It's hard to say it, type it, even think it. Her days are getting short. Very short. She is in bad shape, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not much better. She had a steroid shot on Saturday a.m. to help with the swelling, but today her little face is so swollen that she doesn't even look like Lu. It's the coldest that it's been this year, so taking her out is tough. If she makes it to the weekend, it's supposed to be warm again. I've been taking every possible opportunity for her to lie in the sun. She doesn't walk really well anymore either, but she still has the desire, it seems, and she has not hesitated to splash into the freezing river if I'm able to get her down the bank. I'll !#$% carry her down there if I have to, if that's what she wants. Her appetite is getting worse by the day. She refused warm fresh baked ham today - but she had already had a bowl of chicken, so maybe that's why. I will try again with the ham in a bit. I am keeping her medicated for the pain and giving her herbs and tinctures to help her lungs and sleeping. I don't know what else to do. I can only hope it's all the right things, that I'm not making it worse, somehow. The vet assures me that I am doing the right things, but I wish she could tell me what she wants and needs. I've thought several times "today is the day" but then either my lack of ability to let go or her sudden interest in ANYthing has convinced me otherwise. I only pray that I am not being cruel by keeping her here past the point of sensibility.
Speaking of 'past the point of sensibility', there's my condition as well... but then I think that's for another post. I'm not ready for that either. Let's just say that I'm not me either. Or maybe I'm all me. I'll explain more when I can. For now, it's meds time again, and another attempt at ham-therapy.
If you can hear me out there, please send us your love and prayers. It may not seem like we're in touch here, but we get the messages, even if we're not able to answer right now.
-Sam