Hello, all. I know everybody wants to hear about the faire, and I do have LOTS to tell - and will, but something else is on my mind - one of the main reasons why I joined the faire in the first place.
My mind plays funny tricks on me. Even though I KNOW the days, the time of year, my mind has always been good at shuffling time so that I forget important things, important days, how many years have gone by since... but this morning, while I was getting ready for work, I looked in the mirror and I saw my parents - like I do some days - and I remembered precisely what today is.
Every year, at this time, I sink myself into something big, bigger than me and all my potential for sadness. I must say that the faire and the art show were DEFINITELY that big (thank you ALL), but here I am back at this week of anniversaries and the tide rushes in.

This year, my own sadness is soft and gentle. It seems natural for the first time since it all came to pass - dad's death (may 8th, 1995) and my cousin Robbie’s murder (may 14, 1995), maybe because of time's passage, and maybe because of the fact that the bastards who did this to Robbie have finally been convicted*. Maybe it's because I’m growing up a little, too, because now I hurt more for my siblings, and for the rest of Robbie’s family. I wonder how they are, and wish that I could be with them right now. If I were home, I would take a trip to Beaumont, visit lake Perry, where we scattered** dad's ashes, and then gone to Van Gundy hill to visit Robbie’s grave and light a candle. This would have just comforted me, made me feel close to them again for a little while. But what I really want to do is be with the survivors. Sit down at Mrs. Frances' table, hug my brothers, and tell my sister a story or ten. Remember that life goes on, and that as long as I can see Mandy’s face and feel Jeff’s hands, that dad is still with us. Robbie was so young, but I have a great legacy from her - a well of strength that I was never truly aware of, one that - so far - has proven to be immeasurable and unbreakable***. I wish that I could be with the others and see how time has treated them. I wish I could do them some good.
As it is, I’m here, and I just have to put all my efforts into other places, and hope that the flow of the Universe brings it all around to my folks who need it. And maybe you’ll read this, and know that I am thinking of you this week.
All my love and strength,
-s


*Though I have just read of their latest attempt to appeal, due to having been treated "UNFAIRLY".
**Ok, PITCHED - well, the game and fish commission was chasing us, and we were doing it illegally, of course, with Luna, who was no bigger than a cat then, trying to swim out to us and us trying to remember a prayer - any prayer. I may have even said "ominous biscuits"... sorry dad. Wait, who the hell am I kidding, dad would have laughed his ASS off!
***Bendable and flexible, though – woo!