"My heart has joined the thousand for my friend stopped running today."

Last night at about 6:50 pm, Luna Belle Lovelace, truly the best dog in the whole wide world*,
died in my arms here at home in her own bed of what I'm pretty sure was finally heart failure.
We'd had a fairly quiet day, in and out several times as usual. She had a good breakfast and spent most of the day sleeping right here beside me while I caught up on my WWDS** work. At one point, while she was in her bed and I was in my bedroom, she called me with a little grunt. It reminded me of her howl-songs, so I wondered if she would sing again. I started singing and she began to sing along. I ran and found a tape and tape recorder, and managed to record a little mini concert of us singing together one last time (Chris also has some video of her from a year ago that he showed me last night while we were sitting shiva. We watched and listened and cried and cried...) We took intermittent breaks to go out and one long-ish (for her) walk in the mid-morning to enjoy the sunny day. It was slow going, and she was fair tuckered after, but she seemed in great spirits. I remember noticing that her eyes seemed especially clear yesterday. After I finished up my work, Chris came home between jobs and was sweet to both of us. After he left, she made it pretty clear that it was 'hammy time'*** and I had it in the pan, preparing to warm it for her, but I could see her desire and impatience so I fed it to her cold right from the pan. She ate it all but the last two or three little bites. She then went and stood by the back door, giving me the universal sign for "OUTSIDE!". Instead of needing to wee, she seemed to want to wander - fine by me - and the neighbors had built a little fire down by the river, so we went slowly over. There were other dogs there (Sugar and Lucky. She knows Lucky, 'cause we see him and say hi on every little stroll) and she lay down on the ground between my feet near the fire and visited with them while I talked to the neighbors about - guess what: how pretty and smart she is (one of them has little grandchildren whom Luna obsessively guarded while they were playing in the river this summer), and how hard it is to go through the loss of a dear loved one. They all petted her and were sweet to her. We were there maybe 15 minutes, and when it started getting on dark, she seemed too tired to get up, so the kind man who owns the 'river park' let me put her up into his beautiful brand new trucks' leather seat and took us both home. I got her up the steps with a little effort and then I just carried her to bed and lay her down. I went in the kitchen to prepare her next round of meds and I heard her groan and make a sound like she was in pain. I'd never heard that sound before and so I ran to her. Her little hind leg was tucked under her kind of funny, so I assumed she was hurting because of that. I straightened her legs for her and checked her out well to make sure she hadn't been injured and she seemed to relax, so I went ahead and gave her her meds. I sat with her and stroked her little head until I could tell that she was getting comfortable and nodding off and then I went and sat on the couch to read. I probably didn't get through a whole page even before she groaned again and rolled over onto her side. I went to her and held her little head and realized almost immediately what was happening. I put my other arm around her and soothed her like I do when she is dreaming. She began to gasp for breath and I softly sang her her favorite song, and within seconds, she breathed her last breath while I held her in my arms. From coming in from her walk to her death was maybe 15 minutes, no more than 20. What little severe pain she had was very brief - thank you, Goddess.
I called Chris to come home, and his boss kindly let him go (he's a nice guy, and he and his wife are serious animal lovers. They have two cute little tiny sweater-dogs). Then I started calling the family. Chris' folks came and sat with us and prayed with us. We wrapped her in a pretty blanket that came here with us from Ms. and is Egyptian royal colors with suns and moons and stars. After they left, we lay her in the kitchen (we figured it was coldest by the back door). I kissed her little nose one last time and put white candles around her (they are still burning now, they burned all through the night) and lit incense and held hands and said the sweet sad words that Richard Adams gave us.
Chris then told me that the other day he'd told her "Luna, there's an island out there for you somewhere, just keep swimming."
She did, bravely, fiercely, joyfully and now she has found her island. She was a bright, beautiful happy beloved girl, the true light of my life, and up until one month and one day before she died, she was always healthy (since she was a tiny pup, right after I first got her, she has never had to go to the vet for anything other than her routine shots and checkups) and happy and you could tell that she loved her adventurous life. She had nearly 11 years (April 11 would be 11 years) of all the goodness that I and the world could muster. I will never forget her, she will always be with me. I have been so blessed by her and I truly can't imagine how I will manage without her. She is the best thing that the Universe has ever seen fit to give me, and I will be grateful for these last 11 years for the rest of my life.

This morning, we take her to the vet and they will arrange her cremation. When we get her ashes, I will cast them on her beloved river and - if nothing else - be happy that she is finally completely free and part of the things she loved the most. When I said this to Chris he said "the thing she loved second most, Sam." If I was first, and sheer gratitude can make you worthy, then I was worthy.
Now, onto one of the toughest things I've ever had to go through, even tougher than this last month, the time after Dad and Robbie died, and the the particular horrors of my growing up - life without Lulu. "Things will never be the same without Lulu..."
-s

*It's true. It's carved in stone outside the Polk County Public Library in Columbus, NC. Several years ago, when I did the painting to raise $ for the new building, the Friends of the Library thanked me for raising so much due to raffle ticket, greeting card and poster sales, I shamelessly reminded them that anyone who donated 50$ or more (and blessedly, the painting generated WAY more than that) and asked if I could have a brick. They said certainly. I didn't have to think for even a second about what message to put on it, I didn't have to. I'd asked knowing what I wanted and so it says:
"Luna Belle Lovelace
Best Dog in the Whole Wide World
xoxox"

**For those of you who don't know, I've been working for this wonderful organization since last August. My job consists mostly of walking (so I was often able to take baby to work with me...)
although there's a considerable amount of other stuff that goes with it - office type things, community interaction, writing press releases, etc. I really like it.

***doo-doo-doo-doo, doot-doot, mm-mm doot-doot, mm-mm doot-doot, can't touch this...