here is another one of my very old poems (written in 1990). it has its badsmoosh moments, but i am still very fond of it, it's one of my 'baby' poems. i feel as if it is a very good portrait of who i really am. i think it shows a side of me that i don't normally display to the world, a side that i smokescreen with the loud or mad or bouncy bits o' sam.

Twelve Easy Steps

I passed a window on an open room,
filled with ballroom dancers.
Men who must really love their wives
grinned like teenaged boys
and stared heavily at their feet.
Even from my hidden place
I could see them counting time
to women that I wanted to be.

I stood and watched
unlikely couples
swing and turn
past sidewise blinds
with grace they never guessed at,
then stop to steal a kiss
and laugh at how old
and clumsy they are.

I watched
and bit my bottom lip,
pretending that I could hear them,
closed my eyes
to fabricate the smell of Old Spice
and the feel of a heavy arm
around my waist.

I wanted to leave
the square of soft light,
and let go...
But I am like a moth,
and I wanted at least a smile.

The cold dark settled on me
like dew on a nettle,
and I realized I would be late.

I just stood for another long minute,
holding my arms,
swaying in the wind with the bushes.

* * *

take a moment to look and listen and feel, folks.
-sam