I am tired of hurting and pondering over this same damned subject, so that must mean that I still have a ways to go. I’m beginning to wonder if it is just my !@#$ haircut that is drawing all of these insecure, stinkbugheaded, small-minded, disarmingly ok-seeming chauvinistic jerks out of the woodwork and onto my case.
Whatever it is, they are not the only jelly-fish in the sea… I hope my beloved Pablo doesn’t mind me stealing his words to use as an example of all the good, whole, loving, Superior boys that are out there, who don’t need me to wear an apron, guard the hoard and put a CHICKEN on my shield* just so THEY can sleep safely in their little beds at night.

The other reason I wanted to post this sweet, lovely excerpt from his letter is because of how loved and precious and accepted AS I AM it made me feel, and I SO needed that right now.
Thank you, mi Pablito. I love you even more than wide shots filled with wind, white faces, long black hair, red lips, red leaves, red silk and the sound of ringing steel.
your razz keeps me going, too paul.
warts and all,
-s

“I just want you to know that I have swooned of late, and that it is, in some way, your doing; I read your rants recently, absorbed them in their beauty and fullness, then went right out and rented "Hero". Oh my stars and garters. Thank you, thank you.
And thank you for your constant inspiration, meaning quite truly that you remind me to breathe, deeply, and in so doing to smell and taste and keep myself alive to smell and taste some more, and then, on the exhale, I feel that I have something to give back, whether it's just CO2, or maybe some words, a song, whistle, razz, whatever . . .
Thanks for the memories, even though they're not mine. Those Pictures of Robbie were gorgeous, as I know she was, and a blessing on you for her beauty that you keep alive.
You kick such ass majeure, my dear sister; it seems like, sometimes, that you're just showing the rest of us what a life lived can be, warts and all.
Okay, enough of my gush. I mean it, I said it, so there.”
-pc
06/03/03


*don’t ask.