The Caste of Awareness.

While we were away, we were heroes, to people we met on the road, and to folks back home. People here and in other places across the country stated openly that they thought of us as doing this for all of them. They called us warriors, angels, knights.

Along the way, there was some sudden, sharp difference of opinion that caused some friendships to sever (all on facebook, and no huge losses – or surprises) but for the most part, there was either relatively sensible devil's advocacy or complete, enthusiastic support for what we have been trying to do. The bad stuff taught us lessons. The good stuff kept us going – has literally kept us both alive* – and I thank you all for it. As you read this, please remember that all of that is NOT forgotten, as I am obviously still here to write this side of it. <3

I've found that when you're in a tense, scary situation, you tend to make judgements quickly. It's important. A survivor would probably also learn to be flexible in their ideas and opinions, and learn to be a good judge, but humans are very flawed and the most difficult time to think and judge quickly is when you are in a tense, scary situation. So in other words, error happens. However, when you prove to people that they do have some control over their own personal margins of error, well, sometimes they don't like that.

You can change yourself. You can change the world around you. Not can, you DO. The breaths you take affect the air around you, every decision you make, your consumption, your waste, to the very cells flaking off of your skin affect the environment around you. And everything affects everything else. This isn't mysticism or god or aerie-faerie bullshit – this is basic, 3^rd grade science. If you learn to make conscious choices, you can have at least some say in the effect you have on things around you. But it's just easier for us to say 'That's just how it is.' and continue to destroy ourselves and each other. There are people out there who can see someone suffering and not care, but I don't want to know those people for any longer than it would take for me to be able to identify them again. There are also people (and I think this is most of us) who, if we are in a place where whatever is happening doesn't seem real, then we can convince ourselves that it's not happening up until the last possible second (or beyond in many cases*). I can understand not only the preference for that, but in some cases the effiency, but in THIS case, it is unforgivable and unacceptable.

We are in the midst of the worst disaster to ever hit America. When 911 happened, people came together like GANGBUSTERS! Stars, everyday Joes and Janes, Fire and Police Departments all over the country – all over the WORLD poured out love, prayer, support, donation, work. When we believed someone else had done this terrible thing to us, we were OUTRAGED. We still are, as the millions of dollars and manpower we're pumping into the Middle East proves.

Now, we are facing something unimaginably worse than that, something that we are in part, hugely responsible for ourselves, and all we can do is fight about it***. This one, we just don't seem to want to own, even though our own families, friends, neighbors and strangers just like us, with kids and pets and car payments are down there experiencing fear, doubt and suffering worse than they have ever known, and this is just the beginning of it. Where are the concerts, where are the stickers and waving flags and songs by Idols to raise money? Where is the heartwarming outreach? I guess it's busy. It has to take out the trash.

This is not one of those situations where we can tell ourselves that there is nothing we can do. At this point, it is morally wrong to do absolutely nothing, even if that thing is just doing your best to watch, limit and conserve the oil and oil-related products that you use and don't shop at companies who drill unsafely. Millions of good American people are going to be affected by this. Hundreds of thousands are already out of work because of this. Human death has occurred because of this, 13 so far, and sickness is beginning. I've heard a lot of people ask why we should worry about Haiti when there are bad things happening here. Where are those people now that your own good neighbors are in MAJOR trouble and it's our fault? Will you help now?

I can offer my yard for emergency evac camping. I can encourage the people I know to be aware of the REAL health hazards, possible dangers and need for a serious evac plan now. I can write to my representatives every day stressing how important it is that government health care, evac mobility and water and air testing plans be installed there NOW, and be working NOW and prepared for whatEVER.

I can raise money for the things I see that need it – Louisiana Bucket Brigade offers FREE buckets to communities who want to do their own air testing and someone has to pay for that. Perhaps we could help them raise enough money to fund that and do water testing as well. I can not let the unimportant bad stuff get to me (the important bad stuff, I just have to stay strong enough to live with), I can look for every possible opportunity to help, connect others who can help and need help, and I can pray.

I'm sad for the losses of friendship and understanding. It's hard to explain to people that you understand WHY they would want to be in denial or think this is all crazy, fictional media crap, or just flat-out not want to know. It makes it easier to understand why some of those closest to me are having the hardest time hearing me out – which, I have to tell you, really, really sucks – it's because they know me, and have some idea of how hard I can fight for something. I even understand why some friends have verbally attacked me. I know what fear and helplessness can do. But there is no way I can let any of that stop me, or even get to me too much. I am amazed at what seems important, or more precisely, at what seems Unimportant to me now.

I can say sincerely that I am sorry for the break in your regularly scheduled programming, at least as far as myself and my attitude and behavior are concerned. Believe me, I wish I was the same old me, talking about the same old stuff... but those days are over. And they're over for all of us, even if we don't know it yet.

I'll be here for you. And there are others too. Just say when you're ready.

*Not only in the sense of feeding and housing us, but in helping to beat back the terrible self-destructive depression that not only are all 3 of us (and how many more) prone to, but that ANY sane person could not avoid in the face of this disaster.

**DON'T SWIM IN THE WATER. HAVE AN EVAC PLAN. GET A VAPOR RESPIRATOR.

***and, to quote Amanda, “Use !@#$ing hair?!” to try to help. Where IS the !@#$ government support?!?!?! These are conservative Christians suffering and DYING down there! For YOUR SUV's OIL! Does it not count if they're Catholic?