a giant, part-troll, made of rock and wood, just enough blood and bone to keep me pretty. Ogre-Queen, with my earrings and bracelets and rings, copper, metal, silver armor. Tusks, under bite, topknot, and throne. This is how I see and feel myself; it’s how I have to, to make it through each day. My forearms look normal, are scarred and pale underneath, but they feel like warm, bark-stripped branches. But this morning, seeing this tiny bruise above that blue-green vein, the red dot where the needle slid right in, with no resistance, remembering the nurse apologizing for having to search for a place big enough in my small veins (they had to use baby needles to draw the 8 tubes of blood) and seeing my naked wrists, fingers, ears; staggering a little as I walked alone – well, with Scrump – back into the hospital on a fine, strange fall day, I realized that I am very human, and can be very easily broken and destroyed. I realized that I am on my own, and as vulnerable as anybody and I am very very scared.
When I was little, I learned quickly that to be anything less than SuperWoman was foolish, and dangerous. You could not slip, mentally or physically, or you would be taken down in the worst ways. Locked up, held down, cornered and brutally manipulated, and then abandoned. Thus a spiky Ogre Queen grown inside a cute, bouncy, rosy girl with eyes that probably should have been water and sky, not smoke and steel. I can’t express how painful it is to me to see that there are some things that even I can’t fight. Men with fists and sticks and intentions are nothing to me, but my own humanity and mortality – a cottonball taped to my arm – is enough to bring me to my knees.
I will still fight. I don’t know how to do anything else, but no matter what turns out to be wrong with me – and I know they may even say ‘nothing’ – I am changed. I know something now that I can’t un-know.
I know this, too. I have not seen enough of the world, of even my own country. I have not seen enough of the people I love and the people I don’t know. I haven’t seen a desert. I haven’t been in a boat on a river in far too long. I haven’t eaten in enough truck stops, walked enough roads with my dog, or seen The House on the Rocks, or the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota, or New York. I do not want to die – next year, or in 40 years – with this kind of regret. With this kind of shameless waste and fear. I am so scared. Scared of what might happen, but far more scared of what might not.
I’m sorry y’all. Bear with me. And forgive me if I make seemingly foolish decisions based on fear. I know that no one can or will take care of me, and I hope y’all know that I will never do anything to purposely scare or hurt my friends. I’m not trying to scare y’all, either, but maybe I’m saying “don’t be surprised or disappointed with me if I finally get the nerve to get rid of all my shit and hit the road with luna and my camera and 200$.”
All my love – and bravery and trust (it was hard to write this)
-sam
*she said “Just pretend you’re on the beach, with a guy, like, mayyyyybe, that guy you’re with…” aaah! Ken’s a pimp!
I suppose the extreme surreality began when we left the hospital and walked outside. I’d expected room, concrete walls, machines. When we turned the corner and I saw the trailer, tommy-lift down, music coming out, glimpse of strangely wallpapered (a giant beach scene with sailboats covered the entire inside, wherever there were no machine parts and cabinets) inside, and these attendants. I wasn’t sure how I was to get in there, and then I realized I was to step onto the lift. The man who operated it treated me as if I were elderly, infirm, lightly putting his hand underneath my forearm. They, this man and the very bovine (not so much in her size or shape, but the quality of her expression) lady who were the nurses, commented on my little friend, my Scrump doll I’d brought for physical comfort, something tiny and good to hold and squeeze. I tried to make it easy for them, and I think they were grateful. Papers were signed, some minimal description of the process, double-checking for metal items (they had to tape down the zipper on my sweater and take my safety pins out), and then they asked me about music. I chose classical, because they couldn’t pick up 88.3, and before they put me in I made them change the music because the first song was a classical rendition of that ‘Titanic’ song.
Yeah, right.
Better music chosen, big headphones on my head and then a big plastic cage, like a medieval helmet, maybe. Then the touchie boy nurse put pads around my head, and slid me into the tube. I opened my eyes long enough to know where I was and then I kept them closed except during the worst of the noise, in the depths of the surrealism, when my curiosity wouldn’t hold. I thought about beaches and skies, I thought about what the pretty Asian nurse had said as she walked me to the truck*, I tried to make exciting patterns for the MRI by thinking about certain things when I thought that it was scanning, and just squeezed Scrump and tried to be really still. After a while, they slid me out and without undoing my head proceeded to inject me with dye (which I had not expected and was not happy about). As soon as my head was out of the larger tube I asked the girl-nurse “What do you do about really fat people?” she answered, but I couldn’t read her lips through the bars and Dvorjak was drowning out her words. I said “I can’t hear.” And when the music was turned down I heard her saying that “Really fat people can’t have them. Sometimes they can do an mmmrmrmrm…” I gathered there’s some kind of ‘just-head’ open device thing. I thought – and told her – about dad.
The dye immediately made me feel swimmy, but no worse, and so I didn’t say anything. I knew that little old lady was waiting. I was desperate to be out.
Only minutes this time, and I tried to sit up and and felt woozy. I also felt that I’d been changed somehow. I felt smaller and softer and just different. I know now that it was the cottonball, from the place where she’d injected that dye. And the symbol of it, the symbol of having to have my brain measured and checked, the symbol of needing this nurses’ hand on my forearm, of having had blood drawn and tested, having been injected with foreign substance with a radioactive suffix.
I know it’s hard to see, but I AM an orc-girl. I am a giant, part-troll, made of rock and wood, just enough blood and bone to keep me pretty. Ogre-Queen, with my earrings and bracelets and rings, copper, metal, silver armor. Tusks, under bite, topknot, and throne. This is how I see and feel myself; it’s how I have to, to make it through each day. My forearms look normal, are scarred and pale underneath, but they feel like warm, bark-stripped branches. But this morning, seeing this tiny bruise above that blue-green vein, the red dot where the needle slid right in, with no resistance, remembering the nurse apologizing for having to search for a place big enough in my small veins (they had to use baby needles to draw the 8 tubes of blood) and seeing my naked wrists, fingers, ears; staggering a little as I walked alone – well, with Scrump – back into the hospital on a fine, strange fall day, I realized that I am very human, and can be very easily broken and destroyed. I realized that I am on my own, and as vulnerable as anybody and I am very very scared.
When I was little, I learned quickly that to be anything less than SuperWoman was foolish, and dangerous. You could not slip, mentally or physically, or you would be taken down in the worst ways. Locked up, held down, cornered and brutally manipulated, and then abandoned. Thus a spiky Ogre Queen grown inside a cute, bouncy, rosy girl with eyes that probably should have been water and sky, not smoke and steel. I can’t express how painful it is to me to see that there are some things that even I can’t fight. Men with fists and sticks and intentions are nothing to me, but my own humanity and mortality – a cottonball taped to my arm – is enough to bring me to my knees.
I will still fight. I don’t know how to do anything else, but no matter what turns out to be wrong with me – and I know they may even say ‘nothing’ – I am changed. I know something now that I can’t un-know.
I know this, too. I have not seen enough of the world, of even my own country. I have not seen enough of the people I love and the people I don’t know. I haven’t seen a desert. I haven’t been in a boat on a river in far too long. I haven’t eaten in enough truck stops, walked enough roads with my dog, or seen The House on the Rocks, or the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota, or New York. I do not want to die – next year, or in 40 years – with this kind of regret. With this kind of shameless waste and fear. I am so scared. Scared of what might happen, but far more scared of what might not.
I’m sorry y’all. Bear with me. And forgive me if I make seemingly foolish decisions based on fear. I know that no one can or will take care of me, and I hope y’all know that I will never do anything to purposely scare or hurt my friends. I’m not trying to scare y’all, either, but maybe I’m saying “don’t be surprised or disappointed with me if I finally get the nerve to get rid of all my shit and hit the road with luna and my camera and 200$.”
All my love – and bravery and trust (it was hard to write this)
-sam
*she said “Just pretend you’re on the beach, with a guy, like, mayyyyybe, that guy you’re with…” aaah! Ken’s a pimp!
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Ok, peeps. Here’s the dealie-o! if you would like to see pics of BRIAN AND ANDI’S BRAND SHINY NEW BABY GIRL (!!!) – Miss Aeryn McKinney Allen (!!!) – here’s what you can do:
Go to yahoo groups (http://groups.yahoo.com/), go to the spot where it says “join a group” and enter “amusesam” (no quotations) and then, sign in please, and join me.
when you get in, go to photos and look for "aeryn pics". please feel free to browse the other albums, too.
-I must ask a favor, though – NO FAIRE BUSINESS (or other business at all) POSTED HERE. This is my personal page, for my dayoff stuff, and I’d like to keep it like that. This is my private little whee, fun geek spot, and I want it to remain unsullied and protected for lovely things like art goofiness and BABY PICTURES!
Much love,
Beaming Ridiculously Proud Aunt Sambro
Go to yahoo groups (http://groups.yahoo.com/), go to the spot where it says “join a group” and enter “amusesam” (no quotations) and then, sign in please, and join me.
when you get in, go to photos and look for "aeryn pics". please feel free to browse the other albums, too.
-I must ask a favor, though – NO FAIRE BUSINESS (or other business at all) POSTED HERE. This is my personal page, for my dayoff stuff, and I’d like to keep it like that. This is my private little whee, fun geek spot, and I want it to remain unsullied and protected for lovely things like art goofiness and BABY PICTURES!
Much love,
Beaming Ridiculously Proud Aunt Sambro
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
i could talk about some yukky stuff, and catch y'all up on what's going on with me, but i'd rather not. today i have GOOD NEWS!!!
yesterday was the equinox, as i'm sure most of y'all know. i spent a good deal of time outside last night, lighting my candles, sending up my prayers, looking at the sky. i thought about a lot of stuff, mostly good, some skewwy, but it all ended with "no matter what happens to me, there's now a new person in the world, who, in my opinion, has what it takes to pick up my slack!"
Aeryn McKinney Allen was born yesterday a little after 3:30. Buffy called me to give me the news as I was standing at my altar in the kitchen lighting the candles for outside!) She is 5 pounds, 4 ounces, 18 and a little inches long, and sweet as pie. Andi told Buffy that she looked like she was gonna have her mama's beautiful, beautiful brown eyes! (YAY!)
Andi had called yesterday a.m. before I went into work, to let me know that she was going in to the doctor, that this baby might be ready to come (they'd said they might induce on thurs.) and i said "Well, it IS the equinox!" she said "Is it?"
yup! She went in for her appointment, and while she was filling out her paperstuff, her water broke! Aeryn said "MAMA, IT'S TIME!"
I will go see them tonight, as soon as i get offa work, and Brian said there's already pics to share!
Happy equinox, all! Happy birthday, Baby! Congratulations, BrAndi! YAY, US!
xoxoxo
-sambolina
yesterday was the equinox, as i'm sure most of y'all know. i spent a good deal of time outside last night, lighting my candles, sending up my prayers, looking at the sky. i thought about a lot of stuff, mostly good, some skewwy, but it all ended with "no matter what happens to me, there's now a new person in the world, who, in my opinion, has what it takes to pick up my slack!"
Aeryn McKinney Allen was born yesterday a little after 3:30. Buffy called me to give me the news as I was standing at my altar in the kitchen lighting the candles for outside!) She is 5 pounds, 4 ounces, 18 and a little inches long, and sweet as pie. Andi told Buffy that she looked like she was gonna have her mama's beautiful, beautiful brown eyes! (YAY!)
Andi had called yesterday a.m. before I went into work, to let me know that she was going in to the doctor, that this baby might be ready to come (they'd said they might induce on thurs.) and i said "Well, it IS the equinox!" she said "Is it?"
yup! She went in for her appointment, and while she was filling out her paperstuff, her water broke! Aeryn said "MAMA, IT'S TIME!"
I will go see them tonight, as soon as i get offa work, and Brian said there's already pics to share!
Happy equinox, all! Happy birthday, Baby! Congratulations, BrAndi! YAY, US!
xoxoxo
-sambolina
Friday, September 19, 2003
ok, folks. today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day! ARRRRR! There is an Official Website, what will teach you how to do the lingo properly.
stewart passed this on to us, THANKS, STEWART!
AVAST, ME HEARTIES! (i am remembering that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Orlando *sigh* Bloom realizes he's become a pirate and he and Johnny "Madjack" Depp
*purrrrrr* are confronting the badguys, and Orlando tries to talk like a pirate for the first time. hee.)
more news later - i need a coke. they took eight !@#$ tubes of blood from me this a.m.
yukk.
much love,
-s
stewart passed this on to us, THANKS, STEWART!
AVAST, ME HEARTIES! (i am remembering that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Orlando *sigh* Bloom realizes he's become a pirate and he and Johnny "Madjack" Depp
*purrrrrr* are confronting the badguys, and Orlando tries to talk like a pirate for the first time. hee.)
more news later - i need a coke. they took eight !@#$ tubes of blood from me this a.m.
yukk.
much love,
-s
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Saturday, September 13, 2003
...we temporarily interrupt the "tales of con" to announce that the writer - who is, as we all know, a bit temporally challenged - needs to check her timeline against other geeks before she proceeds with this post! :)
fear not, i will finish what i started! ;)
in other news, our ken is nearly as excited about The Package to Mr. D. as i am. He called yesterday wanting reference direction and anecdotes, and we're planning to meet next week to discuss the piece he's doing for The Package. this is SO exciting!
ken has always felt like kin (hur!), but the similarities in our bizarre geek makeup is really showing in this project. i feel pretty sure that everyone else just thinks i'm completely demented, but ken is IN! i have commissioned a specific drawing from him and i am delighted that he is approaching this with such fantastic zeal. yay, you!
xoxoxo
more later,
much love,
-sambolina honey pie
fear not, i will finish what i started! ;)
in other news, our ken is nearly as excited about The Package to Mr. D. as i am. He called yesterday wanting reference direction and anecdotes, and we're planning to meet next week to discuss the piece he's doing for The Package. this is SO exciting!
ken has always felt like kin (hur!), but the similarities in our bizarre geek makeup is really showing in this project. i feel pretty sure that everyone else just thinks i'm completely demented, but ken is IN! i have commissioned a specific drawing from him and i am delighted that he is approaching this with such fantastic zeal. yay, you!
xoxoxo
more later,
much love,
-sambolina honey pie
Friday, September 12, 2003
Saturday “morning” (harharhar!) we all rolled out a bit late, oh, more like, after lunch. The boys all had some evil plan, panels to see, people to do, but I’d decided that Saturday was gonna be my “Pro” day. The geeks all dressed in garb – I listened to Jen dish dirt about some folks while I watched her brush and braid her platinum wig. I was reminded of how much I love her and why I took the chance on letting her move in for a while. Being in the room together and being girls at con was like the best of those times.
I dressed in my current favorite outfit, my semi-slinky black&tan linen-weave 80’s shirt, my “rick” jeans (tight, button-fly 501’s with deep cuffs that have a turtle pin stuck in and pretty colors of oil paint at the bottom of the cuff…) and my pink-flower flip-flops. I went down to artists’ alley and made the rounds. Got some signatures and some BEAUTIFUL Andy Lee original art, talked to the gaijin guys a bit – finally saw Adam…
*sigh* He gave me his latest issue of “Are They Big Enough For Ya’ Fanboy?” and said kind words. I mooched around as long as I could stand to, and then I went out into the hall and set up shop.
Jen had given me a nice big grey box with a black top and a handle. I – of course decorated it with various SDO ads and filled it with all my big stuff. She’d also given me this cool desky-art-supply-thingy, so I set my box up with a sign on top that said “Will Art for Food!”, laid my pens out, put out my ‘Harry Potter” tip-jar and started drawing.
Needless to say, sitting against the wall and hunching over drawing was murder on my back, but nothing could sway me (so to speak. hur.). Dearest Tobie came and checked on me about once an hour, bless his little pointy head. He brought me water and soda to take my Vitamin I, he brought me lunch, and he even procured my first paying customers (Thank you, Tobie, I love you. 27Billion Geek Con Points to you. You won, you passed, you're a pro and a Vet'ran!). They were two sweet little ladies (15?) who were wearing some fancy clothes - a fairy princess in lace and velvet, and a red-haired freckle-faced brownie lass in a patchwork skirt made by her best friend. I did a full-figure sketch of the pair for the sum of their available change – 4.25$ and made their day. Their older sibs were coming later with more $$$, so I didn’t feel bad taking their scratch and they said “HA! And THEY said we couldn’t get anything good at con for just a little money!” : )
So, I sat and drew, and enjoyed the feeling of being an artist at con again, albeit a hall-squatting con-rat. Oh, how the fighty are maulen*. A few people sat to watch me draw, I met a lady who knows some of my library patrons, I ran into my dear old friend from the ‘Burg/Coastal days, Clifford and his LOVELY lass. They commissioned a sketch and so I did a “D&D” for her (she raved about my Delirium that my dear old chum and all-time favorite gm Derek has framed on his wall), with a cute me-Delirium and her as Death. They paid me a VERY sweet commission. (Thank you both, you made me feel like a pro again. : ) The bouncy binkies** came and bought my little asian school-girl sketch (it was sweeeeeet) and I did a cho-like Bettie kinda’ gal. Part of me was reeling from the feeling of being out in the hall again, sketchbook in hand, but that was then and this was now, and my overall feeling was “This is ME doing it now, I’m not here because I came with some Bigtime Artists. People are stopping just for MY art.” And that felt good.
At one point, Cully (Hamner, Gaijin Artiste Extraordinare – and SERIOUS sweetie/cutie-pie) and Karl (Storey, Gaijin Artiste as well) came out to go to lunch, or to powder their noses or somethin’, and when Cully saw me sitting there he said “You’re just a JUNKIE, aren’t you?” I just grinned and kept on inkin’…
Later Adam came out in the hall with his lady friend, and they were discussing something very serious in whispers. They went back inside for a minute and when they came back out, Adam stopped to tell me that he had to leave, his mother had a stroke, and he had to catch an emergency flight to Jersey. Pobresito. Those of you who know me well know how dear Adam is to me, his art, yes, but him too, him especially. There is and always will be a very tender spot in my heart for him. I felt so sad for him – he’s a very gentle soul, and so honored that he stopped to tell me what was up. He asked me to let folks know what had happened, and then he headed off to be with his mama.
Adam – if you ever read this, I have a million hugs with your name on them.
The con flowed on around us all, but something in me had changed at that point, it all seemed deeper, more like I was a part of the machine than just a passenger, more real, more like it used to be…
-to be continued…
*this is one of my favorite puns and quotes in the world, to date. Michel Faber, “The Crimson Petal and the White”. READ IT.
**this very cute little multiculti group of succulent wildwomen who were well-costumed and made tobie’s !@#$ CENTURY, and also became my new biggest fans. : )
I dressed in my current favorite outfit, my semi-slinky black&tan linen-weave 80’s shirt, my “rick” jeans (tight, button-fly 501’s with deep cuffs that have a turtle pin stuck in and pretty colors of oil paint at the bottom of the cuff…) and my pink-flower flip-flops. I went down to artists’ alley and made the rounds. Got some signatures and some BEAUTIFUL Andy Lee original art, talked to the gaijin guys a bit – finally saw Adam…
*sigh* He gave me his latest issue of “Are They Big Enough For Ya’ Fanboy?” and said kind words. I mooched around as long as I could stand to, and then I went out into the hall and set up shop.
Jen had given me a nice big grey box with a black top and a handle. I – of course decorated it with various SDO ads and filled it with all my big stuff. She’d also given me this cool desky-art-supply-thingy, so I set my box up with a sign on top that said “Will Art for Food!”, laid my pens out, put out my ‘Harry Potter” tip-jar and started drawing.
Needless to say, sitting against the wall and hunching over drawing was murder on my back, but nothing could sway me (so to speak. hur.). Dearest Tobie came and checked on me about once an hour, bless his little pointy head. He brought me water and soda to take my Vitamin I, he brought me lunch, and he even procured my first paying customers (Thank you, Tobie, I love you. 27Billion Geek Con Points to you. You won, you passed, you're a pro and a Vet'ran!). They were two sweet little ladies (15?) who were wearing some fancy clothes - a fairy princess in lace and velvet, and a red-haired freckle-faced brownie lass in a patchwork skirt made by her best friend. I did a full-figure sketch of the pair for the sum of their available change – 4.25$ and made their day. Their older sibs were coming later with more $$$, so I didn’t feel bad taking their scratch and they said “HA! And THEY said we couldn’t get anything good at con for just a little money!” : )
So, I sat and drew, and enjoyed the feeling of being an artist at con again, albeit a hall-squatting con-rat. Oh, how the fighty are maulen*. A few people sat to watch me draw, I met a lady who knows some of my library patrons, I ran into my dear old friend from the ‘Burg/Coastal days, Clifford and his LOVELY lass. They commissioned a sketch and so I did a “D&D” for her (she raved about my Delirium that my dear old chum and all-time favorite gm Derek has framed on his wall), with a cute me-Delirium and her as Death. They paid me a VERY sweet commission. (Thank you both, you made me feel like a pro again. : ) The bouncy binkies** came and bought my little asian school-girl sketch (it was sweeeeeet) and I did a cho-like Bettie kinda’ gal. Part of me was reeling from the feeling of being out in the hall again, sketchbook in hand, but that was then and this was now, and my overall feeling was “This is ME doing it now, I’m not here because I came with some Bigtime Artists. People are stopping just for MY art.” And that felt good.
At one point, Cully (Hamner, Gaijin Artiste Extraordinare – and SERIOUS sweetie/cutie-pie) and Karl (Storey, Gaijin Artiste as well) came out to go to lunch, or to powder their noses or somethin’, and when Cully saw me sitting there he said “You’re just a JUNKIE, aren’t you?” I just grinned and kept on inkin’…
Later Adam came out in the hall with his lady friend, and they were discussing something very serious in whispers. They went back inside for a minute and when they came back out, Adam stopped to tell me that he had to leave, his mother had a stroke, and he had to catch an emergency flight to Jersey. Pobresito. Those of you who know me well know how dear Adam is to me, his art, yes, but him too, him especially. There is and always will be a very tender spot in my heart for him. I felt so sad for him – he’s a very gentle soul, and so honored that he stopped to tell me what was up. He asked me to let folks know what had happened, and then he headed off to be with his mama.
Adam – if you ever read this, I have a million hugs with your name on them.
The con flowed on around us all, but something in me had changed at that point, it all seemed deeper, more like I was a part of the machine than just a passenger, more real, more like it used to be…
-to be continued…
*this is one of my favorite puns and quotes in the world, to date. Michel Faber, “The Crimson Petal and the White”. READ IT.
**this very cute little multiculti group of succulent wildwomen who were well-costumed and made tobie’s !@#$ CENTURY, and also became my new biggest fans. : )
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
well, in latest news, i am still having some cootie fall-out. i have this deadly cough that will not die, and is causing me worse problems than being loud in the libob. however, i will survive. i have to, because a faithful expatriate member of the geek patrol has procured VIN DIESEL'S home address for me...
don't worry. stalking's not my style. 'sides, i'd want him stalking me. i just want to send him a thank-you-note for representin' so boldly and beautifully for all the gamers of the world, and of course, i'd like him to see all the festive representations of himself in 'sam's day off'. :) he's the REAL king hottie, and we all know it.
what else to tell? well, luna has been staying on her lead while i'm at work. i found a magic combination of harness and collar lead that still allows her access to the whole 50 feet of the run. so, she's on double lock-down, but it makes me feel safer and keeps our new neighbor from yelling and cussing at us. :(
also, my truck and license are all completely renewed and happiy legal. i am SO bad about all that stuff. i let my license lapse for a WHOLE WEEK! and when i went to get my inspection sticker renewed they said "oh, your tag's been expired since JANUARY." !!! !@#$! :O
well, all taken care of now, i can drive in landrum again.
did go to brett and buffy's on sunday - had to cancel day with andi cause'a cooties. no cooties for baby and mama.
buff and girls picked me up on sunday after lunch and brought me to casa de inky. we stopped by the house on the way - it will be done in less than three weeks! we girled around 'til the boys came over, then we geeked the rest of the afternoon away. ken and jason came, wendi showed up, and brett came grumpin' in after his team got creamed. he was NOT in a pretty mood, but it's ok, we love him anyway. buffy made chili (mm!) and we inhaled it, there was cake and pie, too. mm, pie. it was a nice day. good to see wendi, made ken go all mooshy when i gave him his prezzie (he got a crow pin, signed by james o'barr. i love that ken is such an E-normous cheeseball. he has promised to help me get a good package together for vin. i want him to do a pic of vin as a big orc-boy - chuh! - with my magda in tow. :D yay!)
and speaking of geek things, i shall continue the tales of con... now where did i leave off? oh yes, with me stripping...
i went back to the room with mike - who BAILED at that point, and changed into something (MUCH) more comfortable. i ditched the hat and wig, the hot shirt and bodice and opted for a favorite slinky-tight jammie shirt that i left bottoned low and tied at the waist. it was a fetching ensemble. literally. i thought this one guy was going to fall into my cleavage. another bloke buttoned the shirt up because he said he was having a hard time talking to my face. (awww.) this is a noteable thing at a function where the majority of women are wearing "less 'cotton' than you ususally see in an aspirin
bottle" (as my friend meg used to say). i was feeling pretty ... light-hearted at this point, and in the mood for wandering and watching, which pretty much became my prime objective for the weekend. i whizzed around and harassed the gp, but at some point i ended up out in the goth's smoking* area, outside the doors of the hyatt's convention area. i don't remember who i was talking to, prolly d. or tuber, but they left and said they'd be back. i said "i'll wait right here" and struck a dancer's pose as if i would wait like that. it felt kind of good, and certainly no one was paying attention (this was goth-leather-deader-than-you-freako-central) but then this guy came up to me and struck a similar pose. i said "care to dahnce?" and he said "certainly" and we attempted to swoosh off, but then we both simultaneously admitted that we didn't really know how to. (it's nice that you can forget that you don't know how to dance, innit?)
i can shake my bootay quite artfully, in a solo mode, but - like doc savage, slow-dancing is one of the two things that i'm just not very good at. like doc also, cooking is the other. i explained this to the bloke, but then i remembered my brother's quickie lesson at the starlite musical review and i told gabe - that was allegedly his name, gabriel - that i would teach him what joe had taught me. i then proceeded to spend one of the most enjoyable hours i had at con, learning to dance with this guy. we whirled and stumbled amongst the goths, taking turns being the boy and laughing when we forgot or faltered. it was really fun. after that, he offered me a drink and we sallied forth to his room for one of the truly most awful cocktails i have ever experienced - dr. pepper and crown. eeeeeyuuuurrrrrrrrk. it was even worse than jaegermeister, if you can imagine. we talked a bit. i found out that he was every bit as odd as i'd expected, and we had a good talk. i got tired and had reached my nigh-critical mass limit of alcohol and realized that it was time for me to go to bed. so said gentleman walked me to my door and gave me a very nice good night kiss. *gasp* yes, i kissed someone at con. call the newspapers. (no, mike, it wasn't chris reeves.). i went in, crashed hard, and dreamed of dancing in clouds of smoke among leather faeries...
-to be continued
*i saw a bumper sticker in the dealer's room that said "if you're so goth, where were you when we were sacking byzantium?"
don't worry. stalking's not my style. 'sides, i'd want him stalking me. i just want to send him a thank-you-note for representin' so boldly and beautifully for all the gamers of the world, and of course, i'd like him to see all the festive representations of himself in 'sam's day off'. :) he's the REAL king hottie, and we all know it.
what else to tell? well, luna has been staying on her lead while i'm at work. i found a magic combination of harness and collar lead that still allows her access to the whole 50 feet of the run. so, she's on double lock-down, but it makes me feel safer and keeps our new neighbor from yelling and cussing at us. :(
also, my truck and license are all completely renewed and happiy legal. i am SO bad about all that stuff. i let my license lapse for a WHOLE WEEK! and when i went to get my inspection sticker renewed they said "oh, your tag's been expired since JANUARY." !!! !@#$! :O
well, all taken care of now, i can drive in landrum again.
did go to brett and buffy's on sunday - had to cancel day with andi cause'a cooties. no cooties for baby and mama.
buff and girls picked me up on sunday after lunch and brought me to casa de inky. we stopped by the house on the way - it will be done in less than three weeks! we girled around 'til the boys came over, then we geeked the rest of the afternoon away. ken and jason came, wendi showed up, and brett came grumpin' in after his team got creamed. he was NOT in a pretty mood, but it's ok, we love him anyway. buffy made chili (mm!) and we inhaled it, there was cake and pie, too. mm, pie. it was a nice day. good to see wendi, made ken go all mooshy when i gave him his prezzie (he got a crow pin, signed by james o'barr. i love that ken is such an E-normous cheeseball. he has promised to help me get a good package together for vin. i want him to do a pic of vin as a big orc-boy - chuh! - with my magda in tow. :D yay!)
and speaking of geek things, i shall continue the tales of con... now where did i leave off? oh yes, with me stripping...
i went back to the room with mike - who BAILED at that point, and changed into something (MUCH) more comfortable. i ditched the hat and wig, the hot shirt and bodice and opted for a favorite slinky-tight jammie shirt that i left bottoned low and tied at the waist. it was a fetching ensemble. literally. i thought this one guy was going to fall into my cleavage. another bloke buttoned the shirt up because he said he was having a hard time talking to my face. (awww.) this is a noteable thing at a function where the majority of women are wearing "less 'cotton' than you ususally see in an aspirin
bottle" (as my friend meg used to say). i was feeling pretty ... light-hearted at this point, and in the mood for wandering and watching, which pretty much became my prime objective for the weekend. i whizzed around and harassed the gp, but at some point i ended up out in the goth's smoking* area, outside the doors of the hyatt's convention area. i don't remember who i was talking to, prolly d. or tuber, but they left and said they'd be back. i said "i'll wait right here" and struck a dancer's pose as if i would wait like that. it felt kind of good, and certainly no one was paying attention (this was goth-leather-deader-than-you-freako-central) but then this guy came up to me and struck a similar pose. i said "care to dahnce?" and he said "certainly" and we attempted to swoosh off, but then we both simultaneously admitted that we didn't really know how to. (it's nice that you can forget that you don't know how to dance, innit?)
i can shake my bootay quite artfully, in a solo mode, but - like doc savage, slow-dancing is one of the two things that i'm just not very good at. like doc also, cooking is the other. i explained this to the bloke, but then i remembered my brother's quickie lesson at the starlite musical review and i told gabe - that was allegedly his name, gabriel - that i would teach him what joe had taught me. i then proceeded to spend one of the most enjoyable hours i had at con, learning to dance with this guy. we whirled and stumbled amongst the goths, taking turns being the boy and laughing when we forgot or faltered. it was really fun. after that, he offered me a drink and we sallied forth to his room for one of the truly most awful cocktails i have ever experienced - dr. pepper and crown. eeeeeyuuuurrrrrrrrk. it was even worse than jaegermeister, if you can imagine. we talked a bit. i found out that he was every bit as odd as i'd expected, and we had a good talk. i got tired and had reached my nigh-critical mass limit of alcohol and realized that it was time for me to go to bed. so said gentleman walked me to my door and gave me a very nice good night kiss. *gasp* yes, i kissed someone at con. call the newspapers. (no, mike, it wasn't chris reeves.). i went in, crashed hard, and dreamed of dancing in clouds of smoke among leather faeries...
-to be continued
*i saw a bumper sticker in the dealer's room that said "if you're so goth, where were you when we were sacking byzantium?"
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Friday, September 05, 2003
oh, monkeys. i am so veryvery sick. i have a BAD chest cold, hacking, wheezing, and then last night i just moved into the Congestion Zone. i went to work anyway. i figured, since i feel like pureed hell anyway, i might as well take it out on the masses. moowhahaha*hack*hack*urgh*argh*wheeeeeeeze*... yuk. i am running a fever, i hurt all over, and i just want to kick people. ok, i ALWAYS want to kick people, but today i want to kick them AND cough on them.
eeeevil.
i want to start a little "con remembrance diary" though, so i can catch y'all up on the fun.
mike and left at 12:30 !@#$ a.m. on friday, we got there about six because SOMEone didn't take a nap during the day, aherm, and had to pull over and sleep. no problemo for me, i was trained from infancy to sleep in a car, so i slept pretty much the whole way there (and the whole way back on tuesday, too. :) we got to the room and i squooged into bed betwixt tobie and dawoo and had yummy fuzzy snuggle-fest for a couple of hours.
even though we'd rolled in at the crack of dawn, i was up and bouncy and ready for an infusion of serious geekism by 8:30. I got up, showered and dressed and roused the crew. jen and burt were the only ones who kept decent hours throughout the weekend, so jen was up and sparky pretty early, too. she'd packed (tardis-like) enough food and supplies for the whole company, so there were breakfast options, coffee when we needed it and snacks for the mid-day. she also had good lunch-stuff, and pre-packed dinners for the whole crew. mm. :) i thanked her about 20 times for her good planning and taking over that kind of responsibility, but that wasn't enough thanks. i spent many-a-con (before the 'guesting' days) haunting the con-suite, sleeping in halls, and living on nabs and coke and alcohol. this was fatness supreme. as mike pointed out, it was like a little con-family* trip. we were six to a room, with jen and burt claiming one bed and the rest of us rotating between the second bed and the comfy floor pallets (i'd brought my little mattress and my karly dream-blanky). we kept the room nice and MOST of our stuff packed up and out of the way so that the room didn't get too crazy, and we never fought over the bathroom**.
my first plan on friday was to find the gaijin guys. i also wanted to see the action and get the lay of the land, but i had bid'ness to attend. before i could do that, though, i had to get through - bum bum BUMMMM! - registration. we went en masse, geek patrol unity, to the spot. jen had warned us that it could be madness and a long wait, but it actually wasn't too bad. mike had to get his name changed from allison (?) and i had to pick up my badge. as i was walking toward the entrance way, i passed a furry, much loved and well-remembered face, a SERIOUS blast from the past, my friend dean fagan from hattiesburg. we had recently reunited through SAM'S DAY OFF (yay!) and had passed a couple of e-mails, but what a surprise to see him standing in the hall! after the hugs, he informed me that another dear old friend, mike herrington*** was there with his new wife, jena. i walked into the hall and just hollered "MIKE HERRINGTON!" ("MIKE WAZOWSKY!") and enjoyed the look of serious surprise on his face when he saw me. his wife is a sweetie, so i didn't have to get all jealous and catty (i'd always had a bit of a thing for mike... hm...). i was SO glad that he hadn't married that ONE psycho that he' been with last, and jena was immediately sweet and friendly to me. i was also glad to see him upright, 'cause the last time we met, he was in a hospital bed suffering badly after a car wreck. he looked great, no change at all (except for the MAJOR upgrade in gals. go mikey! ;) we started catching up on the old home folks there in the line, and the gossip continued throughout the weekend. it was a good way to begin my first con in eight years...
-to be continued...
*well, what mike said EXACTLY was that it was like a "f#@%$d up family trip." :D
**ok, a couple of times we fought over not wanting to go NEAR the bathroom, but that's another story, and boys are gross.
***thanks for signing my guestbook mike! and thanks for the compliments on my sucker!
eeeevil.
i want to start a little "con remembrance diary" though, so i can catch y'all up on the fun.
mike and left at 12:30 !@#$ a.m. on friday, we got there about six because SOMEone didn't take a nap during the day, aherm, and had to pull over and sleep. no problemo for me, i was trained from infancy to sleep in a car, so i slept pretty much the whole way there (and the whole way back on tuesday, too. :) we got to the room and i squooged into bed betwixt tobie and dawoo and had yummy fuzzy snuggle-fest for a couple of hours.
even though we'd rolled in at the crack of dawn, i was up and bouncy and ready for an infusion of serious geekism by 8:30. I got up, showered and dressed and roused the crew. jen and burt were the only ones who kept decent hours throughout the weekend, so jen was up and sparky pretty early, too. she'd packed (tardis-like) enough food and supplies for the whole company, so there were breakfast options, coffee when we needed it and snacks for the mid-day. she also had good lunch-stuff, and pre-packed dinners for the whole crew. mm. :) i thanked her about 20 times for her good planning and taking over that kind of responsibility, but that wasn't enough thanks. i spent many-a-con (before the 'guesting' days) haunting the con-suite, sleeping in halls, and living on nabs and coke and alcohol. this was fatness supreme. as mike pointed out, it was like a little con-family* trip. we were six to a room, with jen and burt claiming one bed and the rest of us rotating between the second bed and the comfy floor pallets (i'd brought my little mattress and my karly dream-blanky). we kept the room nice and MOST of our stuff packed up and out of the way so that the room didn't get too crazy, and we never fought over the bathroom**.
my first plan on friday was to find the gaijin guys. i also wanted to see the action and get the lay of the land, but i had bid'ness to attend. before i could do that, though, i had to get through - bum bum BUMMMM! - registration. we went en masse, geek patrol unity, to the spot. jen had warned us that it could be madness and a long wait, but it actually wasn't too bad. mike had to get his name changed from allison (?) and i had to pick up my badge. as i was walking toward the entrance way, i passed a furry, much loved and well-remembered face, a SERIOUS blast from the past, my friend dean fagan from hattiesburg. we had recently reunited through SAM'S DAY OFF (yay!) and had passed a couple of e-mails, but what a surprise to see him standing in the hall! after the hugs, he informed me that another dear old friend, mike herrington*** was there with his new wife, jena. i walked into the hall and just hollered "MIKE HERRINGTON!" ("MIKE WAZOWSKY!") and enjoyed the look of serious surprise on his face when he saw me. his wife is a sweetie, so i didn't have to get all jealous and catty (i'd always had a bit of a thing for mike... hm...). i was SO glad that he hadn't married that ONE psycho that he' been with last, and jena was immediately sweet and friendly to me. i was also glad to see him upright, 'cause the last time we met, he was in a hospital bed suffering badly after a car wreck. he looked great, no change at all (except for the MAJOR upgrade in gals. go mikey! ;) we started catching up on the old home folks there in the line, and the gossip continued throughout the weekend. it was a good way to begin my first con in eight years...
-to be continued...
*well, what mike said EXACTLY was that it was like a "f#@%$d up family trip." :D
**ok, a couple of times we fought over not wanting to go NEAR the bathroom, but that's another story, and boys are gross.
***thanks for signing my guestbook mike! and thanks for the compliments on my sucker!
Thursday, September 04, 2003
fyi & re: yesterday's rant - the offending guestbook post has been removed.
thank you, wet rats, o' webmaster supreme.
also, let me apologize publicly for my difficulty in stating my true feelings about things. i know that i am shy and reticent and have a hard time making myself heard, but i'm working on it.
ha.
-s
thank you, wet rats, o' webmaster supreme.
also, let me apologize publicly for my difficulty in stating my true feelings about things. i know that i am shy and reticent and have a hard time making myself heard, but i'm working on it.
ha.
-s
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
hi everyone. i know y'all are wanting to hear about 'con - and there is LOTS to tell, but this spot on my webpage is called a RANT for a reason, and there is something that i really MUST address here first (this is related to a recent post to my guestbook):
let's get this straight here and now, all curious and questioning and ASSUMING folks - I AM NOT DATING ANYONE. I AM NOT SEEING ANYONE, I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH ANYONE, I AM NOT "FOOLING AROUND" WITH ANYONE, I AM NOT "SERIOUSLY" INTERESTED IN ANYONE, AND AM NOT LIKELY TO BE AT ANYTIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE!
got it? good.
and another thing. NOTHING kills any interest that i MIGHT have like finding out - BEFORE I EVEN !@#$ KNOW IT - that i am "involved" or "prospective" from people i've never even !@#$ MET. yes, this is all related a specific post, but i feel like this is something that the world - or at least the teeny segment of it that is interested in knowing more about me - NEEDS TO KNOW. i've addressed this statement up close and personal with the bloke who was EXTREMELY embarassingly named out loud in public forum, several days before this post ever appeared, so i don't feel bad at all about reiterating this right here for those of you who need to know.
so, i am going to list some very plain and important personal rules right here for future reference:
1: IF I DON'T TALK ABOUT IT HERE, IT'S NOBODY'S DAMNED BUSINESS!!!
2: NEVER, EVER, ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT ME!!! i PROMISE you, if i find out that anyone has ASSUMED anything about me, i will change my tack, just for the !@#$ of it. this is a guarantee. ask the people who know me.
3: CHECK YOUR !@#$ FACTS BEFORE YOU GO POSTING THINGS (ESPECIALLY ABOUT ME!!!) TO MY !@#$ PAGE!!!
raar! that'll do for now. at least, i damned sure hope it will.
i am an extremely open and honest person, which is precisely why i need for some parts of my life to be just mine. IF i ever do find someone special, just for me, i will keep it to myself as long as i possibly can. when i have dated in the past, even my own, close, beloved girlies have only heard about it, and some of my friends, very close ones, have never even known the names of my paramours, much less met them. there is no !@#$ way on earth that some strangers (and that includes parents, friends, and !@#$ library patrons) are going to know my possible !@#$ business before I do.
in case you can't tell, i am livid. this is strike 3, in this particular case. those of you who can't keep your mouths shut and your assumptions to yourselves owe your own friend(s) an apology. i don't know you, so i don't give a damn, and i do know that my own friends would never do this. i do have a couple who are testosterone-impaired and who still haven't figured out not to ask questions, but hopefully they are learning. i wish the rest of you similar luck.
got it?
good.
let's get this straight here and now, all curious and questioning and ASSUMING folks - I AM NOT DATING ANYONE. I AM NOT SEEING ANYONE, I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH ANYONE, I AM NOT "FOOLING AROUND" WITH ANYONE, I AM NOT "SERIOUSLY" INTERESTED IN ANYONE, AND AM NOT LIKELY TO BE AT ANYTIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE!
got it? good.
and another thing. NOTHING kills any interest that i MIGHT have like finding out - BEFORE I EVEN !@#$ KNOW IT - that i am "involved" or "prospective" from people i've never even !@#$ MET. yes, this is all related a specific post, but i feel like this is something that the world - or at least the teeny segment of it that is interested in knowing more about me - NEEDS TO KNOW. i've addressed this statement up close and personal with the bloke who was EXTREMELY embarassingly named out loud in public forum, several days before this post ever appeared, so i don't feel bad at all about reiterating this right here for those of you who need to know.
so, i am going to list some very plain and important personal rules right here for future reference:
1: IF I DON'T TALK ABOUT IT HERE, IT'S NOBODY'S DAMNED BUSINESS!!!
2: NEVER, EVER, ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT ME!!! i PROMISE you, if i find out that anyone has ASSUMED anything about me, i will change my tack, just for the !@#$ of it. this is a guarantee. ask the people who know me.
3: CHECK YOUR !@#$ FACTS BEFORE YOU GO POSTING THINGS (ESPECIALLY ABOUT ME!!!) TO MY !@#$ PAGE!!!
raar! that'll do for now. at least, i damned sure hope it will.
i am an extremely open and honest person, which is precisely why i need for some parts of my life to be just mine. IF i ever do find someone special, just for me, i will keep it to myself as long as i possibly can. when i have dated in the past, even my own, close, beloved girlies have only heard about it, and some of my friends, very close ones, have never even known the names of my paramours, much less met them. there is no !@#$ way on earth that some strangers (and that includes parents, friends, and !@#$ library patrons) are going to know my possible !@#$ business before I do.
in case you can't tell, i am livid. this is strike 3, in this particular case. those of you who can't keep your mouths shut and your assumptions to yourselves owe your own friend(s) an apology. i don't know you, so i don't give a damn, and i do know that my own friends would never do this. i do have a couple who are testosterone-impaired and who still haven't figured out not to ask questions, but hopefully they are learning. i wish the rest of you similar luck.
got it?
good.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
hallo, all!
a quickie before i take off to con - stewart got my bid'ness card posted, and you can find it HERE!
wish us luck, no arrests, that kind of thing. tobie vows to make national news. whither tobie goest...
eek.
ok, nevermind wishing us luck - wish ATLANTA luck!
MUCH love (and geekiness),
-sam
a quickie before i take off to con - stewart got my bid'ness card posted, and you can find it HERE!
wish us luck, no arrests, that kind of thing. tobie vows to make national news. whither tobie goest...
eek.
ok, nevermind wishing us luck - wish ATLANTA luck!
MUCH love (and geekiness),
-sam
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
hello, all. i was hoping to have another treat for you - stewart has made me some uber-swanky bid'ness cards for con, and i was hoping to be able to show them to y'all before i left, but poor stewart has been swamped* with work and with life, and just couldn't get to it**.
-SO, i have decided to give you another treat. some of you have already seen it, some have not. here is my very first (pre-weblog) rant***. WARNING: DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE YOU ARE READING THIS!
enjoy, take care, i will see y'all after con!
xoxoxoxox
-s
note: both this stewart link and the rant link are a couple of the hidden "easter eggs" somewhere on my webpage!
*swamped, swamed and rodeole'd!
**plus he can't go to con, either. brett, ken, sounds like magic/geek therapy is in order for stewart!
***DO be sure to follow the three picture links within this rant! it's worth it! put down your drink!
-SO, i have decided to give you another treat. some of you have already seen it, some have not. here is my very first (pre-weblog) rant***. WARNING: DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE YOU ARE READING THIS!
enjoy, take care, i will see y'all after con!
xoxoxoxox
-s
note: both this stewart link and the rant link are a couple of the hidden "easter eggs" somewhere on my webpage!
*swamped, swamed and rodeole'd!
**plus he can't go to con, either. brett, ken, sounds like magic/geek therapy is in order for stewart!
***DO be sure to follow the three picture links within this rant! it's worth it! put down your drink!
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
jams, sorry about the accidentally posted partial love letter. it has been deleted, it WILL be completed.
anyway.
i was driving down 176 tonight* and i remembered another summer, another highway, a moment id forgotten completely. what a gift when you get a memory like this back.
charlyn was driving her mama's silver camaro (late 70's?) down I-10. or maybe up it, i can't remember. we were some direction on the route between bfe, louisiana and bfe, mississippi, anyway.
i was in the passenger seat, i think casey, john, joe, who-knows-who was in the back - maybe piled into the front, too. the car was full of kids.
charlyn's the oldest of the six of us. we** are all one year apart for six consecutive years (except joe and casey, who were born six months apart in the same year...),
so, charlyn was maybe 16, me 15, and so on.
we were zooming along, free, buncha kids' in a hot car - in more ways than one, it was bayou summer. we were probably rockin' out to steven tyler and the boys. (charlyn was in charge of the stereo. we probably had jerry jeff walker in there, too.)
it was a good day.
traffic was fairly light. we passed some folks, and we were passed, too. we flirted with all the guys on bikes - unless they were skanky. we tried to make the truckers honk, and stuck our bare, brown legs out of the window, feet propped on the side mirror, hair turned into cat-o-nine-tails by the wind.
charlyn had been bird-doggin' with this other car a little. i don't remember what it was, but i seem to recall "muscle". there were kids in that car, too. boys and girls, all older than us. maybe going back to tulane for the summer.
we'd been sharing road with them for a few miles when suddenly they pulled alongside us, on my side of the car, yelling, cheering, flipping us off. they were angry, yelling, "F@#K YOU!" and making fists.
i couldn't believe it! i had nodded at them a couple of times as we passed, maybe even waved, in the beginning. i looked over to charlyn, and she shrugged, all innocence, and then it broke into a grinch-like grin. i followed the curve of her smile up and along her arm to where her hand stuck out the window - presumable resting on the roof. she'd been flipping them a constant, patented charlyn-delane-willliams skinny little crooked-ass big-knuckle bird for at least a mile by then.
i couldn't help but laugh. i gathered the courage to flip them off too, and then just prayed that charlyn would have the wherewithal to get the hell away from them.
she did.
she still does.
thanks for the memory,
and may you all always have the wherewithal. sally forth!
-s
anyway.
i was driving down 176 tonight* and i remembered another summer, another highway, a moment id forgotten completely. what a gift when you get a memory like this back.
charlyn was driving her mama's silver camaro (late 70's?) down I-10. or maybe up it, i can't remember. we were some direction on the route between bfe, louisiana and bfe, mississippi, anyway.
i was in the passenger seat, i think casey, john, joe, who-knows-who was in the back - maybe piled into the front, too. the car was full of kids.
charlyn's the oldest of the six of us. we** are all one year apart for six consecutive years (except joe and casey, who were born six months apart in the same year...),
so, charlyn was maybe 16, me 15, and so on.
we were zooming along, free, buncha kids' in a hot car - in more ways than one, it was bayou summer. we were probably rockin' out to steven tyler and the boys. (charlyn was in charge of the stereo. we probably had jerry jeff walker in there, too.)
it was a good day.
traffic was fairly light. we passed some folks, and we were passed, too. we flirted with all the guys on bikes - unless they were skanky. we tried to make the truckers honk, and stuck our bare, brown legs out of the window, feet propped on the side mirror, hair turned into cat-o-nine-tails by the wind.
charlyn had been bird-doggin' with this other car a little. i don't remember what it was, but i seem to recall "muscle". there were kids in that car, too. boys and girls, all older than us. maybe going back to tulane for the summer.
we'd been sharing road with them for a few miles when suddenly they pulled alongside us, on my side of the car, yelling, cheering, flipping us off. they were angry, yelling, "F@#K YOU!" and making fists.
i couldn't believe it! i had nodded at them a couple of times as we passed, maybe even waved, in the beginning. i looked over to charlyn, and she shrugged, all innocence, and then it broke into a grinch-like grin. i followed the curve of her smile up and along her arm to where her hand stuck out the window - presumable resting on the roof. she'd been flipping them a constant, patented charlyn-delane-willliams skinny little crooked-ass big-knuckle bird for at least a mile by then.
i couldn't help but laugh. i gathered the courage to flip them off too, and then just prayed that charlyn would have the wherewithal to get the hell away from them.
she did.
she still does.
thanks for the memory,
and may you all always have the wherewithal. sally forth!
-s
Sunday, August 24, 2003
how happy a day i've had...
i NEVER write drunk... i'm NEVER drunk.... BUT TODAY! whee! (even now, at 10:45 pm, buffy is standing here, telling me about marguerita loveliness... wheeee!)
today has been SO wonderful, we have had roadtrip and fabulous food (MY BRI-BRO MADE FRIED CHICKEN - omg, mm! - and good movie (WAY BAD STONE! SEE IT OW!) and then jack-in-the woodsing with my lovely court... what a day. this year, i have truly been celebrated. i cannot believe my blessing of friends. they treat me as a geek-queen, and i fell compelled to be worthy. who could be more lucky than i? who could be more blessed?
hard days come, and will come again, and hopefully i will remember these days. my courtier darrell said: as long as either one of us are alive, you will live forever.
mother-!@#$'in MOO!
universe willing, i be worthy.
xoxoxo
(as brett says) - our "inebriated" friend,
-sam
i NEVER write drunk... i'm NEVER drunk.... BUT TODAY! whee! (even now, at 10:45 pm, buffy is standing here, telling me about marguerita loveliness... wheeee!)
today has been SO wonderful, we have had roadtrip and fabulous food (MY BRI-BRO MADE FRIED CHICKEN - omg, mm! - and good movie (WAY BAD STONE! SEE IT OW!) and then jack-in-the woodsing with my lovely court... what a day. this year, i have truly been celebrated. i cannot believe my blessing of friends. they treat me as a geek-queen, and i fell compelled to be worthy. who could be more lucky than i? who could be more blessed?
hard days come, and will come again, and hopefully i will remember these days. my courtier darrell said: as long as either one of us are alive, you will live forever.
mother-!@#$'in MOO!
universe willing, i be worthy.
xoxoxo
(as brett says) - our "inebriated" friend,
-sam
Friday, August 22, 2003
more words and blossoms and peaches and and peach-like sentiments to share with you. this is to remind you of those certain days, and to wish you an abundance of them.
xo
-s
From Blossoms
From blossoms comes
this brown paper bag of peaches
we bought from the boy
at the bend in the road where we turned toward
signs painted Peaches.
From laden boughs, from hands,
from sweet fellowship in the bins,
comes nectar at the roadside, succulent
peaches we devour, dusty skin and all,
comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.
O, to take what we love inside,
to carry within us an orchard, to eat
not only the skin, but the shade,
not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.
There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.
Poem: "From Blossoms," by Li-Young Lee, from Rose (Boa Editions).
xo
-s
From Blossoms
From blossoms comes
this brown paper bag of peaches
we bought from the boy
at the bend in the road where we turned toward
signs painted Peaches.
From laden boughs, from hands,
from sweet fellowship in the bins,
comes nectar at the roadside, succulent
peaches we devour, dusty skin and all,
comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.
O, to take what we love inside,
to carry within us an orchard, to eat
not only the skin, but the shade,
not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.
There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.
Poem: "From Blossoms," by Li-Young Lee, from Rose (Boa Editions).
Thursday, August 21, 2003
today, robbie would have been 28, and abe turned 12 today. those two would have DEFINITELY gotten along. :)
i always look for a cosmic prezzie from her on these days. i think abe might be one of them.
here is the writer's almanac po-eem for yesterday. again, i thought it was exceedingly appropriate.
(don't worry, i will write up a big-fat-sam's-birthday-adventures rant before the week is done! LOTS of good stuff to tell!)
A Physics
When you get down to it, Earth
has our own great ranges
of feeling-Rocky, Smoky, Blue-
and a heart that can melt stones.
The still pools fill with sky,
as if aloof, and we have eyes
for all of this-and more, for Earth's
reminding moon. We too are ruled
by such attractions-spun and swaddled,
rocked and lent a light. We run
our clocks on wheels, our trains
on time. But all the while we want
to love each other endlessly-not only for
a hundred years, not only six feet up and down.
We want the suns and moons of silver
in ourselves, not only counted coins in a cup. The whole
idea of love was not to fall. And neither was
the whole idea of God. We put him well
above ourselves, because we meant,
in time, to measure up.
Poem: "A Physics," by Heather McHugh, from Hinge and Sign: Poems, 1968-1993 (Wesleyan University Press).
i always look for a cosmic prezzie from her on these days. i think abe might be one of them.
here is the writer's almanac po-eem for yesterday. again, i thought it was exceedingly appropriate.
(don't worry, i will write up a big-fat-sam's-birthday-adventures rant before the week is done! LOTS of good stuff to tell!)
A Physics
When you get down to it, Earth
has our own great ranges
of feeling-Rocky, Smoky, Blue-
and a heart that can melt stones.
The still pools fill with sky,
as if aloof, and we have eyes
for all of this-and more, for Earth's
reminding moon. We too are ruled
by such attractions-spun and swaddled,
rocked and lent a light. We run
our clocks on wheels, our trains
on time. But all the while we want
to love each other endlessly-not only for
a hundred years, not only six feet up and down.
We want the suns and moons of silver
in ourselves, not only counted coins in a cup. The whole
idea of love was not to fall. And neither was
the whole idea of God. We put him well
above ourselves, because we meant,
in time, to measure up.
Poem: "A Physics," by Heather McHugh, from Hinge and Sign: Poems, 1968-1993 (Wesleyan University Press).
Monday, August 18, 2003
for this rant, we can go on a little virtual trip together. this is one of my birthday wishes, to go here some day. wander through these lovely galleries with me.
mm, yak-butter tea.
love,
-sam
(here are some of my very very favorites, btw. :)
the great a'tuin!
http://www.visitmongolia.com/images/n_04.jpg
this one is called "lovers on horses". aren't they lovely?
la!
welcoming
young priest
mm, yak-butter tea.
love,
-sam
(here are some of my very very favorites, btw. :)
the great a'tuin!
http://www.visitmongolia.com/images/n_04.jpg
this one is called "lovers on horses". aren't they lovely?
la!
welcoming
young priest
hi, all. i am going to be gone for a couple of days, so i wanted to leave a few rants for you. i posted one for today, the 18th, one for the 19th, (see next post) and i'll post one here for the 20th. i should be back in the land of the living after that. :) take care, all. when next i see you i'll be thirty-FIVE.
This is from a beautiful book lent to me by a beautiful person. The book was printed in 1894, a small olive-green clothbound book with gold accents, in perfect shape. It is called "The Oliver Wendell Holmes Year Book". It is truly a thing of beauty.
This excerpt is his choice for August 20th. I am stunned at it's aptness.
"I come under your windows, some fine morning, and I play you one of my adagio movements, and some of you say, -- This is good, -- play us so always. But, dear friends, if I did not change the stop sometimes, the machine would wear out in one part and rust in another. How easily this or that tune flows! -- you say, -- there must be no end of just such melodies in him. -- I will open the poor machine for you one moment, and you shall look. -- Ah! Every note marks where a spur of steel has been driven in. It is easy to grind out the song, but to plant these bristling points which make it was the painful task of time."
from "The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table"
This is from a beautiful book lent to me by a beautiful person. The book was printed in 1894, a small olive-green clothbound book with gold accents, in perfect shape. It is called "The Oliver Wendell Holmes Year Book". It is truly a thing of beauty.
This excerpt is his choice for August 20th. I am stunned at it's aptness.
"I come under your windows, some fine morning, and I play you one of my adagio movements, and some of you say, -- This is good, -- play us so always. But, dear friends, if I did not change the stop sometimes, the machine would wear out in one part and rust in another. How easily this or that tune flows! -- you say, -- there must be no end of just such melodies in him. -- I will open the poor machine for you one moment, and you shall look. -- Ah! Every note marks where a spur of steel has been driven in. It is easy to grind out the song, but to plant these bristling points which make it was the painful task of time."
from "The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table"
well, i had my kayak lesson today!
sallie and i went to lake summit, in tuxedo. we had two slim boats, and i took lu. i tied her up on the beach, but as soon as i left shore she went bonkers*, so we had to come back. one option was to tie her up at the truck, but i suspected that wouldn't work, so i got into my boat, and sallie and i VERRRYYY patiently coaxed luna in with me. it's a small cockpit, and we were cosy, but once she got situated (butt between my thighs, paws out on the boat), she was just as fine as dandelion wine. we zoomed out over the lake like a waterbug**. luna sat still and straight. at first she was a little afraid, but then she realized that this was just another kind of flying! she began to realx, and when i turned the boat, the pressure of my knees caused her to automatically lean like a good motorcycle buddy. :) we discovered a HUGE flock of ducks and geese, and needless to say, she was very interested in that! she was still very calm and good though. she watched everything with that great, incomparable doggie interest...
I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT MY CRAZY DOG INTO A KAYAK AND ONTO THE WATER!!!!!!!!! YAY, US!!!
some of you know that i spent some time a couple of summers ago trying to get her used to boating. i FINALLY managed to get her onto a paddle boat, but even that was a chore. i'd decided that my goal was to get her into a canoe, but i thought it was a bit of a pipe dream, and then the chance never came, until today.
so, MY second time EVER in a kayak, lulabelle's first - and we just flat rock !@#$% socks! :) :) :) i was - am - SO proud!
sallie lent me the two boats and pfd's, showed me how to load the boats on my truck and tie them up good (joe, you'd be proud - she bragged on my knots! :) and on wednesday, lu, myself and boy are heading out into the wide wide world for a day on the water.
(thank you, ms. sallie. you are a dear and a blessing.)
in other news - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OLDEST BEST FRIEND AND HER BABY BOY! i love you both, and hope you enjoy your lobster this year - as always.
in other other news, i started my birth-days-off quite nicely. i worked at the 'flour yestiddy, made some more con $$$, we did a great day, broke the record for lunches served, and yet had a relaxed, fun, easy peasy day. luna came with and abe got paid again to sit her. niiiiice. she had a veggie burger for lunch, i had eggs inna frame. mm.) i worked with stewart a little on mandy's belated b'day prezzie, and then took off to finish some other werk. however, the night took an odd, but pleasant turn and i ended up staying up and outside all night - didn't go to sleep until 6 a.m. (or so) - and woke to dawn and birds in my yard. me, my dog, a blankie, a friend, a can of off, and more weird conversation than you even want to know about.
to weird boy - who is not my type and ugly - thanks. it was nice to not worry, and nice to wake warm.
have good days off, all.
much love, i will see you soon.
-s
*remind me to tell y'all a similar story that happened on the day of my dad's burial...
**ok, maybe an elderly, lame, confused one, but STILL
sallie and i went to lake summit, in tuxedo. we had two slim boats, and i took lu. i tied her up on the beach, but as soon as i left shore she went bonkers*, so we had to come back. one option was to tie her up at the truck, but i suspected that wouldn't work, so i got into my boat, and sallie and i VERRRYYY patiently coaxed luna in with me. it's a small cockpit, and we were cosy, but once she got situated (butt between my thighs, paws out on the boat), she was just as fine as dandelion wine. we zoomed out over the lake like a waterbug**. luna sat still and straight. at first she was a little afraid, but then she realized that this was just another kind of flying! she began to realx, and when i turned the boat, the pressure of my knees caused her to automatically lean like a good motorcycle buddy. :) we discovered a HUGE flock of ducks and geese, and needless to say, she was very interested in that! she was still very calm and good though. she watched everything with that great, incomparable doggie interest...
I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT MY CRAZY DOG INTO A KAYAK AND ONTO THE WATER!!!!!!!!! YAY, US!!!
some of you know that i spent some time a couple of summers ago trying to get her used to boating. i FINALLY managed to get her onto a paddle boat, but even that was a chore. i'd decided that my goal was to get her into a canoe, but i thought it was a bit of a pipe dream, and then the chance never came, until today.
so, MY second time EVER in a kayak, lulabelle's first - and we just flat rock !@#$% socks! :) :) :) i was - am - SO proud!
sallie lent me the two boats and pfd's, showed me how to load the boats on my truck and tie them up good (joe, you'd be proud - she bragged on my knots! :) and on wednesday, lu, myself and boy are heading out into the wide wide world for a day on the water.
(thank you, ms. sallie. you are a dear and a blessing.)
in other news - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY OLDEST BEST FRIEND AND HER BABY BOY! i love you both, and hope you enjoy your lobster this year - as always.
in other other news, i started my birth-days-off quite nicely. i worked at the 'flour yestiddy, made some more con $$$, we did a great day, broke the record for lunches served, and yet had a relaxed, fun, easy peasy day. luna came with and abe got paid again to sit her. niiiiice. she had a veggie burger for lunch, i had eggs inna frame. mm.) i worked with stewart a little on mandy's belated b'day prezzie, and then took off to finish some other werk. however, the night took an odd, but pleasant turn and i ended up staying up and outside all night - didn't go to sleep until 6 a.m. (or so) - and woke to dawn and birds in my yard. me, my dog, a blankie, a friend, a can of off, and more weird conversation than you even want to know about.
to weird boy - who is not my type and ugly - thanks. it was nice to not worry, and nice to wake warm.
have good days off, all.
much love, i will see you soon.
-s
*remind me to tell y'all a similar story that happened on the day of my dad's burial...
**ok, maybe an elderly, lame, confused one, but STILL
Sunday, August 17, 2003
you all know of my love for peaches. mm, in pie, and in drinkies... their shape, color, smell and bee-blowsy, heavy summer ripeness, mmm... despite all obvious appearances, they're even kind of the main character of loki's little acre. i also love words, and especially play with words. for those of you who don't know, gerard manley hopkins* is my main man, poet-wise, and word-sound-play was his forte...
this guy is pretty damned good, too. i wanted to share this with you, in lieu of a juice-drippy, smell-sticky, sweet summer-shared bite,
mmm -
Peaches
A mouthful of language to swallow:
stretches of beach, sweet clinches,
breaches in walls, pleached branches;
britches hauled over haunches;
hunched leeches, wrenched teachers.
What English can do: ransack
the warmth that chuckles beneath
fuzzed surfaces, smooth velvet
richness, plashy juices.
I beseech you, peach,
clench me into the sweetness
of your reaches.
- Peter Davison
(this came from writer's almanac today. it had a typo innit, and i fixed it. i did NOT write mr. keillor and tell him so, though. that would be rude. :)
love,
your own peachy
-'pie
*do look him up, and read my favorite "pied beauty"
this guy is pretty damned good, too. i wanted to share this with you, in lieu of a juice-drippy, smell-sticky, sweet summer-shared bite,
mmm -
Peaches
A mouthful of language to swallow:
stretches of beach, sweet clinches,
breaches in walls, pleached branches;
britches hauled over haunches;
hunched leeches, wrenched teachers.
What English can do: ransack
the warmth that chuckles beneath
fuzzed surfaces, smooth velvet
richness, plashy juices.
I beseech you, peach,
clench me into the sweetness
of your reaches.
- Peter Davison
(this came from writer's almanac today. it had a typo innit, and i fixed it. i did NOT write mr. keillor and tell him so, though. that would be rude. :)
love,
your own peachy
-'pie
*do look him up, and read my favorite "pied beauty"
